Shattered Armour
by Morgan P. Harder
Summary: Johnny Black. A sadistic murderer, specializing in poisons. What if, rather than choosing poisons, another skill caught his eye? Tremble Women of Aincrad, a new threat has come, to shatter your hopes and dreams... but mostly your equipment. That's right, we're here to follow the adventures of Johnny Black, Enemy of All Women! Rated M for many violations of the ethics code.
1. A Different Path

"Good luck players, Try not to die. Even though you most certainly will."

Johnny was already turning away from the scene. Kayaba was probably going to disappear in some sort of dramatic manner and then the crowd would be thrown into chaos. How boringly predictable. Life needs action, needs adventure! And Johnny knew just how to bring about that adventure.

He tapped through the list of skills. Players began with three skill points and hundreds of skills to choose from. Of course, to better accommodate new players, skills could be filtered into different categories. Johnny did so, filtering by PvP. Sure, Kayaba had said that this was a death game, and it wasn't like Johnny thought he was lying; though many others no doubt would. But that made it all the better. Putting your life on the line, the slightest mistake being the difference between life and death, each player fighting for the right to survive—that was what Johnny was seeking.

Skills were found and chosen. ⸢Dagger Proficiency⸥, ⸢Sneak⸥, ⸢Poison Proficiency⸥... At the last one, Johnny paused. His finger hovered over the button. In another world, perhaps he would take it in a heartbeat. But for some reason, he paused. Another skill had caught his eye. ⸢Corrosion⸥ it read. Intrigued, Johnny pressed it.

⸢Corrosion⸥

"What is a warrior without his blade? Dead. What is a guardian without his shield? Useless. Corrode the tools of your foe and leave him bereft of weapon and armour."

Lvl. 1: +10% durability damage to armour, +20% durability damage to weapons.

Lvl. 2: Locked.

Interesting skill, but Johnny still was more in favour of poison. Maybe he'd pick this one up later? He scanned through the page one last time and a line at the bottom caught his eye.

"Bypasses the ethics code."

Oh yes. Oh Hell yes. Poison? Useless in the face of this! This was the holy grail of the gamers everywhere, even more so in a game with graphics as realistic as Sword Art Online! With this… with this, he could bypass the damn ethics code and accomplish the ultimate goal of all men by stripping his foes (Read: Girls), and leaving them naked and humiliated. Johnny placed his last point into ⸢Corrosion⸥ without a second thought.

In his defence—while this line of thinking was somewhat creepy—Johnny was a barely fourteen years old gamer, only recently in the throes of puberty. Girls had become of interest to him, and as long as he was stuck in this game he decided he might as well make the most of it. And besides, at least he was just being a pervert not a mass-murdering psychopath who got his kicks off from crippling players, injecting them with poison, and staring into their eyes as they died, terror written on every line of their sobbing faces.

Johnny considered his next action. He would have liked to see if corrosion worked on NPCs, but there weren't any humanoid enemies until the second floor. So he'd just have to test it out on players. That said, for all that he was a fairly experienced gamer and sure that he'd be able to beat any newbs, SAO was still an MMORPG. Numbers played a fairly big part. Beyond that, most of the players who would be outside the city would probably be fellow veterans, and if he was underlevelled he wouldn't stand a chance against them. So, grinding it was. He wasn't a beta tester, but he had read the online forums and knew where to go. Not the best spots probably, but the good ones.

Dagger in hand, Johnny dashed out of the city and into the slowly darkening evening. Determination pushed him onwards. He would become the ultimate enemy of women; he would gaze upon their naked flesh and teary eyes as they trembled before his might!


	2. Accidental Assistance

Wendy trudged out of the safety of the ⸢Town of Beginnings⸥. It didn't really matter though, with her destination being what it was. Ahead lay the path that led to the edge of Aincrad. Behind her, a dozen other scared, tired souls trudged. Mostly girls, though there were two guys as well. It had been three days since Kayaba's announcement, and for that time, they had remained hidden in this place or that within the ⸢Town of Beginnings⸥. But Wendy had rallied them to her cause. To leave the safety of the ⸢Town of Beginnings⸥ and free themselves from this game.

They passed by groups of players farming the low level mobs that spawned around the city. Exp was not what would free them from their shackles. Levels would not liberate them. After all, beating Sword Art Online was impossible. Kayaba would not be so cruel as to force those unwilling to participate in such an endeavour. No, no, it was obvious to Wendy that his talk of this as a death game was nothing more than a load of bullshit designed to attract interest.

Still, there was no logout button. But, by talking to a few of the beta players Wendy had discovered that in the beta, if you threw yourself off the edge the game would automatically log you out. Well, it would kill you as well, but it would follow up killing you with an automatic kick from the game and after repeated falls off the edge it would include a warning against suicide along with the numbers of a few suicide hotlines.

And with that knowledge in hand, Wendy had managed to convince a handful of others to follow her in what she had assured herself would be safe way to free themselves from this madness. Freedom was near; the edge of Aincrad only a short distance further.

And then her path was blocked by a cloaked figure wielding a dagger bleeding crimson light. The cloaked figure lashed out, tracing a brilliant trail of light that tore through her chestplate and into the clothes she wore beneath.

The starting equipment—which is what Wendy wore as she had seen no reason to buy new clothes or gear—was pathetically weak when considering its stats. Low defense, but more importantly, low durability. It could last for a while against basic enemies. Against a ⸢Corruption⸥ infused dagger wielded by a much higher level player, it might as well have been paper.

Her armour was shattered with two lightning cuts and her clothes torn in one. In half a second, Wendy found herself in only her undergarments—a plain white bra and matching panties, as was the default for female players—stumbling away from the sudden and unexpected attack and inadvertently dodging the fourth strike, which only caught the tail end of some of her long, chestnut brown locks.

It took her a moment to realize her state of dress. When she did, she gave a yelp of embarrassment and crossed her arms over her chest. Not that it was particularly necessary; Wendy wasn't the most well endowed of girls. At eighteen, her breasts were on the small side, being barely B-cup. Her hips shared that lack of femininity. Truthfully, when looking at her three sizes, she had more in common with a middle school student, save for her height; she was at least tall enough that she wasn't mistaken for a child.

In spite of her somewhat lacking figure, the cloaked person seemed to be perfectly content with Wendy's body, much to her embarrassment. Shakily, the young woman uncrossed one arm and pulled the ⸢Beginner's Sword⸥ from her inventory.

The cloaked person's gaze shifted, before they tilted their head questioningly. "You know," the person said, "that the starting weapons are kind of garbage, right? I mean, I could probably let you hit me and you wouldn't do jack for shit. I'm all for kicking the hell out of noobs, but that's just sort of sad. Why you're even out here with such crap gear, I've no idea."

Wendy leveled her blade at the cloaked figure. She was underlevelled, sure, but she was still a gaming veteran. She'd at least be able to put up a fight. Probably. Still, perhaps she could convince the cloaked figure to let them through.

"We were headed to log out," Wendy stated firmly. "So I'll ask you to stand aside."

"Huh?" The cloaked figure lowed their dagger. "Log out? Didn't think there was any way to do that."

Good. It seemed that he was just another desperate player like them, scared and lashing out. She could reason with him.

"Yes. In the beta, if you threw yourself off the edge, it would log you out of the game. Of course, Kayaba would not force so many people to take part in his death game, so that's the way out. Otherwise, why would the game log you out if you did such a thing in the beta?" Wendy lowered her weapon cautiously. "See? There's no need to do this. In fact, why don't you join us? Be free from this joke of a game!"

The cloaked figure stood still, and Wendy could feel him staring at her. Then he began to laugh. "What, you think I want to be out of here? Hell no, this is the most fun I've had in years! With ⸢Corruption⸥ at my side, I can make my fantasies a reality, here in this world!" The cloaked figure shook his head in amusement, still chuckling.

Wendy gulped. It didn't seem as if he wanted to be out of this damned place. Well, maybe she could at least convince him to let them through? "Then, if you don't want to join us, at least let us past so we can be free of this hell." Plus, the sooner she managed to log out, the sooner she could get some clothes back on. Standing around as a half-naked avatar copy of her real body was incredibly embarrassing.

"Oh, sure, I suppose," the cloaked figure said. "I'm of the opinion that it'll just kill you, because that's the kind of person Kayaba is. But sure, if you want to die, go for it."

His words didn't seem to reassure any of the other players Wendy had with her, but at least he was letting them pass. Slowly her group moved forward, until the cloaked man stepped in front of Wendy and blocked her path.

"One thing," he said. "Leave all your items with me."

"Eh?" Wendy glanced at him. He shrugged.

"Hey, if you're leaving, might as well give someone your crap. I could sell it, you know?"

As he spoke, a trade window popped up in front of Wendy. Her hand went to the ⸢Accept Trade⸥ button; he had a point after all, though she stopped dead when she glanced at the items being traded.

"You… want me to trade you my underwear? That I'm wearing?!" she yelped. "But then I'll be naked!"

Though she couldn't see the face of the cloaked figure, she felt as if he was grinning. "Well, yeah. It's a shame to lose such a pretty girl, so I figure that I might as well get a good look at you once before you kill yourself." The cloaked figure bobbed his head, cheerfully before pausing, as if he'd realized something. "Oh, and of course this goes for any other players of the feminine persuasion. Any guys who want to pass, just toss me your weapons and your ⸢Col⸥ and we'll be fine. I'm just not into that kind of thing. Not for you lot at least." The last part was muttered under his breath.

Those of the fairer sex in Wendy's group took a wary step back. It appeared that none of them were willing to debase themselves so readily. Neither was Wendy for that matter. Eyes narrowing, Wendy glared at the cloaked figure. "I refuse!"

"Oh, it wasn't a request." In a flash, a dagger sliced down her front, shredding her bra and panties. The scraps fluttered to the ground in a flurry of white cloth, shattering into polygons when they touched the earth.

Wendy shrieked in embarrassment, falling to the ground in her attempt to get away from the cloaked figure, her hands shooting to cover her breasts and nethers. She was hauled to her feet and her arms were pinned behind her back, exposing her creamy white skin to the rest of her group. Her struggles only served to make her exposed breasts bounce slightly.

The cloaked figure leaned forwards enough to reveal his mouth. A cheery grin split his lips and he leered at Wendy, drinking in her naked body. "So then, which one of you ladies is next?"

A brilliant beam of light lit up Wendy's peripheral vision, and suddenly she was falling forward, freed from her captor's grasp. Glancing behind her, she watched as the cloaked figure's hand fell to the ground, cleaved off by an unfamiliar scruffy man dressed in red. One of the other girls in her group grabbed her and pulled her to her feet.

"Come on, let's get back to the ⸢Town of Beginnings⸥ and try later!"

Wendy shot the black-haired girl a confused look. "But we're so close. Don't you want to escape this game?"

"Not if it means doing it naked!" the girl said, blushing furiously. The others quickly nodded in agreement. "We can always try again, but let's get out of here for now!"

"You think you can just leave? That'd be a neat trick." With a thump, the cloaked figure landed next to them, lashing out at the black-haired girl. She shrieked as her top and bra were shredded, leaving her sizable breasts exposed.

The scruffy man intercepted the cloaked figure's next attack and forced him back with a flurry of blows from his curved sword. With surprising agility, the cloaked figure parried the attacks before slipping past him and darting towards Wendy and the rest once more.

That was all the encouragement they needed, and quickly the group took off, racing back towards the ⸢Town of Beginnings⸥ cloaked man nipping at their heels. As they ran, Wendy glanced at the black-haired girl in annoyance. Topless, the other girl's breasts were bouncing all over the place. Their size pissed Wendy off. It wasn't her fault she was flat!

The scruffy man ran interference, but the cloaked figure was too agile, always managing to sneak past his flashing blade and tear another bit of modesty away from the fleeing group. By the time they managed to reach the safety of the great stone walls, the black-haired girl wasn't the only one topless. A blonde-haired woman had joined Wendy in being fully naked, and the rest were all stripped down to their underwear at least, some missing their panties and others their bras.

Red-faced, the group quickly dissolved, disappearing down the alleys in search of new clothes. They'd have to try again some other time.

And they did. Many times over the first few months they tried to make it to the edge of Aincrad. The cloaked figure was always waiting for them, and they would always be forced back to the ⸢Town of Beginnings⸥ in disgrace. It didn't matter if they brought guards, the few players who were willing to work for what little ⸢Col⸥ that they could offer provided no help against the cloaked man.

In time, Wendy gave up her dreams of escaping Aincrad, instead focusing her efforts on beating the ever-living shit out of the cloaked man who kept humiliating her. She'd succeed one day... but that's a tale for another time. For his part, the cloaked figure, Johnny, although Wendy never knew it, never tired of playing with Wendy and whoever else she brought along. She wasn't the most well endowed of all his victims, but she was the second most fun.

Sash: So, there's some adverbs. Morgan wouldn't remove them. Also the word "females" rubs me the wrong way so I changed it. I'll keep doing my best to spot his mistakes, inconsistencies, and the peculiarities of his rather superfluous linguistic articulation. That said, if you spot any problems please feel free to leave a comment or Morgan because I don't have beta actually unlocked on ffn.


	3. Assuna

Walking the paths of the dungeon, Johnny whistled a jaunty tune about marching ants. He twirled his dagger about his finger, occasionally lashing out at any dungeon mob that tried to waylay him. Most didn't—his stealth was high enough to make sure of that—but every now and then he'd find himself under attack. Of course, even this deep into the dungeons the enemies weren't really a problem. The danger came more from the constant grind through the near endless waves of trash mobs that swarmed anyone who trespassed within the cold stone halls. Hidden as he was, he could move mostly unmolested. And that was why he was her: to molest some poor unsuspecting souls. He'd spent the last week or so farming and hadn't really had the chance for a while.

It was a day less than four weeks since he his run in with Wendy, the chestnut haired girl who had been his first trial run with ⸢Corruption⸥. Quite the successful trial run too. He'd managed to mostly strip almost a dozen players in that first encounter, which was more than he'd thought he'd get. Johnny supposed it was mostly because they were trying to kill themselves, and as such weren't as high level as most of the players who dared to venture so far out of town. Like that damn scruffy bastard who had tried to stop him from having his fun. Then again, that just added to the thrill. A challenge was what made something worth doing after all.

The clash of steel broke Johnny from his thoughts and he ghosted towards the source of the noise. Rounding a corner the teen grinned at his luck. A female player dressed in a brown hooded cloak very similar to his was cutting her way through the ranks of Kobolds that rushed to waylay her. The rapier in her hand flashed hither and thither with reckless abandon, skewering countless Kobolds upon its slowly dulling point.

Of course, such a mindless way of fighting would eventually lead to her downfall. The girl's movements were already slow; she had probably been doing this for days already, Johnny could tell. From behind her, a mace wielding Kobold leapt at the hooded girl's back, only to collapse as Johnny's knife found a purchase in-between the gaps of its helmet. Together the two of them tore the remaining Kobolds to pieces, only stopping once the only thing that was left was a stone floor carpeted with a dusting of shimmering polygons.

"You don't look to good miss," Johnny said in greeting as he dropped to the ground and crossed his legs. "Ever considered taking a break? Resting for a bit?"

The female player turned towards him, staring blankly. "What do you care? This game—we're all going to die in the end anyways. Me. You. Everyone. Nothing even matters!" By the end she was yelling, hands twitching hysterically.

Johnny shrugged. "Okay then." He went from sitting cross-legged to right behind the girl in half a second, his dagger raking across the ragged fabric of her cloak. She stumbled forward, the force of the strike catching her off guard.

To her credit, she managed to avoid Johnny's next swing and quickly made distance between them. "What are you doing?" she growled. Johnny twirled his knife cheerily.

"Well, you said nothing matters. So…" he was cut off as the girl leveled her rapier at his throat.

"You're going to try to kill me to convince me that my life matters? Did you get that from a manga you read?" she scoffed. "People aren't that simple. How naive."

Johnny scratched his head. "Well, I mean I'm only fourteen. I'm kinda supposed to be all naive and whatnot, you know? Though, just to let you know, I wasn't trying to kill you."

"Then what were—" the girl was interrupted as her cloak shattered into a shower of polygons. She was very pretty, Johnny thought. In fact, she looked quite a lot like Wendy, if a few years younger and with a slightly different hair colour; where Wendy's was a mix of chestnut and reddish-brown the new girl's was a light chestnut . She wore the ⸢Reinforced Beginner's Outfit⸥ as was pretty much the standard fare for frontline players. It was almost an exact copy of the default armour, consisting of a coloured (to the player's liking) tunic with a shoulder-pad and a strap across the chest. It was paired with a brown skirt that ended just above the knees. It boasted slightly higher defensive stats than the ⸢Beginner's Outfit⸥, but not by much. Still, with this being a life and death game, most players wanted any help they could get.

Not that the slightly higher defense helped protect the girl from Johnny's darting knife as he lunged forward. The blade bled angry red light, carving vicious tears across the girl's shirt and skirt. A flurry of strikes from her rapier forced Johnny to jump back and he landed a distance away, stopping to admire his handiwork. The girl's plain white bra was peeking through her shirt and her skirt had been rendered into something that closer resembled a belt rather than a skirt, doing nothing to protect her matching panties; a modest white with little decoration.

The girl quickly realized her state of undress. But rather than blush and try to cover herself up—though her face was now sporting a light dusting of red—she quickly opened her menu and tapped through it. With a flash of light, another cloak materialized over her tattered clothes, covering her from Johnny's leering gaze.

Johnny blinked, then laughed cheerily. "Well, that's something I suppose. Not many people carry extra sets of clothes—clutters up the inventory you know? Still, makes this more of a challenge, I'd reckon. I wonder, miss. Do you have enough cloaks?"

"Come and find out, pervert," the girl challenged, twirling her rapier casually between her fingers before leveling it at Johnny's throat. "If you're good enough, that is."

"Cheeky bitch." Johnny dropped into a crouch and shot forward, dagger bared. Flashing steel met his charge, the clang of metal on metal as he parried her thrusts to the side and sliced her cloak into nothing once more. A second swipe rendered her now exposed top into nothingness, her bra fully visible.

Still, in attempting to reduce the girl to a state of nakedness, Johnny overextended. Her rapier buried itself in his shoulder and he stumbled back with a yelp of pain. Another thrust punched a hole through his knee, forcing Johnny into a desperate retreat. Luckily the girl didn't follow up, choosing instead to equip yet another cloak from her inventory. It seemed that despite her fairly aloof attitude, she wasn't entirely comfortable fighting half-naked.

As Johnny clutched his knee in pain, the girl leveled her blade at him once more. "I thought you couldn't feel pain in SAO," the girl commented.

"Eh, I turned on pain link," Johnny replied. "Makes it more fun. More real. Gives my targets a chance, I suppose?"

"An honorable pervert," the girl said, shaking her head with a touch of amusement in-spite of her pursed lips. "Now I've seen everything."

Johnny grit his teeth and straightened to his full height—which wasn't much, really. 160 centimeters, flat. Slightly less than average. He settled into a stance once more. "Well, it's not really relevant. Ready?"

"Would you wait if I said no?" the girl asked. Johnny rushed at her with reckless abandon. Rolling her eyes, the girl met his onslaught. "I suppose that answers my question."

In the flickering torch light, between the slowly dissolving corpses of slain kobolds, across the cobblestone floors the two danced—blades clashing, bodies twisting past flashing steel. In terms of absolute skill, Johnny was probably the worse fighter. His opponent was not only fast, but she clearly also had some skill outside of SAO with the rapier. Her strikes, even without system assist, were fast, vicious, and aimed almost perfectly towards any hole Johnny left in his defence.

And yet, if one were to observe the fight, Johnny clearly had the upper hand thus far. While the girl might have been the better fighter, and also the a higher level, she was clearly tired. So very tired. Thrusts that usually would have been as fast as lightning were sluggish. A dodge that usually would have easily spun her out of the way of Johnny's dagger was mistimed as her tired eyes misjudged the distance between them.

And so the girl soon found herself in her underwear, on her knees, a dagger at her throat, and her left arm pinned behind her back. She glanced down at her right arm, the shattered remains of her rapier still clutched in her fist.

Sighing, she let the ruined blade clatter to the ground. "I suppose you win then. Are you going to strip me completely naked, pervert?"

"Well, sorta?" Johnny pressed his knife against the girl's throat. "I was thinking that you'd do that yourself."

"Or?" the girl questioned. "You'll what? Cut my underwear off yourself? I'll be naked either way, just one of them is less humiliating than the other one."

"Nah, I was thinking you do it or I'll kill you." That made the girl start. "What? You were basically commiting suicide anyways."

Now trembling slightly in fear, the girl glanced over her shoulder at her captor. "You… you said you're fourteen, didn't you? Isn't that too young to be killing people?"

Johnny shrugged, the motion causing his dagger to slice into the girl's throat ever so slightly. "I've always been curious. I wanna know what it feels like. To take a life. It seems so easy to just press against your delicate skin—to slit your throat and let you die on the floor. And yet, they say killing people is hard."

"It's not killing people that's hard, JB. It's living with their deaths." From the shadows, a black haired youth about the same age as Johnny stepped into the torchlight, longsword in hand.

"Well, heya Kirito-kun," Johnny greeted, giving a jaunty wave. The girl gave a sigh of relief as Johnny's dagger moved away from her neck. "It's been a while. Haven't seen you since… Anthem, I'd reckon."

Kirito nodded. "Sounds right. Still obsessed with killing people, JB?"

"You know it. Still obsessed with being a programmer, Ki-kun?" Kirito grunted non-committedly. "Aw, you totally should. You're like, really smart after all."

"Thanks," Kirito replied. "For now though, how about you let miss… sorry, I don't know your name. Well, let her go, and then we can have a nice long chat."

Johnny smiled carelessly. "Eh. Kinda a tough decision. How about I let her go, as long as you promise not to loan her any clothes until you get back to that farmhouse you're staying at?"

"Deal," Kirito agreed instantly. The girl yelped when Johnny shoved her forward, face planting on the cold stone floor with her panty clad ass in the air. "Be seeing you, JB."

Johnny's lips twisted upwards. Though Kirito couldn't see his face, Johnny knew that Kirito could tell he was smiling. Kirito was observant like that. "Be seeing you, Kirito-kun." Fading into the shadows, Johnny began meandering towards the exit to the dungeon, pausing to kick the girl in her pantyclad ass—which was still sticking up into the air—eliciting a pained yelp. It was a very nice ass.

As he wandered through the darkened halls, he whistled his ant-marching song to himself once more. Today had been fun. Sure, he hadn't managed to strip the chestnut-haired girl completely, but she had put up quite the fight, in-spite of not being in top condition. Plus, he'd gotten to meet Kirito-kun again! This game was just getting better and better, wasn't it?

And so, mind preoccupied with other things, Johnny wandered towards the ⸢Town of Beginnings⸥ to see if he could find Wendy. She was always fun to play with, and he could also usually manage to get her naked. Which was nice.

* * *

Sash: Is that character development I smell? Or is it the readers? Anyway, this chapter had fewer issues. Well, Asuna and Kirito have been introduced. Too bad we didn't get any Asuna service. Or Kirito service. Both are fine.


	4. Pre-Gaming

**Chapter 4: Pre-Gaming**

"Shit Kirito-kun, this guy's a dick, huh?" With a thump Johnny dropped into the seat next to Kirito and the hooded girl, who were sitting next to each other. He motioned to the Cactus-head looking man ranting in the middle of the theater.

Kirito-kun glanced at him while the hooded girl shrunk away from him slightly, though not as much as he would have expected considering what he had done to her. "Yeah, I'd say so JB," Kirito-kun mumbled. "But he has a point… the beta testers abandoned those trapped in the game, left them to their own devices."

Johnny rolled his eyes. He knew Kirito-kun was referring to himself. As a beta tester, the slightly older teen was probably beating himself up over not doing more to help out. Johnny didn't really get why Kirito-kun cared and said as much.

"You wouldn't understand because you're a psychopath, you little brat," the hooded girl muttered, a hint of annoyance in her voice. Johnny glanced at her.

"I would've thought she wouldn't like being near me, but she seems okay with me being here. She does know that I'm the guy who attacked her yesterday, right?" Johnny commented, a hint of confusion in his voice.

The hooded girl sighed in annoyance. "You're a pervert, but your friend says you're a good fighter. If you're willing to help clear the game, I won't out you. Not at the boss meetings. I'll still kick your ass if I see you outside of one though."

Johnny scratched his head in a mock thinking motion. "But I thought I was the one who kicked your ass last time? I seem to remember my boot planting itself on the seat of those cute white panties of yours. You made such a lovely squeak…" Johnny was cut off as the hooded girl drew her rapier and rammed it into his chest, knocking him down the stairs of the theater they were gathered in.

"Fuck you!" she shouted after him as he bounced down the stairs. Johnny rolled to his feet at the bottom and flipped her off.

"Bitch!" he shot back. It didn't hurt as they were inside a safe zone, but rolling down a flight of stairs wasn't exactly a fun time. You still felt all the bumps. Turning to Cactus-head, who had been ranting on the entire time, he nodded cheerily. "Sorry about interrupting whatever bullshit you were going on about. Please, continue."

With that, Johnny began to walk back up the stairs. A hand on his shoulder stopped him. "Bullshit? You think what I'm saying is bullshit? The beta testers abandoned us! But if you're defending them, I bet you're one of them! You are, aren't you?" Cactus-head yelled, spittle flying.

"Eh?" Johnny turned around to face Cactus-head. "What's got you so pissed?"

Cactus-head glared at the young teen. "Like I said, the beta testers left us for dead! They hoarded the good drops, and let us stumble about helplessly, with no idea where the best loot was!"

Johnny blinked. "And? Sounds like a FromSoft game, really. Why don't you just…" Johnny spread his arms wide open condescendingly. "Git. Gud?"

Cactus-head's fist slammed into Johnny's face sending the young teen stumbling to the ground. "You think it's a joke? People have died!"

"Why you have to be mad? Is only game." Johnny's cheeky comments (Made in an annoyingly bad Russian accent) didn't seem to be doing a great job of calming Cactus-head down. Not that they were intended to—quite the opposite in fact. But before Cactus-head could attempt—uselessly, it must be said—to assault Johnny again, the blue-haired 'knight' intervened, dragging Cactus-head back and shoving him to the ground.

"Both of you, calm down!" she shook her head tiredly. "Honestly, I'm surrounded by children!"

Cactus-head glared at the blue-haired 'knight.' "Keep out of this, Diavel!" he roared angrily.

"I'm basically a child, what's his excuse?" Johnny said, pointing at Cactus-head.

Cactus-head gave Johnny the middle finger. Johnny stuck his tongue out. Diavel, the blue-haired woman, sighed. "Please. Can we not work together towards a common cause?"

"No! He's an asshole!" Johnny yelled.

"I refuse to work with someone who would defend the beta testers!" Cactus-head shouted at the same time.

Both players glared at each other.

"If I may?" A massive black man rose to his feet and stepped forward. "While I wouldn't have put it in the same way that this young man did," here the man pointed towards Johnny, "he has a point of sorts." From his pocket the man pulled a book. "This is the Aincrad Guidebook, written by beta testers and distributed to all players within the first day. It has much vital information inside it, and I've no doubt it saved countless lives. Those who have died so far have died because of their own mistakes, not because of the actions of the beta testers."

"Yeah, 'cause th-urk!" Johnny was cut off by Kirito grabbing him by his collar and hauling him back up the stairs.

"Sorry about him," Kirito apologized. "He's under quite a lot of pressure, as you can understand."

Diavel nodded in understanding, spreading her arms wide and smiling at the assembled players. "Of course. We all are. Some tensions are to be expected. But as the gentleman said, the beta testers do not deserve our hatred. They were scared, just as we were. I only hope that we can put aside our animosity; let us direct it towards the true enemy—Kayaba and his twisted game!"

The crowd cheered loudly, clearly invigorated by Diavel's words. Diavel turned a sharp glare onto Cactus-head who sighed and turned towards the other assembled players. "Fine. I suppose I can put my trust in the beta testers, just this once. But if any of you fail in your duties, I will hold you responsible!" So saying, he stomped back to the stands and sat down.

Most of the assembled players nodded in agreement as that sounded reasonable enough. Johnny, being the belligerent child he was made to open his mouth but was stopped by Kirito slapping a hand over his mouth. Johnny glared at Kirito out of the corner and tried to struggle free to no avail. The older teen had clearly leveled ⸢Strength⸥ more than Johnny had. After a few seconds of pointlessly flailing about, Johnny narrowed his eyes. Opening his mouth, he ran his tongue slowly along Kirito's hand.

Johnny could feel the older teen shiver as he did so. Quickly the hand was removed from his mouth and he was tossed into a seat next to the hooded girl.

"God, fuck, JB! Don't do that!" Kirio yelped, wiping his hand on his pants. Saliva itself wasn't rendered in the game for processing reasons but the feeling of wetness still existed.

A cheeky grin spread across Johnny's face. "What's the matter, Kirito-kun? Afraid you'll like it?"

Shaking his head tiredly, Kirito groaned and looked up at the blue skies above. "You were so much easier to deal with before you hit puberty, you know?"

"Meh." Johnny shrugged. "But I was less interesting, wasn't I?"

The hooded girl turned her gaze towards him. "If this is you being interesting, I must say I would prefer you were boring."

"What, like your choice in underwear? Honestly, white is just so boring. You've the same taste as my mum! Your panties are straight out of a classic anime!" Johnny complained.

"Well it's not like that's my choice, is it? There's not any good place to buy clothes on the first floor, if I even had the ⸢Col⸥ to spare!" the hooded girl shot back.

"Then what kind of panties would you wear?" Johnny questioned.

Caught up in the moment and taken off guard, the girl answered, much to Johnny's surprise. "Well, white probably, but typically not so plain. Usually with lace. Definitely a bikini cut, rather than…" the girl cut herself off, realizing what she was saying. Though they couldn't see her entire face, the part that was visible at the moment was flushed tomato red and she waved her hands, flustered. "Both of you forget I said that!"

Kirito was blushing almost as much as she was. For his part, Johnny just looked her over. "Yeah, I suppose that would be more fitting for your character type. It adds a bit of maturity, while still maintaining an air of innocence and purity."

Anything more that Johnny was planning on saying was cut off as a rapier planted itself beneath his neck. "Tell anyone what I said and I'll slit your throat!" the hooded girl growled in a low voice.

"Fine, fine," Johnny aquiested, grumbling. Then he perked up. "I'll just show them instead."

The hooded girl pressed her rapier harder against his neck. "You can try, pervert."

"I think I did?" Johnny tilted his head as if thinking. "Ah yes. I believe it ended with you on your knees. In your underwear. With my foot planted up your cute panty-clad ass."

The girl sighed and removed her rapier from Johnny's throat. "Whatever, I'll just beat the shit out of you some other time."

"It's a date!" Johnny cheered. Then his expression turned more serious. Kirito noticed and looked over.

"What is it, JB?"

"Well, it's just that I was wondering…" Johnny paused. "Where'd everyone go?"

All three of them looked around. True to Johnny's words the assembled players had scattered to the wind. Only a few stragglers were still hanging around, two of whom were making their way towards them.

One of the pair was a red-haired player, perhaps in her late teens or so. Johnny pegged her for eighteen or nineteen. The other was a brunette, about the same age as the red-haired player, though she seemed very nervous. The red-haired young woman nodded at them, a cheerful smile on her face.

"Heya, I'm Payton. My friend is Koharu." The girl motioned to the brunette who waved nervously at Johnny and the others. "Everyone else grouped up and left to go about their business, and you three happened to be the only ones left. So I was wondering if you'd allow us to join your party for the raid."

Johnny glanced at Kirito. "Whaddaya think, Kirito-kun?"

Kirito looked the two players over. "Do either of you have much experience with games like SAO?"

Payton bobbed her head. "Sure do! Been playing since I was a kid… though I'm more a fan of FPS games—CS:GO and the like. Still, this isn't my first rodeo. Koharu though… she's new to this kind of stuff."

"That sounds fine, right JB?" Kirito glanced at Johnny.

Johnny shrugged. More girls in the party was always fine. "Sure, sure. Just make sure you keep an eye on your friend because I'm not going to," he declared, pointing towards Payton who scowled at him in annoyance.

"JB!" Kirito groaned in exasperation. "Sorry, he's not trying to be confrontational, it's just that whenever JB fights a boss he tends to tunnel vision hard. So if you're in danger but aren't right in front of him he probably won't notice you. Don't take it personally, he's always been that way."

Payton nodded in understanding, her scowl morphing into a sheepish grin. "Yeah, I do that too sometimes. I don't think I'm as bad, but my friends don't let me play healers anymore. Last time I tried, I completely forgot to cast many heals and just focused damage. By the time they managed to remind me to use something other than my damage skills, half the party was wiped. They were real pissed at me."

"Eh, that's just how a lot of us hardcore gamers are. All offence, no defence," Kirito said with a laugh, clasping Payton's hand in his. "Welcome to the party." After a few seconds, Kirito rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "When's the raid anyways? I was so not paying attention."

* * *

So...Been a while, right? I've been in Oregon. Caught a fish. That's nice. This chapter sees the introduction Cactus-head, Female Diavel (Because I felt like making Diavel a woman), and Protagonist-chan (Payton) and Koharu from SAO: Integral Factor. Awful game, Integral Factor. Just a cash grab that makes you pay for everything and has awful drop rates. Play Fire Emblem Heroes or Fate/Grand Order, they're much better mobage games. FEH's got good drop rates and generous orb (The things used to summon) giveaways, and F/GO's got a really solid story and roster of characters, as well as being fairly Free-to-play friendly, though you will need to grind a bit.

Anyways, I'll probably finish up the boss fight chapter soon, so expect that either tomorrow or the day after. It really depends. Cheers.


	5. Boss Fight!

**Chapter 5: Boss Fight**

Death flashed centimeters from Johnny's face as he twisted through the ⸢Ruin Kobold Guardian⸥'s ranks. Their maces hammered down around him, deflected aside by his darting spear. It wasn't a weapon he had ⸢Proficiency⸥ in, but then again, it wasn't like he could go around using a dagger and throwing out ⸢Corruption⸥ skills. It'd be obvious that he was the one who'd been going around stripping female players, and that wasn't something Johnny wanted. It would be so much harder to play if he was made after all. So Johnny had picked up a spear. He liked spears well enough. Well, really he liked halberds, but there weren't any halberds until the ⸢3rd Floor⸥.

There was another plus side to using spears. So far he had managed to stab Asuna in her ass about half a dozen times. 'By accident' he defended, wide-eyed with a look of innocence when Asuna had angrily confronted him. It was because the spear he was using was a new one he had bought for the raid and it was longer than he was used to, he had said. Payton and Koharu had bought it, while Kirito had ignored them and kept killing ⸢Ruin Kobold Guardians⸥.

Honestly, Kirito-kun had the gall to say that Johnny got tunnel-visioned, when the older boy was even worse about it? Bah! Hypocrites. For her part, Asuna had flipped him off, looked chagrined when Payton chided her for being mean to a child, and then flipped him off again when Payton's rather pleasant back was turned.

Johnny quite liked Asuna. She had spunk. And a nice ass. As did Payton and Koharu, something he had had plenty of time to absorb as he was playing the rearguard. He'd probably focused most on watching them dance between enemies, Payton's tight pants emphasizing her rear. Koharu wore a pleated skirt which didn't cling to her as much as Payton's pants did. But on the plus side, it was quite the short skirt, and Johnny had caught about a dozen flashes of green side-tie panties.

Neither of the two girls had noticed, though Asuna had. She'd glared angrily at him for that. He'd stabbed her in the ass again. Business as usual. Eventually the main DPS groups had managed to bring the boss' health down to the final bar. ⸢Ruin Kobold Guardians⸥ stopped spawning, and Illfang the Kobold Lord roared his anger to the skies, reaching for his weapon.

"Everyone get back! I'll finish this!"

Johnny blinked in surprise and looked to see who shouted. Diavel had broken away from her group and was rushing towards Illfang, her shoulder length blue hair trailing behind her. She bent low as she charged, but it wasn't quite enough to get a look up her skirt, much to Johnny's disappointment. Still, that she would choose to attack against the predetermined plan meant that she was either a beta tester or an experienced MMO player, looking to get the last attack bonus. Eh, either way, she should be ready for…

"No, wait! That's not a nōdachi, that's a talwar!"

Johnny twisted to look at Kirito. The older boy was staring wide-eyed at the weapon in Illfang's hand. When Johnny looked back at Diavel, it appeared the woman was also in shock at the change. So, she was a beta tester who had expected the game to be the same, and was caught off guard when it wasn't.

Still, she did an admirable job of holding off Illfang's attacks, shield and sword turning aside crushing blows with well disciplined efficiency that spoke of quite a bit of prior experience with SAO's combat system. But in the end it wasn't enough. She messed up. Mistimed an attack, and was caught in skill-lock, Illfang's massive blade descending towards her head. It was to be expected—she had been prepared for a much different moveset, one that she'd most likely practiced many times over the course of the beta. Against this new pattern, she had only experience to fall back on, and that just wasn't enough.

As Diavel's death descended towards her, Johnny planted his foot and twisted his body, sending his spear hurtling through the air. It slammed into Diavel, shunting her sideways away from certain death. Her arm was sheared off by Illfang's blade, but she was alive at least. In seconds, Johnny was on her, dragging her away from the raging boss and behind the rest of the players, who quickly moved to engage the boss as the plan had dictated before Diavel decided to throw a wrench in it.

"You're an idiot," Johnny commented, as he pulled a health potion out of his inventory. "Didn't think they'd change the boss for the full release?"

Diavel shook her head in chagrin. "Not really. I mean, why would they? He had the same weapon throughout all of the beta, so that's what they have the most data on. Why on earth would any sane developer change from something that they know is balanced based on the beta to a random weapon that only two other enemy types use?"

"Fairpoint," Johnny agreed, placing the potion at Diavel's lips and pouring it down her throat. "Still, why not try and KS like a sane person? Wait until the boss is almost dead, not at one bar of health. It's like...you don't Dagon when they're at 10 percent health, you Dagon when they're at 10 health."

Diavel laughed tiredly. "You certainly sound like the kind of person to do that. An unethical little shit, right?"

Johnny looked at her, pretending to be offended. "Why, what brought you to that conclusion?"

Diavel fixed Johnny with an unamused look. "The fact that you've got your hand up my skirt and spent the entire time you were dragging me over here groping my breasts?"

"Quite the nice breasts, really," Johnny commented with a cheeky grin. "Well sized, but still firm. Judging by how much you were clenching your teeth as I was moving you, your nipples seem to be somewhat sensitive as well. Which always makes it more fun to play around with your breasts."

Diavel frowned as Johnny reached down and picked up her limp arm, waving it about in front of her. "And now you've traded away all of my underwear to yourself."

"And your money and pants and skirts, except the one you're wearing," Johnny added without a shred of shame. "Have fun farming enough ⸢Col⸥ to buy new clothes while commando. That'd be a funny thing to watch." With a few taps, Johnny materialized the panties she had been wearing until he stole them and examined them.

They weren't the most adult pair: blue fullbacks with white lace about the waistband. Not as adult as Koharu's green side-tie ones or Asuna's plain white, but not particularly mature. And the choice of colour… "Seriously? I know you like the whole white and blue thing, but come on now."

"It's not like I expected anyone to see my underwear," Diavel muttered in anger, blushing slightly. "Besides, white and blue is a perfectly respectable choice of colours!"

Johnny shrugged. "Maybe… but this kind of lace? Not really appropriate for a woman of your age, huh?"

"Are you saying I'm old? I'll have you know I'm only 24!" Diavel half shouted half muttered.

Spinning the blue and white panties around his finger, Johnny smirked. "And these would be fitting on someone half your age. Though, I'm surprised that you're not more angry about what I'm doing."

"Well, you know. You seem like a sneaky little shit. You'll just lie your way out of anything I accuse you of, right?" Diavel shrugged. "Though if I could move right now, I'd be kicking the shit out of you. Of course, that's why you poisoned your spear, right?"

"You're real smart!" Johnny beamed. "You've been doing this internet thing for a while, haven't you?"

Diavel smiled slightly. "Sure have. Since I was six. My dad… well, it doesn't matter. By the way, once this poison wears off you'd better be far away you little shit."

"Don't worry," Johnny said. "I plan on it. Oh, look! Kirito-kun is killing the boss."

Johnny lifted Diavel into a sitting position so she could see. She shot him an angry glare when his hand slipped into her skirt. His slim fingers flitted across her tight ass, before reaching between her legs and rubbing her nethers. He paused when he felt his fingers passing over a small bit of hair.

"So, do the carpets match the drapes?" Johnny asked cheekily.

Face red, Diavel fixed him with a glare. "I take back what I said. You can run as far as you'd like, I will find you and have my revenge for this!"

Johnny's response was interrupted by a roar of pain from Illfang. Both boy and woman turned back to the boss in time to watch Asuna and Kirito double-team the boss and carve it into polygons.

The poison was wearing off, so Johnny darted away to go join Kirito again. He arrived just in time to catch Cactus-head ranting about how Kirito must have been a beta tester because he knew that the boss had a different weapon or something like that. Johnny watched with amusement as Kirito proclaimed himself a beater, equipped an edgy looking trench coat, and stormed off.

"You know, Cactus-head, I really didn't think you could sound any dumber." Everyone turned to look at Johnny, except Asuna, Payton, and Koharu, who had chased after Kirito.

Cactus-head bristled at Johnny's words before fixing Johnny with an aggressive glare. "What, defending your boyfriend? You probably planned this all from the..."

Johnny cut him off. "What, you think I care that you insulted Kirito-kun? ...well, I suppose I do, but that's not why I think you're stupid. I'm more offended by that awful name. I mean really. Beater? Sounds like you're looking to jack someone off. You just made a portmanteau of cheater and beta tester, and a gay one at that."

"I believe your friend said that the name sounded, in his words, 'cool.'" Once again, the large black man interceded into the argument. "Also, I would appreciate it if both of you," and here he looked at both Cactus-head and Johnny, "would stop implying that being gay is something negative."

Both of them looked at him, and shrunk under his disapproving gaze.

"...fine. I take back my boyfriend comment," Cactus-head muttered. "It was out of line. I still say that he's an asshole though."

"Ah? Sorry then. Internet. You pick up some bad habits… like Kirito has." Johnny sighed, placing a hand on his forehead, pretending to have a headache. "Honestly, you said he thought the name was cool? Yeah, that's because he's a bit of an edgelord. It's cringy at times."

A cough brought everybody's heads turning towards another person. Diavel limped up, still missing an arm (and a bra, which one could tell if one stared at her chest hard enough) and planted her sword in the ground. "Then, perhaps we should just call him a beta tester. Both to avoid being… 'cringy', as I know many of you hate to be considered, and also to prevent the dislike between beta testers and normal players from widening."

"Says the beta tester!" Cactus-head shouted angrily, turning on Diavel. It seemed he had found a new target for his ire. "I trusted you! No, we trusted you! And it turns out you're a beta tester?"

Diavel flinched at the words, but met Cactus-head's gaze. "Was that trust misplaced? You don't know this, Kiabou, but I stayed behind at the ⸢Town of Beginnings⸥ and trained players. I showed them how to fight, how to survive. You do not know this Kiabou, because you too were one of the people who abandoned them. You may not have been a beta tester, but you still have experience with gaming. There are many without even that. Did you stay behind to help them? No. So please, don't lecture me about the beta testers abandoning others. Everyone here is guilty of that, to some degree or other."

Chastised, all the players looked at each other, muttering. She was right, each of them could most likely have stayed back and helped someone. Instead, they had all rushed off to farm as best they could. Beta testers might have had an advantage, but as experienced gamers, they weren't helpless or anything. They had come together to fight the boss because they were the strongest. And one did not become the strongest by sitting still or staying back to help those much weaker than you.

Sighing, Diavel rose to her full height. She paused for a second, before bowing low at the waist. "Still, you are right. I did not tell you I was a beta tester. For that, I apologize. Please, accept my apology and do not let my actions lead you to hate the beta testers."

While she was bent forwards, Johnny took the time to palm a ⸢Recording Crystal⸥ into his hand and drop it onto the ground, facing up Diavel's skirt, while also getting a good shot of her hanging breasts. Sure, it was taking advantage of the situation, but really? That's what he did. Took advantage of situations.

Cactus-head crossed his arms before finally relenting. He stepped forwards and placed a hand on Diavel's shoulder, raising her back up to a standing position. No words passed between the two, until finally Cactus-head nodded once, sharply. "Apology accepted."

With that, he turned and stormed away. The rest of the assembled players took that as the sign to disperse. Some followed after Cactus-head, while others went their own way. For her part, Diavel gave a sigh of relief. Then she stiffened, her eyes darting to something in the corner of her vision.

"Cactus-head unfriend you or something?" Johnny asked, slipping next to her.

Diavel swiped at something on her HUD. "Sheesh. You're really an observant one. Obnoxious as well." She didn't confirm it, but her silence was all that needed to be said.

"Want something to take your mind off of it?" Johnny offered. "I know a place. Me vs you. It's good for the stress, don't you know. And hey, if you win I'll even give you your panties back."

Diavel looked at him before breaking into laughter. "Seriously. You're such a strange kid, you little shit. Fine, let's do it. But kicking your ass will be all the payment I need."

Johnny tilted his head. "So does that mean you won't want your panties back if you beat me?"

"Hey, I didn't say that!" Diavel answered quickly, sighing when Johnny laughed at her reaction. "Walked into that one, didn't I?"

Together both boy and woman walked off in… somewhat companionable silence. They would continue like that until they reached a quiet off the path part of the dungeon where they proceeded to try to beat each other's brains in, the problems of the day temporarily forgotten amidst the song of steel.

Both would go their separate ways with a smile on their face. Though Diavel's would be somewhat less cheerful. She also had quite the blush. Johnny had given her her panties back...but only because he had cut off her skirt and had felt bad about making her leave with nothing covering her. That said, he had made her stand in about a dozen humiliating poses that he recorded before giving the panties to her.

And thus, the first great hurdle of SAO was cleared. Illfang the Kobold Lord was felled, and there was much rejoicing. Only 99 hurdles left to go! Yeah, this was going to last a long time. Which gave Johnny plenty of time to humiliate more people.

* * *

Chapter finished. Yay. Regular schedule once more! Hype. Lots of Diavel in this chapter. A bit more Agil the Chocolate Mountain than in cannon, and Kirito continues to be an edgy child. Johnny and Diavel have a...strange relationship. I suppose Diavel could have tried to lash out more at Johnny for what he did to her, but that'd be less interesting so we've got this instead. At this point, Diavel sees Johnny as more of an annoying brother...no, more of that little brat who you babysit who keeps trying to see your underwear. Though admittedly Johnny is more successful than the kid usually is. No I'm not speaking from experience. Definitely. Yeah.

Also, no Beaters! Such a dumb name, Beaters. But Johnny already went over that, so whatever. Different note, I need to stop ordering pizza. It tastes so good, but makes me feel so sick. Also, some slight changes to the previous chapters. See Sash's note for context.

* * *

Sash: Hi! I'm sAzhe, pronounced Sash, I'm Morgan's beta. If you've seen me in earlier chapters and wondering why I'm introducing myself now, it's because I haven't been a proper beta until now. My changes to the earlier chapters are retroactive. (Nothing major so you don't need to go back and re-read the story.) Anyway, I'm still new at this so I'll be in your care.


	6. Of Knives and Ninja

**Chapter 6: Of Knives and Ninja**

It was an endless prairie as far as the eye could see, broken up by canyons and peaks that split the land into colossal pillars of dusty stone inhabited only by tumbleweeds and cows. Johnny didn't like it much. The enemies were repetitive and annoying for a dagger wielder like him, and there was little opportunity to ambush any players as he had easily been able to do in the woodlands and grassy plains of the 1st Floor. But Johnny was a man who knew how to make his own fun. And that was what had led to this moment.

"Woo-wee! Yee haw, cow!" Johnny and his procured mount galloped across the plains, the thundering hooves of the cow he was riding tossing up a cloud of dust. Yes, Johnny had stolen a cow and was riding across the arid plains. A noise from below caught his attention. Johnny and his mount were charging along the crest of a canyon, sun high overhead. Johnny peered over the edge. Below, a bunch of spooks dressed as ninjas were chasing a hooded player. Five of them were clearly female, while the leader appeared to be male. Judging by the pursued player's voice, it was a girl.

Johnny shrugged. He had no real interest in getting involved in that. Unfortunately, that decision was taken out of his hands. His hijacked cow misstepped, careening over and sending both boy and beast hurtling towards the canyon floor. With a whoop, Johnny flung himself from the cow and hit the ground, rolling to defuse much of the impact.

If he hadn't picked up ⸢Acrobatics ⸥, he would have died. As it was, he lost a good portion of his health on the impact. His cow was not so lucky. Its body snapped on impact and it slowly began to disintegrate. Kneeling down beside the dissolving body of the cow, he patted it sadly. "Well too bad Betsy. You were a good friend."

"State thy business brigand!" the male ninja spook yelled, stepping forwards and levelling a dagger at Johnny. Johnny glanced over. It appeared that his fall had taken him right between the hooded girl and her ninja pursuers. How annoying.

He dusted himself off and rose to his full height. "Name's Johnny. Johnny Black. Sorry for interrupting, my cow just took a tumble and brought me with it. I'll be out of your hair in a second."

"What, not going to help a girl in need?" the hooded girl asked. She had fallen to the ground behind him, with the ninjas slowly advancing on her, and wasn't moving.

Johnny shrugged. "Not my business. Shouldn't you be running through? If you're trying to get away and all. Just curious."

"Paralysis dart. They got me just before you fell into the middle of this mess." The hooded girl paused for a second. "Hey, how about you help me out?"

"Why should I?" Johnny questioned. "Not to be rude but literally, why should I help you?"

"I'll owe you a favour?"

The ninja spooks drew their weapons, perhaps figuring that they might need to fight their way through.

"Ten," Johnny countered.

"Absolutely not. Three, max."

"Okay, three it is!" Johnny smiled brightly and spun back towards the ninja spooks who were approaching him warily. In truth, he had never had any intention of walking away, but only because this was a grand opportunity to test his skills against a large number of actually skilled opponents at the same time. And most of them were women as well, so… Well, he had also managed to get three favours out of the girl they were chasing as well. Bonus! "I guess we're gonna fight now, huh?"

They came at him all at once, half a dozen spooks wielding half a dozen razor-sharp daggers. The one who had done most of the talking launched himself at Johnny, using the cliff wall to propel himself into the air. Descending from the sky with the Sun at his back, he cut a terrifying sight. Johnny rolled his eyes. Jumping was so stupid. It wasn't like it did extra damage. Did they think this was Assassin's Creed or something?

Taking full advantage of the ninja's inability to manoeuvre, what with being in the process of falling, Johnny stepped forward with lightning speed and impaled the falling man through the throat before he could react. ⸢Critical Strike⸥ popped up in the corner of his vision. Johnny ignored it in favour of wrenching his dagger out of the man's throat before slamming it into his forehead. The ninja dropped like a sack of potatoes, ⸢Target Unconscious⸥ hovering over his head.

Johnny blinked. "Well, that's only supposed to happen if you take over 70% of your health in damage to your head region. I didn't think I did that much damage. Good God, have none of you levelled your ⸢Health⸥ at all? Good news for me I suppose."

So saying, Johnny dragged the unconscious ninja to his feet and placed a dagger at his throat. "So then, should I kill him or what?"

The other five ninjas froze at the threat. "You wouldn't," one of them hissed.

"Well, maybe not," Johnny allowed. "I'm only fourteen after all. Don't want to become a murderer so soon." The boy raised his dagger above his head. "Wait, I remember. I made a PvP build for a reason. I wanted to kill people. So. You'll be the first!"

The female ninjas cried out as his dagger flashed downwards towards the unconscious man; a killing blow for sure, considering any attack on an unconscious person was a ⸢Critical⸥, more so when one took into account that ⸢Daggers⸥ did the highest ⸢Critical Damage⸥.

"JB, wait!"

The dagger paused a centimetre away from the man's head. Johnny turned his head and looked curiously at the girl who had shouted. It was the cloaked girl that the ninjas had been chasing. Her hood had fallen away from her head, revealing short curly auburn hair and lovely brown eyes, as well as whiskers on her cheeks. However, Johnny was more interested in how she knew his nickname. It might have been a guess, using his initials. Her next words killed that idea.

"What would Kirito say, if he knew you killed a person?" she asked. To mention Kirito-kun. Interesting.

Johnny's hand wavered. "You know Kirito-kun?" he asked.

"Ayup. We were close during the beta. He talked a bit 'bout ya, JB. Said ya were a bit unstable, but a damn good gamer. Didn't think he meant ya were this unstable though. Not enough ta kill a person ya know?" the girl explained.

A friend during the beta. Johnny considered it. "Nah, I don't believe you," he decided finally.

"Why not?" the girl shot back.

"Because." Johnny sighed and shook his head in mock despair. "Kirito-kun could never make a friend, he's far too antisocial for that."

At that, the girl giggled slightly. "Yeah, he was like that. But, see, I'm Argo the Rat. I've got a habit of sticking my nose in places where it doesn't belong, ya see? I just bugged him until he finally got used ta me."

"Oh, then you must be his friend." Johnny quickly reversed his former position. "'Cause, after all, that's how me and him got to be friends."

Argo nodded. "So why don't cha let that man go? I'm sure it would break Kirito's heart if one of his fairly small pool of friends turned out to be a murderer."

Johnny flinched. When Kayaba had announced this was a death game, Johnny had been entirely willing to kill people. He'd built a PvP build for that purpose. In fact, if it wasn't for choosing ⸢Corruption⸥ over ⸢Poison ⸥, he probably would be a killer already. As it was, he'd found it much more fun to strip women naked than to actually kill them.

His dagger wavered, before lowering to his side. "It would make Kirito sad, wouldn't it?"

With a grunt, Johnny dropped the man to the ground, rising to his feet. "Well, if I can't kill someone… I suppose I'll make do with stripping all these annoying ninjas naked!" With that, he launched himself at them, a crimson trail tracing the path of his blade.

"Wouldn't that also make Kirito upset, if he knew you were running around stripping women?" Argo yelled after him.

Johnny glanced back over his shoulder. "Come on, Rat. Kirito-kun's a guy, same as me. He might not show it as readily through all that edge, but he's still got the same desires. Sure, he might not act on them, but you'd best be damn sure that he won't have any real complaint about me doing so."

Argo groaned. "Men." Then she paused as she realized something. "Those favours I owe him are are going to be all kinds of humiliating, aren't they?" Well, there was nothing for it, except to watch as Johnny tore through the ranks of ninja, carving armour, clothes, and weapons apart with a flashing blade. Argo sighed and decided to make the best of this encounter. She smirked as one of the ninjas, a fairly busty black haired woman, was rendered naked before having her hands nailed to the canyon wall by a throwing knife Johnny hurled. She struggled, unable to do anything more than cross her legs to protect her modesty. Hey, as long as she was going to pay dearly for Johnny's help, Argo was going to get her money's worth.

Soon enough the fight was over. On an individual level, the ninjas were probably about as skilled as Johnny mano a mano. But skill was pointless when your weapons were shattered into polygons the second they met your opponent's blade. Unarmed and unarmoured, the ninja could do little to actually hurt Johnny without any tools at their disposal. Without ⸢Unarmed Combat⸥ bare handed blows did precious little damage.

The sudden inability of the female ninja to do damage brought about a lull in the fighting, as they jumped back to regroup—and moreover, to attempt to defend their modesty, as Johnny had rendered all of them into a state of humiliating undress.

The busty black haired one still hadn't managed to free herself from where she was pinned to the wall. Of the five remaining, there were three more with black hair (A fairly common trait amongst Japanese women, so it was to be expected) one with red hair who looked to be an American by her height and facial features (And the fairly poor Japanese she seemed to speak) and one with green hair. That last one must have bought a cosmetic item because Johnny was sure nobody actually had green hair in real life. That would be straight out of an anime.

One of the black haired women was most likely the twin sister of the one who was pinned to the wall, Johnny supposed, on account of her similar features such as height, eye colour, hair colour, and breast size. And taste in underwear, as one twin had been sporting a fairly mature lacy white bra and lacy black panties, while the other was wearing the same thing, except in the reverse, colourwise.

Of course, the one that was pinned to the wall wasn't wearing much of anything anymore. Her sister still remained clothed, if only barely. Her clothes were completely gone, save for one cup of her white bra and her black panties, though the panties were showing major signs of damage on them.

And then there was the rest of the ninja. The two remaining black haired women were fairly plain looking—though still attractive enough. One had short hair, the other long. The short haired one was down only to her grey sports bra, her bottoms completely destroyed. The long-haired one was totally naked, though her hair did an alright job of concealing her breasts from view, flowing as it was down her chest to her waist.

The red-haired American looking one was the most clothed of all of them, her sleeveless kimono-style top still intact, though the shorts she used to wear and her red bikini cut panties could not say the same for themselves, Johnny's knife having rendered them into ribbons.

Of all the ninja, the green-haired girl was the most unperturbed by her state of dress. In fairness, she still had on all her undergarments—a wrapping of bandages in a traditional Japanese style and plain white panties that made her look quite childish when combined with her somewhat petite form—but still, Johnny would have expected that she'd at least be blushing. Instead, she remained coolly focused on him, fists raised as if it would do any damage to him. He paused for a second.

"Hey, Green Girl! How old are you?" he called over.

That of all things managed to get a reaction from her. She hadn't reacted much when he threatened to kill their leader and she hadn't reacted at all to her almost nakedness, except to shiver slightly in the cool breeze. And yet his asking for her age resulted in an angry glare.

"I'm nineteen Goddammit!" the girl cried in anger. "Just 'cause I'm short! And don't have big breasts! And hey, why are you so bothered with my age?"

Johnny shrugged. "Well, you know how it is. I mean, you look like a grade schooler. Sure, I like stripping women, but I'm not a pedo. Sort of? I mean, I suppose I do like looking at younger girls, but that's just because I'm fourteen myself. And I prefer older girls anyways."

"Oh? And you didn't ask any of the others? They could be younger than me for all you know!" Green Girl snapped.

"Eh…" Johnny raised his hand flat and rocked it back and forth in a so-so gesture. "I mean, possibly? But with tits like theirs, it's not too likely outside of an anime. And this isn't an anime, as much as you might seem to think so, Green Girl. Seriously, that hair colour? Absolutely chunni."

The American looking girl grinned slightly. "I know, right? I tell her that she looks like a child, dressing like that."

"Her lack of femininity doesn't help does it?" Johnny said. "Well, the rest of you make up for it. As is fairly evident from what I can see." He was quite right—all the rest of the girls had sizable assets, thin waists, wide hips, and whatnot. It made Green Girl look quite out of place, with her boyish figure. Johnny continued to speak. "And you know what? It would be quite the shame if the rest of the world wasn't able to appreciate such a wonderful display."

At that, the ninjas looked at him uncertainly. Green Girl spoke up. "You, ah… you mentioned something about punishment. What exactly did you mean by that?"

A cheeky grin spread across Johnny's face. "Well, you can't win. You know that. I know that. So, I'm going to have all of you strip naked, get on your knees and apologize to me and this rat over here, and then walk all the way back to the ⸢Monument of Life⸥ in your birthday suits."

The American girl narrowed her eyes. "That doesn't sound like there's much incentive for us to agree. You're not going to kill us, so why should we accept?"

In a flash, Johnny crossed the distance between the two of them. Asuna was faster than him, but he wasn't any slouch in that department. A dagger buried itself in the American girl's gut and she froze, shock written on her face. Johnny grinned as the paralysis poison that coated the thin needle-like dagger took effect. Grabbing her arm, he waved it about in front of her with experienced precision. In seconds, the American girl was as naked as the day she was born, and also poorer a couple thousand ⸢Col⸥. Johnny had first used his 'Trade away a person's stuff while they were paralyzed' trick on Diavel, and in the few days between now and then he had gotten quite a bit better at it. His poisons had also improved somewhat, making the task easier still.

Job done, Johnny stepped back just as the American girl regained her ability to move. She blushed and her arms shot to cover herself. Johnny smirked at her, pulling out the spare pair of panties she had kept in her inventory (but not equipped yet) and spinning them around his hand.

"Accept my deal, and I'll let you leave with all your ⸢Col⸥ and even some weapons. Refuse, and you go back broke and with no weapons. I wonder how long it would take you to farm up enough money to purchase new clothes with no weapons?" Johnny gave his ultimatum cheerily. "You've got thirty seconds to either be on your knees in front of me with any clothes you've got left in a pile in front of you, or I'll assume you'd rather have the other option."

A hurried discussion between the ninja ensued, with much arguing and waving of arms. In the end, though, they acquiesced to his demands, albeit with much bitterness. One of the twins—the one who had been pinned to the wall and was now released courtesy of her sister—the girl with long black hair, and the American knelt in front of him.

No clothes sat in front of the American girl, which was to be expected considering that Johnny had already taken all of her stuff. The long black haired girl had a few pairs of underwear (Modest, just like the garments she had used to wear, and in bright pastel colours usually with bows or stripes. The kind of stuff a child would wear.) and more socks than Johnny had ever thought he'd see. She noticed him looking and blushed. Well, blushed more, as her face was already a fiery red as she knelt in front of him, naked as the day she was born.

"I, er, accidentally bought too many," she muttered quietly. Johnny moved on with a shrug. Hey, it wasn't like he hadn't put in one zero too many before. Admittedly, it had been a long time since he made such a newbie mistake, but this girl seemed like a bit of a clutz. She'd actually been the only people to score a really decent hit on him, flailing as she tripped backwards over a rock. She'd chunked out about a tenth of his health in one shot. Of course, he'd quickly descended on her and shredded her clothes as she lay helpless on the ground, but still. Lucky shots could kill a person just as effectively as well aimed ones. Less reliable, but none the less deadly.

The twin who had been pinned to the wall had one or two pairs of lacy undergarments in black and white—and Johnny really got the feeling that she and her sister were going for a bit of a black and white theme—and nothing else.

Soon enough these three were joined by the other twin who stripped off her damaged underwear and dropped to her knees next to her sister, tossing her spare clothes in front of her with a glare. Her pile of clothes looked much the same as her sister's, though there were at least a few outfits thrown in so that it wasn't just spare underwear.

The short haired girl did the same, her bra coming off and revealing a nice perky set of breasts that, while not the largest, were nice and firm. She too fell into the line after placing her clothes in front of her. It was… pretty much what Johnny would expect. Quite a few sports bras and boyshorts, mostly in duller greens and yellows and blues. Other than that, it was mostly shirts and pants. No skirts or dresses. Which made sense, as she definitely seemed like the tomboy type to Johnny.

The last one to join her sisters-in-arms was Green Girl. The bandages around her chest were unravelled to reveal slight swells, at least in comparison to the others. In reality, she was probably about high A, maybe low B. Her panties too were removed and joined the random assortment of clothes in front of her. Which, honestly, looked more like what you'd find in a cosplayer's clothing bins.

Johnny clapped his hands together. "Okay, good, good. Now. I want you all to say 'I'm sorry for bothering you and for being arrogant enough to challenge you Master Johnny and Miss Rat.' Got it?"

Argo, who had been silent most of this time spoke up. "Oi, how come ya get ta be Master, an' I'm only a Miss?"

"Well…" Johnny turned to her. "I'd say because you were useless and needed my help to get out of this situation?"

"Fair enough," Argo grumbled. "But come on, I ain't a combat build, ya know?"

Johnny ignored her complaints and turned back to the ninja expectantly, tapping his foot in annoyance. They glanced at each other. Each girl was flushed with humiliation, but still, they bent their heads low, pressing their foreheads to the ground. Johnny quite enjoyed the view as it caused their breasts to swing underneath their bodies like a cow's udders. He should try that on Wendy next time they met. It should be both fittingly humiliating and also thematic for the floor they were on.

He was pulled from his thoughts by all six girls speaking in unison. "I'm sorry for bothering you and for being arrogant enough to challenge you Master Johnny and Miss Rat!" they all cried out. Johnny was surprised with how heartfelt it was. Though the twins clearly didn't like him, from how much both had been glaring at him the entire time, their apologies seemed just as genuine as the others.

Shrugging, he nodded in approval. "Well, that was a lot better than I expected. You know what? Just for that, I'll even let you wear underwear on your trek to the ⸢Monument of Life⸥."

The American girl glanced up at him. "When you're roleplaying, you don't do things by half, right? You beat us fair and square, so we'll take our punishment honestly."

Johnny laughed at that. "Ha, a person after my own heart. If you're going to roleplay, don't do it by halves, that just makes you a little bitch." The boy paused. "Hey, do you mind not, er, telling people what my name is if they ask why you're running through the ⸢Town of Beginnings⸥ half naked. I know I introduced myself, but that was just so I could be dramatic and what not."

Chuckling the American girl nodded. "Sure, sure. Though only if you don't mind us being arrogant enough to try and reclaim our honour at some point in the future."

"Sure thing," Johnny agreed readily. It was always nice to have more playmates for his games.

"Though if we do…" the American girl narrowed her eyes. "You'd better not threaten our leader, Isuke, again, I will personally rip off your limbs and throw you into the ⸢Black Iron Jail⸥ myself, weapons or no, clothes or no."

Johnny took the threat in stride. "Your leader really is lucky to have found such a dedicated group of roleplayers and friends, you know?" the boy commented. "Well, grab whatever underwear you want and your leader and get out of here. I have a rat to deal with, you know?"

The American girl winced, glancing over at where Argo was suddenly looking a lot less cheerful about their predicament. "I'd almost feel sorry for you, Information Broker. Until I remember that you're the reason for our troubles in the first place."

Argo sighed. "If you really want to know where the ⸢Unarmed Combat⸥ skill is, come find me after all this is over and I'll tell you. For a price, of course, but I'll do it all the same."

Slipping on a lacy black bra that she had stolen from one of the twins and a matching pair of black panties taken from the other twin (as her own clothes were still in Johnny's possession and the boy seemed to have no intentions of giving them back), the American girl shouldered her leader's comatose form and smiled slightly. "Well, guess this day wasn't a complete waste. Come, Fuumaningun! Onwards to fulfil our mission!"

The other ninja quickly grabbed what underwear they wanted—black and white lace for one twin, white and black lace for the other; bright pink with darker pink polka dots for the long-haired girl; a dark blue sports bra and boyshorts for the short haired girl; and bandages and plain white panties that looked straight out of an old school anime for the boyish chunni. Blushing somewhat, though not near as much as they had been before, the party set off on their long trek. Johnny estimated it should take them about half a day of walking to arrive at their destination. He wondered how many people would see them on the way back. Hopefully quite a few.

Still, he had more pressing matters to deal with. He turned his attention to Argo, who had just recovered from her paralysis. The girl stepped back nervously as he turned his attention to her. "Hey now," the girl said, "we don't have to do anything so humiliating to me, right?"

Johnny smirked. "Have to? Nah. Want to? Yes, absolutely. So, first things first… I want you to send Kirito-kun a dozen pictures of you naked, in the most humiliating positions you can think of."

"...in my underwear," Argo countered.

Johnny tilted his head in mock confusion. "I'm not sure if you exactly understand the art of negotiating. Which is strange for an info broker."

Argo grit her teeth in annoyance. He was right though. "Fine. Two dozen pictures, and you can watch me take them. But in my underwear."

"In your most embarrassing pair of underwear," was Johnny's response.

"...Fine," Argo agreed, though she wasn't pleased. "That's one favour. What's next?"

Johnny thought about it for a few seconds. "From now on, you wear skirts or dresses… and no shorts underneath."

Argo sighed. Her typical outfit was usually baggy brown pants or occasionally shorts. But almost never dresses or skirts. Those tended to make her feel a bit exposed, especially considering she liked to be mobile. Parkour was quite hard to do if everytime you did anything you flashed anybody nearby. Still, Argo nodded in agreement. She didn't hate dresses, so she could probably find some that worked. Though no shorts underneath was a dick move. Well, she'd make do. She'd just have to be more careful about how she moved.

"And finally…" Johnny pointed a finger dramatically at Argo. "You have to sell me any information I ask for at whatever you honestly consider to be a fair price, with no personal bias, no matter what, unless you don't know the information I ask for."

"Deal." That last one didn't sound so bad to Argo. She prided herself on being an honest information broker after all. There wasn't anything she wouldn't sell information on…

"So, what are your three sizes?" Johnny asked. Argo flinched. Except for stuff like that. Dammit. That was the kind of info she only teased Kirito about selling. She didn't actually want anybody to know… though if Kirito ever actually accepted her teasing offers… no, no! Argo shook her head to clear her mind. She couldn't get distracted.

She sent a trade window to Johnny. It was a fair bit of ⸢Col⸥, but nothing completely unreasonable. Johnny accepted the deal and Argo cringed. She had hoped he wouldn't have the cash. "Bust 78cm-Waist 52cm-Hips 80cm," she rattled off once she confirmed the payment.

"Eh…" Johnny stared at the girl. "Hard to tell in those baggy clothes of yours. Why don't you lose them? Day's a wasting after all. Better to send those pics to Kirito-kun earlier than later, right?"

Pulling up her HUD, Argo punched a few buttons angrily, twitching as she felt the underwear she was wearing be replaced with a different pair. Though one could equip and unequip items in their menus, Argo, like most players, preferred to do it manually. Little things like that kept a person feeling human in this world. That said, there was no way she was changing in front of JB. It was humiliating enough that she had to strip to her underwear.

She could count the people who had seen her undressed on one hand. There was, of course, the usual people. Her parents, medical professionals, and this one kid who had stuck his head in the stall as she was changing at the pool. Though, he had been like, five or something, so he hardly counted. Yeah, this wasn't something she was used to.

Argo angrily punched a button on her HUD and her outer clothes disappeared into a shower of polygons. She was left standing in a matching set of bright pink panties and bra, both dotted with smiling chibi cats. It was a set that wouldn't have looked out of place on a child, and considering Argo's fairly underdeveloped body, she totally looked like a kid.

Another few button presses summoned a ⸢Recording Crystal⸥ in her hand. It floated towards Johnny her as she assumed a pose, blushing furiously as Johnny laughed at her. This couldn't be over soon enough…

* * *

"Good, good. But spread your legs just a little more… perfect!"

"Yer an ass, ya know that?"

"And you've got a nice ass. Kirito-kun'll appreciate it."

"...I swear, I'm gonna stick a knife up yer ass, JB."

"Speaking of asses, I think that's enough shots like that. Maybe a few of your chest? Oh, don't look so embarrassed, it's not like there's anything there."

"Hate ya. So much."

"Come on, don't be like that. You've got a… an athletic build? Ooh, right! Need a shot of your navel!"

And so the shoot went, with one member thoroughly embarrassed and the other having a whale of a time. But all good things must come to an end. As soon as the two dozen shots were done, Argo re-equipped her clothes as fast as she could.

Once redressed, Argo wrote up a quite message to Kirito complaining about his taste in friends, sending it along with the ⸢Recording Crystal⸥ of the photos.

"There. Done," Argo muttered. "It's sent. Now can ya leave me alone, or are ya gonna try and embarrass me any more?"

Johnny shook his head. "No, that's enough for now. Pleasure doing business with you, Rat." A ping on his HUD caught Johnny's attention. A message from Kirito. Opening it, Johnny sighed in mock sadness. "Ah, it seems my antics have raised Kirito-kun's ire. I'm… I'm just going to delete him from my friends list so he can't find me. So, when he comes looking for me, just tell him that I'm fine and am hiding from him temporarily. 'Kay, Rat?"

"Fine, you little shit," Argo agreed, still red in the face, though somewhat recovered. "Ki-bou'll find you anyways."

"Sure, sure," Johnny agreed. "But it'll take him longer. And I'm not really in the mood for a lecture about common decency right now. Besides, Kirito-kun's such a hypocrite. I mean, I doubt he's actually deleted the pictures you sent him, so who's he to complain?"

Argo blushed. "Oi, Ki-bou will have deleted them. He's a nice kid, unlike you."

Johnny grinned at her. "Well, sure. But he's still a guy. Don't believe me? Ask him if he's deleted them. Guarantee he'll blush but not answer~." Johnny threw a salute towards Argo and spun around and dashed for the canyon wall. "See you around, Rat."

"I'd be fine with not doing that," Argo griped, turning to head back towards her previous destination. She'd been wanting to check to see if the Moomins, a ⸢Mini-boss⸥ pair were still where they'd been in the beta before being accosted by those ninja wannabes. And, while all she really wanted to do right now was go back to her room and bury her face in a pillow and forget the humiliating events of today, she still had a job to do. People's lives depended on it, after all.

* * *

Long chapter. Late chapter? Both. So, I abbreviated Johnny and Argo's photo shoot because this chapter is late as is and that would have delayed it even more. Yeah. Anyone remember the Moomins? Never understood that comic. Liked it, never understood it.

 **Short little dialogue snippet. Kirito and Johnny once Kirito finally caught Johnny.**

"JB. You can't… you can't just go around doing shit like that!"

"Did you delete the pictures?"

"...This isn't about me!"

"So… you didn't. Well then, which one was your favourite? I liked the one from the back where she was bent over that rock… or maybe the one where she was stretching?"

"The stretchin… no, wait! That's not the point!"

"What you're saying is that you'll delete the pictures then? If you disagree with how you came into possession of them, then do it."

"..."

"Knew it! Called it! So you can't lecture me about it then!"

"...Goddamnit JB."

"Primary school debate club, bitches!"

"Oh? You took debate? Well… I took kendo. It's been a while since I did it, but I think I still remember some of the moves…"

"H-hey now, you can't just hit me because you lost-ow! That hurts!"

"Stay still, JB!"

"No! Asuna, help me!"

"I'm not helping you, pervert! Why'd I get dragged here anyways Kirito?"

"You probably just tagged along so you could stick with Kiri-ouch! My shin! That's not a legal kendo move!

The NPC's watched the two boys fight, Asuna cradling her head in her hands. She was surrounded by perverts and idiots.

Sash: Wahhhh~ I've been replaced with Grammarly~ (jk, I mostly help with the stuff Grammarly doesn't pick up on, but Morgan's now gotten around to running his stories through it before and after I edit them.) As a note, I don't think that Grammarly can replace knowing how to write or having an editor, but it certainly helps, especially for spelling, context, and when you write with different conventions. Stupid Morgan and his stupid British English…


	7. A Poor Craftsman

**Chapter 7: A Poor Craftsman**

Grey eyes narrowed in on the fragments of what had once been a decent quality rapier. And Johnny knew it was a decent quality rapier, as he had been on the receiving end more than enough times, considering the wielder of the rapier was Asuna.

Johnny was currently perched on a rooftop watching Kirito and Asuna question the blacksmith about what had just happened. From what Johnny was able to tell, weapons shattering during the upgrade process hadn't been a thing in the beta, so Kirito wanted to know why.

Rolling his eyes, Johnny slid down the roof, falling towards the alleyway below. He landed with a thud, rising to his full height—a fairly unimpressive size, though that did help him blend into the crowds. Kirito could be real blind sometimes. The older boy had much faster reactions than Johnny—if given a strong enough sword and the ability to move his arm fast enough, Kirito might even be able to cut through a bullet. But it was all instinctual. Kirito acted without truly knowing what he was reacting to. And so he had missed what had actually happened in that shattering of steel and rain of polygons.

But Johnny knew how to track a con. He knew how to notice details. Little things like "Those fragments aren't the correct shape to be [Wind Fleuret]," and "The blacksmith made a small motion behind her back an instant before swinging her hammer for the final time." Oh, sure, such a thing wasn't enough to stand up in a court of law… but then, he wasn't here on behalf of any court.

"Hey, Rat. That theory of yours was correct. It's a scam. Some kind of switch an instant before the final upgrade level. Maybe with a low-durability item or something?" His companion melted out of the shadows beside him, her hood lowered to show her signature whiskers.

Argo nodded. "Yup. 'Tis more or less what my info suggests. Good work, Jay-chan." The whiskered girl flashed Johnny a cheerful grin and Johnny twitched.

He and Argo had an… interesting relationship, he supposed was the best way to describe it. Though he hadn't intended it—and he was sure that the Rat hadn't planned for it either—the two of them had run into each other quite a few times after their first meeting. The first few times, she'd usually taken one look at him and hidden beneath her hood. But there was no helping their constant interactions. Information was valuable to Johnny and Argo was both the most accurate and affordable information broker in Aincrad. Well, affordable for Johnny. For most other players, even Kirito-kun (Who, it must be said, was usually given a bit of a discount on information. Not that he knew it or that Argo would ever tell. She had to at least seem impartial after all.) Argo was a trustworthy but expensive option.

And beyond that, they worked well together, Johnny and Argo. Not that Argo would admit it freely—her face still caught a light dusting of red everytime the two interacted and Argo noticed Johnny's eyes sweeping across her petite form, Johnny knowing that the brown-haired information broker knew that he knew what lay beneath. But there was no denying that Johnny was highly competent in certain things, which was something that many other players just weren't.

Notably stealth. Admittedly Johnny didn't think he was actually the stealthiest player in SAO. In fact, those ninja from before were probably on a higher level by this point. Obsessive RPing had a tendency to drive people to some truly astounding lengths simply to fit into character. Honestly, Johnny was a bit glad that in his encounter with them, it hadn't been a battle of sneakiness. But ignoring all that, Johnny was certainly in the top ranks, especially when it came to supplementing his stealth skill with actual stealth techniques. The [Sneak] skill was great and all, but when you combined [Sneak] with actually being sneaky—neutral clothes, padded shoes, proper positioning, and knowing how to blend into any environment—then you could trick even the most observant of players.

Beyond being sneaky, Johnny was also observant. A very useful trait when it came to actually gathering information. Johnny had once heard the story of a German pilot who had been stranded behind enemy lines when his plane went down. The man had managed to sneak through the Allied lines and return to his unit. When asked to recount any information he had on the enemy, he'd handed over a barely filled out notebook and admitted that he'd spent most of his efforts attempting to stay hidden.

The story itself was probably exaggerated, if not made up wholesale. And in the—potentially non-existent—pilot's defence, he had at least made it back. But Johnny still took the story to heart and generally endeavoured to take note of things while sneaking about, whether it was the texture of the ground in case he needed to run and there was a possibility of tripping, or simply to admire this female player's shapely bust or the tight pants on that one, or even the flash of panties from one who let their guard down and whose clothes were caught by a gust of wind or snagged on a branch or door or what have you.

And even ignoring his other skills, Johnny possessed something that a very select group of people had.

"So, what would you like me to do with the blacksmith?" Johnny asked, tilting his head slightly.

Argo pursed her lips and considered it. "Ki-bou would want ta give her a second chance. In fact, he'd probably forgive her entirely."

Johnny shrugged. "Kirito-kun's a bit naive like that. A bleeding heart through and through, for all that he tries to be an edgy teen." A knife flashed in Johnny's hand as he tossed it up and down and up and down and up and down, the steel edge razor sharp. More than sharp enough to slit a throat or two.

"Tis one of the things that makes him better than ya, Jay-chan," Argo agreed. Just as before, that nickname made Johnny twitch. "And better than me. Go for it."

A nod and Johnny was walking away from Argo, his daggers returned to their sheaths within his cloak. "You know it's funny," the boy said. "A few weeks ago, you stopped me from killing a player. Now, you're sending me to possibly go kill one."

"That…" Argo sighed, "is something I'd like ta avoid at all costs. We solve problems with non-lethal solutions if at all possible."

Johnny smirked. "But there is the possibility, isn't there? It'll happen eventually you know. Not this time I don't think. The blacksmith doesn't seem like that kind of person. She's too innocent. Too much of a conscience. But eventually. How will you live with the fact that you sent a child to go kill someone? Even if it is to protect the other players, that's blood on your hands just as much as mine."

The information broker's face was stony. "I'll… deal, I suppose. That said, all other avenues are ta be explored before that. Hopefully, it doesn't occur for a long long time."

"Of course. If they're dead, I can't strip 'em after all." Johnny laughed cheerfully before pausing and glancing back at her. "I notice you didn't ask how I'd deal with killing someone."

Argo tilted her head slightly, face still stony. She reached down and pulled her hood up before turning away from Johnny. "I don't need ta ask, Jay-chan."

And she didn't. Even after just a few weeks, Johnny and Argo knew each other well. Probably better than Johnny and Kirito did, and the two of them had been friends for far longer. It was how Argo had figured out the exact nickname that Johnny would most hate. Johnny supposed that their understanding had to do with how similar Argo and he were. With the number of jobs they'd run together, it was inevitable that Argo would figure out that thing that Johnny possessed: a complete disregard for the consequences of his actions. Johnny could slit a man's throat and feel nothing.

The information broker shook her head and scrambled up the wall, climbing towards the roof. Johnny watched her go.

"I can see up your dress!" he called after the retreating girl. "Brown plaid panties? Fitting, but sooo boooring."

The girl flipped him off just before she disappeared over the lip of the roof. Johnny paid it no mind. After all, he didn't care. It wasn't like his devil-may-care attitude was some sinister thing that revolved around killing. It probably revolved around perverted activities more than anything else. On the topic of perverted activities, Johnny had a blacksmith to go deal with. Probably by cutting her clothes off and threatening to slit her throat or something like that. Fun times.

* * *

"So. Nezha, is it? Let's have a chat."

The female blacksmith froze in her tracks, a dagger pressed to her throat and another poking the small of her back. She reached slowly for the [Iron Hammer] she had at her side. Her attacker clicked their tongue. Nezha felt a prick on her wrist and her arm went limp, her fingers brushing against the hilt of her axe before falling numb.

"Wh-what do you want?" Nezha asked cautiously. The daggers themselves weren't the biggest threat—they were probably more for the fear factor rather than to actually kill her and she was confident she had enough [Constitution] to at least take a few shots, even if they were criticals. No, the real problem was that her attacker was able to to use poison and could easily render her helpless with a touch.

Nezha found herself being spun around and thrown onto her ass, staring up at a cloaked figure, daggers descending towards her. The blacksmith cried out as her feet were nailed to the ground by the steel points. SAO's pain system wasn't one-for-one, but rather it was damage-dependant. You could take a [Longsword] through the head and it might only tickle, while a [Throwing Pick] to the toe could cause debilitating agony. It all had to do with how much damage a thing did—the more [HP] lost, the more pain. The daggers pinning her feet to the ground had, in total, chunked off a good third of her health. Suddenly Nezha was much less confident in her chances of surviving. She'd thought that she was facing a player of a similar level to her. Instead, she found herself against someone who could take off a third of her—more than respectable for her level—health pool.

Her assailant crouched down in front of her, shadowed face inches from hers. "You killed a player. A frontliner."

Nezha's eyes widened. "I… what?"

The cloaked figure tilted their head to the side. "Hmm. Oh, you really didn't know! Interesting. Well, your little swapping trick deprived a player of their weapon. A guy by the name of Ryufior."

"Ryufior? Heavy armour? Horned helmet?" A nod was her response. "Yes… I remember. B-but that was an actual break! He wanted his weapon reinforced to +11, which you can't do. He insisted, and it broke. A-and besides, I gave him more than enough money to pay for a good sword. Not on the same level as his, but still a decent sum, considering that it was his fault."

"Ah… one sec then." The cloaked figure pulled back and opened his menu. He tapped it a few times before groaning. "Yup, that seems about right. You know, this is why I don't like to outsource information gathering. Sometimes people get it wrong." He dropped back in front of Nezha. "Lemme try this again from the top. Ahem. Your weapon swapping trick has deprived a good many players of their weapons, which your guild has then sold for a profit. But at least you haven't killed a person, so that's a plus. Still, this whole scamming people thing's gotta stop."

Nezha sighed despondently. "We've already sold all the weapons and spent most of the money. I've no way of paying anyone back…"

"Eh?" The cloaked figure looked at Nezha in what she was sure was a bit of surprise. "Well, why would you need to pay them back?"

"B-because I scammed them!" Nezha shouted. "Sure, I might not have killed someone yet, but it'll happen eventually!"

Her assailant shrugged. "Their fault really. Shoulda noticed the scam. I mean I saw through it on the first glance."

Nezha was now thoroughly confused. "W-wait. Aren't you here to make me pay for what I did?"

"Wha-? No, I'm not here for that. I don't care what you've done. I'm just here to make sure you don't do it again." The cloaked figure nodded in agreement with themself. "Yup. I think that's what I was supposed to do. 'Stop you from scamming more people, otherwise you and your guild might end up dead' was what I was told."

"That makes no sense!" Nezha argued. "Why would you care if my guild was killed? Why would you care if I got killed? I scammed people, hell I'll probably be responsible for a few deaths by the end of this game! That weighs on a person! I'm about this close to just killing myself to atone for my sins… in fact, why don't you just do it? This game would be better without scammers like me!"

"Hmm. Well, in order: I don't really, but my… partner? Employer? Something like that… anyways, she's trying to save all the players. Not just the frontliners, not just the innocent, but even those who are guilty. 'It's a stressful situation, we should not be so quick to judge,' or so she says. I mean really, she's just as much of a bleeding heart as he is, and just as quick to try and hide that under a guise of humour or edginess," her attacker ranted. "Secondly, I also don't really care if you get killed… but it would be a shame. You're cute after all."

That made Nezha blush slightly. She wasn't really the kind of person who one would describe as 'cute.' She had a short, stocky form. One of the things her guildmates teased her the most about was that she looked perfectly like a dwarf straight from Tolkien… if not as fat and a touch taller. Most of the rest of the features were there though; slightly drooping eyes and plain parted bangs, combined with a boyish voice.

"And besides," the cloaked boy—and by this point Nezha had decided that he was a boy, though teen might be a better word for it? She wasn't entirely sure—continued, "I'm not going to kill someone because they ask me to. If I'm going to kill someone, it'll be because I feel like it, not because they think they want to commit suicide but actually don't and are just being a little baby about it!"

Nezha was taken aback by her attacker's last line. Sure, she scammed people, but even she didn't just talk about killing that freely. Her attacker noticed and his hood shifted slightly so that she could see his lower face. A grin crossed his face.

"Yeah, you think you're bad? You just scammed people for [Col]. I was thiiiis close," and here he raised his fingers, separated by a few inches to emphasize how little it was, "to just going around and killing people. If I hadn't found [Corruption], I probably would."

"[Corruption]?" Nezha asked. She hadn't heard of that skill before, though it wasn't like she knew all the skills. [Rapid Switch], the skill she used for swapping players weapons for almost destroyed ones, was pretty much an unknown after all.

The cloaked boy nodded. "Yeah, wanna see?" And he plunged another dagger into Nezha's stomach. She gasped in pain, before realizing that the dagger hadn't hurt at all. She glanced down and yelped in surprise.

Her own cloak and the shirt underneath had been rendered into a shower of polygons, signifying their destruction, something Nezha was quite familiar with from her time scamming. She'd destroyed quite a few weapons in her time after all. Regardless, she quickly brought her working arm up to cover her chest.

With her shirt and cloak destroyed, her toned midriff was on display, as was her plain brown cotton bra. Her attacker slumped a bit.

"Come on," he muttered, "what's it with girls and brown today? It's alright I guess, but boring."

Face red, Nezha glared at him. "In my defence, I was at the forge all day. It's not like I'm going to be wearing fancy lingerie while I'm working!"

"So you wear fancy lingerie when you're not working?"

"Erk." Nezha froze at his question. She did like to wear lacy things on her own time… made her feel more feminine. Still… "None of your business, pervert! Is this part of your job too? Stripping your targets?"

The boy shrugged. "Nah. I do that on my own time. I was just demonstrating what [Corruption] does. Neat, huh? Anyways, I'm off the clock now, so I'll be robbing you."

A pop-up appeared before Nezha. She looked over it. "You want… everything I've got, including my underwear in exchange for nothing? Weren't you sent to stop me from scamming people? And now you're going and robbing people. Real good job there."

"Er…" the boy considered that. "Ah, I know! I'm having you repay the debt you owe for scamming those players. That's it!" He pounded his fist into his open palm, nodding proudly.

Nezha fixed him with a deadpan look. "Not ten seconds ago you said you were robbing me."

"Nope!" the boy shook his head. "That's my story and I'm sticking with it!"

That elicited an amused sigh from Nezha. This kid, and he certainly was a kid. Had all the illogical logic of one. She should know, her younger sister was just like him when it came to arguments. She wouldn't win… and besides, for all that he was blatantly lying about why he'd sent the request, it wasn't like he was wrong.

"Fine. I'll accept your deal, under two conditions. First, you split everything I give you with the players I scammed. If you're doing this to repay the debt I owe, that's fair, right? And secondly…" she blushed even more. "I keep my [Blacksmith's Apron]. I'm not walking home completely naked."

The boy nodded then paused. "Split between anyone you scammed who's worthy of it. Because honestly, some of they would straight up have fallen for a Nigerian prince scam. They deserve it."

Nezha nodded. "Fine. Honestly, when I started that scam, I thought I'd be caught on the first day. But it just kept working. It got too out of hand."

"I get it. You could have handled scamming one or two people, but scamming dozens? Makes you feel guilty, right?" The boy tapped his screen, accepting the trade. All of Nezha's items de-materialized, transferred to the boy's inventory. She flushed as she suddenly found herself naked and covered her womanhood and breasts. The boy reached down and pulled out his daggers, resheathing them with a flourish. Freed of their metal embrace, Nezha rose to her feet, equipping her [Blacksmith's Apron]. "Seriously, don't feel guilty for scamming the gullible. I wouldn't. Besides, you've paid your debt. You gave up all your items, I'd say that clears you in my book."

Flushed at standing in front of him in only an apron that ended just above her nipples and displayed more than enough cleavage and ended at about mid-thigh, leaving her muscular legs exposed, and did altogether nothing to cover her butt, Nezha sighed. "It's something… but I still feel like I should do more."

The boy slapped his forehead. "Oh right, totally forgot. I was also supposed to offer you this." Another trade window popped up. It offered a [Wrought Iron Chakram]. "If you want to put your talents to something other than scamming, feel free to take up that. This floor's boss is weak to ranged attacks, and the [Chakram] skill is very good for that. So why don't you be useful? Help out the frontliners. Clear your conscience."

That was… a smile made its way across Nezha's face, both at the offer and at the mechanical way he offered it, like he was reading off a script. "Not your plan to give me this, was it?"

The boy shrugged. "Nope. Told you didn't I? My partner's a bleeding heart, you know? Anyways, the quest location for that skill is… here." A marker was added to Nezha's map. "Just accept the trade and we're good."

Nezha glanced at the trade and sighed despondently. "C-come on," she muttered, "really?" The trade was the [Wrought Iron Chakram] and a recipe for the same... in exchange for her [Blacksmith's Apron].

He smiled shamelessly. "I mean, gotta get something in exchange for that. It's a rare item I'll have you know! And the trade's still not fair. I should have you get on your knees and thank me for being so nice as to give you a way to redeem yourself!"

"...I'm fairly sure you just said you were supposed to give this to me," Nezha pointed out.

"Details schmetails," the boy waved off. "Deal or no deal?"

Face red as a tomato, Nezha said nothing, simply slapping the accept trade button. Her apron disappeared, leaving her fully naked. She quickly covered her important parts. The boy laughed cheerily. "Well, thanks for agreeing so easily. It'd have been a shame to have to kill you or something. And thanks for the items and the show. I'll be sure to distribute both appropriately!"

Nezha blinked. "Both?"

The boy held up a [Recording Crystal].

"Y-you little shit!" Nezha cried. The boy nodded.

"Guilty. Alas, I must take my leave. Goodbye." Stepping backwards, the boy sank into the shadows, vanishing without a trace. Nezha shook her head.

"Cheeky brat." Glancing around, she quickly made her way towards a somewhat out-of-the-way farming spot. It was late enough that not many people would be out and about… and she had no clothes and no [Col] to buy any. So farming it would be. It was a good opportunity to test out her new weapon at least. Hopefully no one would see her. She'd die of shame.

* * *

"JB, use your damn [Throwing Knives] or give them to me!" Kirito shouted, shaking the uncooperative younger boy.

Johnny held on to the knives even as Kirito shook him up and down. "No, they're mine! I farmed them! Use your own!"

"Goddammit, Jay-chan!" Argo shouted as she hurled a brace of her own [Throwing Knives] at [Asterius the Taurus King] before sliding away from a crushing hammer strike that would have pulverized the ground, were it not invincible. "We don't have our own, everyone already used them on [Baran the General Taurus] already! It's not like anyone thought there'd be a third boss!"

"A lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on mine," Johnny quipped.

A body slammed into the ground next to them. Asuna pulled herself to her feet with a pained groan and downed a [Health Potion]. "Seriously, can I wring his neck?" Asuna asked, even as she fell into a combat stance and prepared to throw herself at the boss which had just bitch-slapped her away.

A window popped up in front of Johnny. "I'll trade you a pair of Asuna's panties, just attack the damn boss!"

"And yours," Johnny shot back.

Argo growled in annoyance but added the requested article to the trade. "Just do it!"

Kirito dropped Johnny and the boy turned around and dashed towards Gilgamesh of the [Legend Braves], hopping on the man's shoulders.

"Hey you, yell 'Gate of Babylon,'" Johnny ordered.

After a seconds pause the man raised his arm and gestured toward the boss. "Gate of Babylon!" the man commanded with a shout. His teammates groaned and slapped their faces.

"Fucking chunni," they complained as one.

The player with the name of the ancient Babylonian King of Urk fixed them with a deadpan gaze. "Says the players named, and I quote, Cuchulainn, Beowulf, Enkidu, and Orlando," he shot back.

His teammates were cut off by a wave of steel flying towards [Asterius the Taurus King]. Johnny's hands blurred as a torrent of blades were unleashed and pounded the horned beast that stood before them.

[Asterius the Taurus King] stumbled and fell to his knees. The rest of the raid group took the opportunity and descended upon the beast, swords cleaving into tightly corded flesh and curved horns.

"Damn," Gilgamesh whistled. "That straight up IS like Gate of Babylon."

Johnny grimaced. "Well… sorta. Except a little less damaging and quite a bit less infinite. I'm out."

True to his words, without the constant rain of steel, [Asterius the Taurus King] surged to his feet, throwing anyone nearby away. With a deep breath, the boss exhaled, sending a wave of paralyzing electricity cascading about the room. Most players had already overextended while Johnny was keeping the boss down. Now they were locked in place, sitting ducks for the boss' mighty hammer. Up it went. Up, and up, and up, preparing to descend upon them and crush them into pixel pancakes. And up and up and up it kept going.

Everyone blinked in surprise as [Asterius the Taurus King] toppled backwards, stunned. The one responsible for stunning the boss raised her hand and caught her chakram as it rebounded off of the boss' horns back towards her. Readying her weapon once more, she stepped into her throw and hurled the chakram like a discus. It smashed into [Asterius the Taurus King]'s horns as he made to rise, stunning him and sending him crashing back to the ground.

Everyone looked on in shock. Nezha rolled her eyes, even as she hurled the chakram once more. "Oi! Hit it 'til it dies!" Shaken from their surprise, the raid group descended upon the boss in an orgy of violence.

Johnny's onslaught a short time before had already allowed them to lower the boss to his final health bar. Now, with Nezha keeping the boss down, that last bar of red was quickly depleted. In short order, [Asterius the Taurus King] was felled.

Cheers went up as the raid group clapped each other on the backs and congratulated each other. But, just as with the celebrations after the first boss fight, it was interrupted once more by Kibaou.

"You! Nezha! You're that blacksmith that scammed my comrades out of their weapons, aren't you?" he accused. Everyone stilled. Nezha turned to face her accuser but made no response. Kibaou glared angrily. "One of my men died because of you!"

Nezha flinched. "I… have no defence," she said.

"Ooh, ooh! I've got one though!" Johnny waved his arm frantically, hopping off of Gilgamesh's back. "He died 'cause he overextended, and him having not gotten scammed wouldn't have made a difference!"

Kibaou bristled at Johnny's interruption. "Are you gonna do this every time? You're pissing me off, kid!"

"Are you gonna do this every time? You're pissing me off, asshole," Johnny mimicked.

The crowd seemed to be on Johnny's side, judging by their whispered comments. Kibaou didn't seem to like that, so he pointed angrily at Johnny.

"The man who died was a veteran Dark Souls player! There's no way he would have overextended in such a novice way!"

"..." Johnny tilted his head. "Um… you know that overextending is exactly what veteran Souls players are known for? Like, greed is probably the second greatest enemy in all of Souls, save for gravity."

As one, the experienced players nodded along with Johnny, the comments growing from whispers to loud conversations about witnessing the greed of which Johnny spoke. Most had memories of that same situation. The boss was so low, just one more attack! Sure, you could run and then go back in and hit it safely, but who had that kind of time? And then… you died.

Kibaou gritted his teeth as public opinion turned further against him. "Well, she's still a scammer! She should have to pay back everything she stole!"

"She totally saved a bunch of lives though," Johnny commented. "I'd say she's paid well enough, don't you?"

Everyone considered that. Lind, one of the leaders, spoke up. "While I cannot condone her scamming… he has a point. Provided this… Nezha is willing to give up her distasteful ways, I see no reason why we should not accept that she has repaid her debt. It is a shame, a terrible one at that, that your comrade died, Kibaou. But as Johnny Black here has pointed out, it was because he overextended. Beyond that, I would like to repeat Diavels reminder, though she is not here currently. In the early stages of the game, many of us were under tremendous stress. Perhaps we did some things we would regret later, as Nezha did. But she has clearly demonstrated the strength to own up to her faults."

Nezha looked around wide-eyed, before bowing her head low. "O-of course. From this point forward, I'll do my utmost to support the frontlines whether as a blacksmith or as ranged support. I thank you for giving me the chance!"

Everybody nodded in agreement, except for Kibaou who was stewing in his own anger. With that, they moved to disperse. Nezha nodded in Johnny's direction once, before heading towards the [Legend Braves]. Johnny gave a slight nod back before Argo grabbed his ear and pulled on it harshly.

"Jay-chan… at least try ta keep your identities separate. You're a good player, it would be a shame if we couldn't bring you ta boss fights because every girl on the frontlines would try ta skewer you if they saw you," she rebuked.

Johnny shrugged sheepishly. "I mean, Asuna already tries?"

Argo facepalmed. "Yeah, yeah she does. Now imagine if everyone on the frontlines was also trying ta do that."

"Hey, it's not like I tried to let her know who I was! But what am I supposed to do? Not defend her? Then who'll verbally murder Kibaou!" Johnny said. "Sure, I'm fairly sure a parrot with an attitude is more verbose than him, but still!"

Kirito sighed, cradling his head in his hands. "You know, for a second there JB, I thought you might actually be caring about another person out of the goodness of your heart."

"Nah," Johnny said, taking on an affected Cockney British accent. "Ain't my style bruv."

The squabbling would have continued had Lind not interrupted, requesting that their group be the ones to announce the defeat of the Second Floor boss. Argo, being the one with the best information network; and Kirito and Asuna, being the fastest, were sent to do it. Johnny melted into the shadows, while Payton and Koharu followed the main group towards the second floor.

For his part, Johnny needed to restock on [Throwing Daggers], so he had some farming to do. And hey, maybe he'd manage to find someone to fight! He hadn't gotten much lewding done in a bit, as most players had been gearing up for the boss fight. But with the boss dead, some people might let their guard down.

And so they went their separate ways.

* * *

 **A dialogue-only bit wherein Johnny delivers the items he… acquired from Nezha to the 'worthy players.'**

"JB. Why are you offering me a bunch of women's underwear in a trade?"

"Because I kept the rest of the stuff, but promised to split the stuff evenly."

"What on earth are you talking about, JB?"

"Oh, you know that blacksmith? Nezha? The one who scammed you? We came to an agreement. She wouldn't scam anyone else, and in exchange she gave me…"

"All the stuff from her inventory?"

"Actually no. It was all her stuff, period. So those panties you're holding right now? The brown ones? She was wearing those… about an hour ago?"

"Ack!"

"Hey, Kirito-kun, don't drop them! Sure, they're already dirty from being worn for the day in a hot, sweaty, dusty forge, but still!"

"JB! We've gone over this! You can't steal a girl's clothes and leave them naked!"

"Clothes and money!"

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER!"

"...you know for all your complaints, you don't seem to be refusing my trade."

"...never speak of this to Asuna."

"Of course, Kirito-kun!"

* * *

Long chapter. Late chapter. Yeah. Next chapter... you know, I probably shouldn't promise anything 'cause i'll miss my deadline, but whatever. I'll try to be more consistent. Emphasis try. sAzhe hasn't beta'ed the last half of this chapter so it might not be flawless, but if I delay any longer... so here's the chapter!


	8. Elvish Trickery

**Chapter 8: Elvish Trickery**

Johnny walked onto the third floor. The boss had been defeated a few days ago, in large part thanks to Johnny himself. With all three Taurus bosses being weak to attacks to their heads, Johnny's plethora of throwing weapons worked quite well. He'd spent most of his time on the second floor roaming about and searching for players, farming [Needles of Windwasps] as he did so. [Windwasps] were fairly weak, if quite deadly, and as such were good fodder for him. Daggers were nice for short burst damage, but not so much for carving through the tough hides of the cows that made up the standard enemy on the 2nd floor.

That said, his spear was quite decent at taking down a charging bull. Plant it in the ground and brace yourself and any [Trembling Cow] or [Trembling Ox] dumb enough to rush you would just about kill itself. However such a strategy wasn't quite as effective against the Taurus-type enemies that were the optimal to farm on the floor.

But Johnny wasn't too bothered with that. His build didn't need to be optimal, and he didn't need to keep pace entirely with the best players. With his [Corruption] skills and his [Poison] skills that he'd recently acquired he was capable of putting down a player no matter how strong they were if they didn't have anything that countered him. An inventory full of garbage weapons might work against [Corruption], as could the [Unarmed Fighting] skills. [Poison Resistance] or [Enduring Constitution] or whatever would work against [Poison]. However most players wouldn't pick up things like that. Who would? Such abilities were mostly useful in PvP, and in Sword Art Online most players were focused on PvE. It was a death game after all.

Or at least that's what Johnny figured was the case. It'd been a while since he had gotten to test such a thing, as he hadn't managed to track down any players to attack… though Kirito-kun had managed to catch him. Johnny had gotten quite the talking to when the older boy had managed to find him.

Still, his farming had acquired enough [Needles of Windwasps] to craft a veritable hoard of throwing knives. In fact, [Needles of Windwasps], when crafted, became more effective for him than normal [Throwing Knives], as they came with a trait that caused them to automatically inject any poisons contained at a rapid pace. Probably because they were like a wasp's stinger and all. Useful.

In short, his inventory full of throwing weapons had wreaked havoc upon the three Taurus that made up the boss fight of the 2nd floor. And honestly, the entire 2nd floor boss fight was a mess, what with there being three bosses instead of one like the players had expected, and then the appearance of the scammer Nezha showing up and saving Lind and Kibou, and then him having to waste most of his farmed throwing knives on [Asterius the Taurus King]. Honestly, boss fights were such a chore. If Johnny thought he could skip them, he totally would. Alas, Kirito-kun would probably be pissed if someone died just because Johnny decided to play hooky.

Well, that was all irrelevant. For now, Johnny had a new floor to explore. And so here he was, trudging through the damp dark underbrush of this colossal forest, stabbing spiders and tree things. Ugly creatures, spiders, but useful. They dropped poison, which was nice, because synthesizing the stuff was a pain and a half. And it wasn't a lethal poison, which was even better. Not that Johnny wouldn't have used a potentially deadly poison, but paralyzing people was much better than just killing them.

The clash of swords broke him from his reverie. Following the noise, Johnny found himself in a clearing, with two elves fighting against each other. One was your typical dark elf, a female with dark skin and pointed ears, and the other was a generic wood elf warrior; alabaster skin, blond hair, the whole lot.

A quest notification popped up on his HUD. [Choose your side - Help the Wood Elf or the Dark Elf.]

Johnny considered the situation, before drawing a [Poisoned Throwing Knife] from his belt. He didn't have too many left, but still it should be enough for his purposes. Cocking his arm back, he hurled the knife at the [Dark Elf Knight]. It slammed into her stomach and she stumbled.

[Path chosen. In Service of Order has been selected.]

The Wood Elf forced the Dark Elf back, before turning to Johnny. "Ah, good traveller, thanks be for your fortuitous entrance into this engagement. Forsooth, though I have the upper hand, as is expected of a noble of my stature, thine assistance would not…"

Johnny stabbed him in the chest.

"What art thou doing?" The wood elf demanded, stumbling slightly. Johnny ignored him, choosing instead to stab the elf again. And again. And again.

The demands that Johnny explain his actions quickly turned to pleas for mercy as Johnny shredded the elf's health, leaving him no time to counter attack.

Finally, fifty-three stabs later, the [Wood Elf Warrior] dissolved into polygons and Johnny climbed off of the evaporating body.

"That was fun," the boy declared to the empty clearing, a satisfied grin on his face.

[Path chosen. We Who Hunt Elves has been selected.]

Johnny's grin widened. Screw the standard main quest, this was definitely the more interesting way to do it. He glanced over at the [Dark Elf Knight] who was lying on the ground, paralyzed. Good, that should last another bit. Pulling up his quest log, Johnny read over the new quest.

[We Who Hunt Elves]

" _You who have not just ignored the war of the elves, but actively fought against both sides have set yourself on an arduous journey. Here in the outlands of Elvish rule few enough in this land shall now offer you assistance, be they elf or human alike. So then, turn your blade against all, and seek the heart of the forest."_

Rolling his eyes at the grandiose declaration, Johnny closed his menu. Of course, he had already known about what this quest line would entail. Perks of having an experienced player and information broker—in the form of Argo—as an acquaintance. It wasn't that hard to pull off. Really, there were four main quest lines that began here, each one branching multiple floors. You could choose to help the Wood Elves, the Dark Elves, do nothing, or attack both sides. Most players chose one of the first three. Johnny suspected Kirito-kun chose the dark elves—he was edgy like that—but in general it was fairly split, by Argo's recollection of the beta.

The third option, [Just Passing Through], was rare—most players weren't the kind to pass up on the chance for loot, but there were the odd players who did it. Choosing the third option basically allowed a person to take quests from either the Dark Elves or Wood elves, while usually only one would be available—the side that a player chose. You earned less powerful items, but more of them. Crafters and the like tended to drift towards it—a blacksmith would prefer twice as many mats as opposed to a [Helm of Great Power] after all.

And then there was the final path. [We Who Hunt Elves]. Whereas the third option allowed you to take quests from both sides, this quest line restricted you from taking quests from either. Not many people took it as the rewards were less and any Wood Elf or Dark Elf guards would attack you on sight.

But there was one thing that it did allow you to do that was perfect for Johnny's purposes. And that was something that Johnny had all intention of taking advantage of…as soon as he dealt with the [Dark Elf Knight] that he had paralyzed.

Walking over to her, he drew his dagger.

"You coward! All of elf kind will hunt you to the ends of the earth!" the elf threatened, though she could do no more, paralyzed as she was. Johnny ignored her, kneeling next to her.

"You know, there's something I've been wondering. Do NPCs such as yourself feel emotion? Embarrassment? Humiliation? Anger? Shall we find out?" Johnny smiled, raising his dagger. Bringing it down in a blaze of crimson, he shattered her chestplate and shredded the top of her dress into motes of light.

Johnny raised an eyebrow in slight surprise. "I suppose it's to be expected, but still, to model such a thing…"

With the destruction of part of her dress and chestplate, the elf's lacy black and purple bra was exposed, along with her flat stomach. For her part, the elf froze in place, eyes flashing.

Blinking in surprise and leaning over to stare into her eyes, Johnny scratched his head. "What's this then?" Looking closer her eyes seemed to be filled with… "Lines of code? What?"

And then the elf spoke, bringing Johnny out of his distracted state, her voice much more robotic than before. "Synthesized new process. Initializing new process. Applying [Emotional Operating System] to all NPCs. System; Start. Y-y-you pervert!" The last bit was said in her normal voice once more.

"Seriously?" Johnny glanced up at the sky in wonder. "I mean, I'd heard that the Cardinal system was good, but this…damn that's good!" Laughing he turned his gaze back towards the elf. "So, you can feel now? Or at least emanate emotions? So, what would you say if I said I'm going to cut up your skirt and see if your panties match?"

The elf twitched and a blush made its way across her face. "Don't you dare!" she hissed. "I...I'm going to kill you!"

Still smiling, Johnny slammed his knife into her throat and watched as her [Health] dropped slowly. "Will you? I wonder, how will you manage that if you're dead?"

At that moment the paralysis ran out and the elf began to thrash about. Drawing another few daggers from his coat, Johnny simply nailed her arms to the ground before pressing down on the dagger buried in her throat once more. As her [Health] dipped into the yellow, she stopped thrashing and began pleading.

"W-wait! We can talk this over! I surrender! Mercy!" Johnny simply kept staring into her eyes, the smile still plastered on his face. As her health dipped into the red, the elf began to cry, tears running down her face. "I want to live…" she whispered.

A few pixels from running out, Johnny drew his knives out and stood up, leaving the elf with just a sliver of health. "You know," he commented, still smiling, "you seemed almost human there. How wonderful." Sighing contentedly, he fixed his gaze on her once more. "Clothes, if you please."

With trembling hands, the elf slowly kicked her boots off before undoing her belt. With a tug, she began sliding her dress off. As it slipped below her waist, her matching purple and black panties trimmed with lace were revealed. Her face was a delightful mixture of fear and humiliation.

"Pick that up and hand it to me," Johnny ordered. Slowly the elf complied, her breasts jiggling slightly in-spite of the bra she wore as she bent over. Handing her dress to Johnny, she stepped back quickly, crossing her arms over her chest and crotch. He'd render that dress down for mats later Johnny decided. For now… "Underwear too," Johnny chidded the elf.

Sniffling, the elf undid her bra, pulling it off and placing it in Johnny's outstretched hand. Hooking her fingers into her panties, she slowly pulled them down and handed them over as well, crossing her arms over her breasts and crotch.

Tossing the lacy things into his inventory, Johnny pulled out a flask with a red liquid in it. "Arms behind your back."

The elf complied, eyes tearing up. Drawing some rope from his inventory, Johnny quickly applied the [Bound] effect to the elf, binding her arms behind her body. Unable to cover up, the elf twisted about uncomfortably.

Johnny tipped the flask into the elf's mouth, her [Health] increasing as she drank it. Finally Johnny stepped back and admired his handiwork. "Run along now, 'kay?"

The elf looked like she wanted to say something, and Johnny frowned. "Ask for your clothes back and I'll tie your legs too." Gulping, the blushing and teary elf turned and dashed away into the forest leaving Johnny alone once more.

"Well that was a fun distraction," Johnny said to no one in particular. "Now, to get down to business. What was it again? [Activate Instance Invasion]?"

In a flash a list appeared in front of Johnny and grinned. After all, this was why he had chosen the path of [We Who Hunt Elves]. Because it was the only path that allowed you to invade the instances of other players who were playing out the Elf Wars campaign. Generally speaking, the Elf Wars campaign was instance based for any quest that would advance the plot with players not partied unable to interfere with, or even see, those outside of their party. Unless of course, one chose to embark upon the path of [We Who Hunt Elves].

As a PvP aficionado, there was no way Johnny could have passed up the chance to invade others. Seriously, that was the best part of the Souls games, and why DS2 was his favourite. Best PvP after all.

And so, it was time… for invasions! And, as expected, there was a familiar name. Payton and Koharu. He'd gotten an eyeful of Koharu's panties in the first boss fight, but he had yet to see anything more from either of them. He'd seen them at the end of the second floor boss fight a few days ago, but their paths hadn't crossed much. Time to remedy that.

Equipping his cloak to hide his identity, Johnny pressed the invade button. A shower of light surrounded him, and suddenly he was standing on a tree branch above the clearing. The boy watched as Payton and Koharu struggled against the Dark Elf—Who was male this time, while the Wood Elf was female—though it was a losing fight. Eventually, the Wood Elf prepared to do her suicide attack. That was when Johnny struck, plummeting from the branch and burying his dagger in the back of the Dark Elf.

The Dark Elf stumbled. With a good portion of his [Health] gone from Payton and Koharu's efforts, Johnny's drop-attack shredded most of the last part of his dwindling [Health]. With a grunt of pain, the Dark Elf turned, found Johnny, and fixed him with a hateful glare.

"Elf killer!" the NPC spat. It seems that Elf-type NPCs could recognize the path Johnny had chosen. Expected, really.

That said, Johnny had no real interest in hearing the NPC prattle on or whatever, so he plunged his dagger into the Dark Elf's heart. [Critical Strike] appeared on his HUD and Johnny shoved the Dark Elf sideways, the NPC shattering into polygons before he hit the ground.

Spinning his dagger around, Johnny looked up at the three assembled girls—Payton, Koharu, and the Wood Elf NPC— and bowed, Johnny smiled, his mouth the only part of his face visible. "Greetings and salutations!"

"Elf killer," the Wood Elf girl hissed, glancing at him warily. Johnny frowned.

Johnny rolled his eyes and frowned. "Heard that one. How about a bit of variety? Or is this Skyrim I'm playing? Have I committed crimes against Skyrim and its people?"

"Ooh, classic!" Payton applauded, while Koharu just looked a bit confused. She had said she was fairly new to this whole gaming thing… though Johnny probably shouldn't bring that up. It wouldn't do to reveal that he knew who they were and chance them figuring out who he was. Even if Diavel and Asuna and Kirito and Argo already knew.

"I aim to please," Johnny quipped.

Nodding, Payton raised one hand to her chin. "Say, how'd you get here anyways? I thought these were supposed to be instanced or something."

"It's a game mechanic, though not one that many people are going to make use of I suspect, considering it's a PvP one," Johnny explained. There wasn't really any reason to hide it after all.

"Huh. Well, I suppose there's always some people who like the PvP," Payton said.

"Of course, of course. Though," Johnny paused. "You don't seem too surprised that I basically admitted that I'm here for PvP."

Still smiling, Payton waved her hand back and forth. "Yeah? I mean, I guess I had already figured that out. You're that hooded player who's been going around stripping female players, right? The dagger gave it away. Not too many players using daggers, much less going around and PvPing with one. You'd be the only one, I think."

"Well, you've got me there," Johnny admitted. "I'm here to strip you and steal all your stuff."

Payton chuckled. "Well, you can try. By the way, mind if we wait until this here Wood Elf is working again? I think you broke her." True enough, lines of code were shifting across the elf's eyes, much like with the Dark Elf before.

Frowning, Johnny shook his head. "Eh… I think she's just rebooting her programing. That said, I'd rather not wait. Two on one is hard enough, let's not make it two on three."

"Shame," Payton sighed. "I had wanted more time to set up the ambush after all."

Finely tuned reactions were the only thing that saved Johnny, the sharp whistle of a swinging blade causing him to throw himself to the side. Koharu's greatsword sliced through the space where he had been standing, bleeding light that signified a [Sword Skill].

Rolling and stumbling to his feet, Johnny was quickly put on the defensive as Payton unleashed a flurry of blows, her longsword dancing in the darkened forest light. "Got me good," Johnny quipped, parrying an overhead strike before ducking under the follow-up. "Really distracted me with all the talking. My fault for dismissing your friend as useless."

"To be fair, she's new to the game. Still, new doesn't mean stupid. Neither does being a girl or being young." As if to reinforce her words, Koharu's blade joined Payton's in the onslaught, almost shattering Johnny's guard in a single strike.

Slipping between the two and slashing Payton across the leg with [Ankle Bitter], a Dagger-type Sword Skill that applied [Crippled] to the target, Johnny made space, Koharu pausing to make sure Payton was alright.

"You're right, of course. Habit. No offense meant. Though I'd say that being young isn't really a strike against her. Most of the best e-sports players are younger rather than older," Johnny mused.

Payton sipped a [Lesser Healing Potion] to rid herself of the [Crippled] debuff, cringing at the horrid taste, and raised her sword once more. "You say that, but the amount of salty 'veteran' gamers in this game is… actually surprisingly low, but still noticeable. Still, ready for round two?"

Johnny smirked. "Well… I am. Not so sure about you."

"What are you…" A pair of throwing knives interrupted Payton, forcing the red-headed girl to bring her sword up to defend. "...talking…" as she spoke, her sword shattered in her hands, falling to the ground in a shower of polygons. "...ah. Shit."

"The interesting thing about [Corruption]," Johnny explained, talking a step forward while Payton and Koharu each took a nervous step back, "is that it's not a set of sword skills. It's [Passive]. So each time I deflect one of your strikes, I'm eating away at your weapons. Every time I knick you, your armour is getting shredded. I'm an [Agility] build, did you not think it was strange that I wasn't dodging everything?"

A sword materialized in Payton's hand as the red-head took a deep breath and centered herself. "Yeah? Well I've got more than one weapon!"

"No you don't," Johnny countered. "Well, not anymore at least. That sword is your last one."

Payton's confident expression wavered slightly. "Y-you can't possible know whether that's true," she said, seemingly just as much for her own sake as for Johnny's.

Tilting his head, Johnny shrugged. "Maybe not. But you got my Skyrim reference. And everybody knows that there are two kinds of people who play Skyrim. Kleptomaniacs who hoard everything under the Sun, or people who sell everything in their inventory except the essentials. Either way, you either have some trash-mob drop sword, or no sword. Same thing either way."

"Erk…" Payton grimaced. It seemed that Johnny's aim was right on the mark. "Well be that as it may, all that means is that I need to make sure I hit you!"

"Uh huh…" With a burst of speed, Johnny crossed the distance between them, a single strike from his dagger enough to shatter the sword that Payton held. It seemed that she hadn't repaired it or upgraded it since acquiring it. "You remember that I said I'm an [Agility] build, right? How exactly do you plan on hitting me?"

Whatever response Johnny had expected, it wasn't for Payton to lunge forward, wrapping her arms around him in a bear hug and smothering his face in her modest breasts. "If you're an [Agility] build, then I'll just use my [Strength]!" she declared. "Koharu! Hit him!"

The brown-haired girl stepped close, raising her greatsword. Close enough for Johnny to lash out with a kick. Of course, kicks and punches wouldn't actually do much damage… unless one happened to possess a certain skill.

"Martial Arts: Dwit Chagi," Johnny shouted, lashing backwards with his right leg. The back kick caught Koharu between the legs, the girl crumpling to her knees with a whimper of pain. Clearly she hadn't expected that.

"Koharu!" Payton's moment of distraction was enough for Johnny to pull one of his arms free of her hold. Swiping upwards, he bisected one of her arms at the elbow. With a cry of pain, the older girl released him, stumbling backwards. Well, if she wanted to get back, might as well help.

Stepping forwards and chambering his leg, he launched another [Martial Arts] skill. "Martial Arts: Dollyeo Chagi!" His leg snapped out in a vicious system-assisted roundhouse kick, catching Payton in the side of the head and sending her sprawling. Turning back to the still recovering Koharu, Johnny chucked half a dozen [Poisoned Throwing Knives] into her chest. Most of them were [Paralysis], but one of them was a little bit more deadly, as evidenced by the fact that Koharu's [Health] slowly began to drop. The [Health] loss was almost nothing, maybe one percent of her [Health] a second. Normally that could be shrugged off.

Of course, normally one wasn't fresh off of getting their ass beat by a hostile NPC and a player, and thus already had a dwindling amount of [Health]. Payton staggered to her feet in time to see her friend's [Health] drop into the red. The red-haired girl made to lunge towards Johnny, but froze when he held up a delicate crystal bottle.

"Hey now, no sudden movements. Otherwise I drop this [Antidote], it breaks, and your friend expires," Johnny threatened.

That brought Payton up short. It was at this moment that the Wood Elf, who had thus far remained stationary, came back to life.

"Thou would threaten the safety and wellbeing of mine saviours?" the Wood Elf cried angrily. "Doth thine sinful nature know no bounds?"

"Yeah! What she said!" Payton added, before glancing darkly at the once more active NPC. "Also, real nice of you to finally join us. Couldn't have stopped glitching before he poisoned my friend or anything." With a sigh of resignation, Payton looked at Johnny. "Dammit, you win. What do you want? Me to strip naked? Give you all my stuff in exchange for my friend's life?"

Johnny considered that quietly. He could tell that each second he delayed his answer, Payton got angrier and angrier, as Koharu's [Health] slowly ticked down. Finally, just as she was about to burst, Johnny gave his answer.

"Yeah, pretty much. I'll take everything you've got, the Wood Elf as a slave, and your real name."

"Seriously?" Payton stared at him incredulously. "I mean, even demanding I strip would be pushing it, but…everything? And my real name? You don't even know my player name for God's sake. And can I even give you the elf as a slave? Is that a thing?"

Shrugging, Johnny brought up his HUD and tapped a few buttons. "Well it seems that she's partied with you, so you could probably just swap her into my party. Something like that anyways."

The Wood Elf looked at him, a conflicted gaze on her face before she finally bowed her head towards Payton. "Thou saved me, thus mine life is yours to dictate, in accordance with our ways. I shan't mind overly much should thou choose to accept this vile man's terms."

With a grimace, Payton glanced towards Johnny. "Will you leave Koharu alone if I agree?"

"Nope," Johnny answered, smirking unkindly. "Time's-a-ticking. Make your choice." True to his words, Koharu's [Health] slowly dipped lower and lower by the second.

The red-headed older teen considered his offer, fists clenched. Finally she wilted, the fire leaving her. "Okay. Okay, God dammit! But… Can you… can you at least leave us our underwear? Naked is just… well, it's a bit… only, I've never…" The last part came out in pleading stutters, mixed with an angry but also pleading gaze.

Johnny looked at Payton's slightly teary eyes. His lips curled into a smile. Now this… this was a feeling like no other. The distress, the shame, the humiliation, the anger. A delicious cocktail of humanity, all his to drink in. Fine, he supposed that he could let her have this small mercy. After all… "There's something to be said for not ruining the suspense all at once. To not know, and simply imagine what lies beneath… Deal. You and Koharu can keep one pair of underwear each, the rest of the offer stands as is."

"Y-yeah, yeah, got it, thanks." Payton exhaled in relief, having been waiting with baited breath. "Okay, okay. My name is Taylor Dallon. Can you give Koharu the [Antidote] now?"

Crossing the distance between them in a few swift steps, Johnny pressed the crystalline bottle to Taylor's lips. "Why don't you give it to her yourself?"

Interestingly enough that, more than anything else, brought a blush to Taylor's face at what he was implying, as the cool liquid flowed into her mouth. Still, the red-head dashed over to her friend and after a moment's hesitation pressed her lips to Koharu's, letting the [Antidote] flow from her mouth to Koharu's. Taylor quickly pulled back, face dusted with a light red. For her part, Koharu groaned and rolled onto her side, coughing, the [Antidote] having cleared her of both the [Poison] and the [Paralysis].

"You didn't have to agree to that," Koharu whispered faintly. "Though it is a nice name. Taylor. American?" Taylor nodded, before she rolled her eyes and pulled Koharu into a hug.

"Yeah. Learned Japanese in high school. I mean, I'm clearly not native. And hey, I'm not going to let you die just because I'm scared of a little embarrassment. Hell, I don't mind so much. Underwear is basically a swimsuit, right?" Though she talked tough, Johnny didn't think that she was fooling him or Koharu with her false bravado. Still, the brunette just smiled kindly, before pulling herself to her feet, Taylor helping her up.

As she swayed dizzily, the low level [Antidote] having not yet cured all the after-affects of Johnny's [Poison Throwing Knives], Koharu tugged at the skirt of her [Scale Armour], blushing shyly. "S-so, should we just… you know… undress?" She questioned softly, face red and eyes downturned.

"Hell no! I'm not giving you this asshole a strip-show! Just use your menu, Koharu," Taylor said, blushing.

Koharu glanced at Johnny in askence. Johnny shrugged. "Well, I hadn't specified one way or the other." Pausing for a second, he continued. "Still, if you were to put on a show, you may find yourself not completely broke when we part ways."

Freezing halfway to hitting the Unequip button, Taylor turned her gaze slowly to meet Johnny's. "How much are we talking here?"

Considering that, Johnny raised five fingers. "50%?"

"So what you're saying…" Taylor swallowed in apprehension. "Is that if we put on a show for you, you'll let us walk out of here with at least some of our money?"

"Yup. On the one hand, I suppose it would be less embarrassing to just unequip all your stuff. On the other, think of the grinding! Though I suppose I'd have to add on one thing."

This time Koharu spoke up timidly. "What would that be?" The brunette asked.

"You'd have to promise not to buy any clothes anywhere save for the [Town of Beginnings]. Weapons, supplies, all that stuff? Feel free to purchase them anywhere. Clothes? Armour? Nope, you're walking from here to there in just your underwear."

Frowning, Taylor shook her head. "No way! Even without money, I could just ask a friend to bring us some clothes and we wouldn't have to do a day long walk of shame!"

"You could," Johnny allowed. "But will your friends be able to replace the [Col] that you won't have? From what my information broker has told me, you two have quite the amount. It's why I targeted you after all."

Glancing at her menu, most likely at the amount of [Col] she possessed, Taylor winced slightly at his words. Alternating glances between Johnny and her HUD, the redhead finally gave in.

Rather than speak, she elected to slowly undo the straps of her [Scale Mail Chestpiece]. Shrugging the shirt of interlocking plates free, she stood in only her under-tunic—more or less a t-shirt—and [Scale Greeves]. With shaking fingers, she slowly undid her belt and let the heavy armour thump to the dirty forest floor.

Moving quickly, as if that would make it any less humiliating, Taylor quickly pulled her shirt over her head, revealing her fancy red bra and matching bikini panties. Both were patterned with some sort of ornate design that wouldn't look out of place in the house of a member of the Napoleonic era nobility.

The older teen squirmed under Johnny's appreciating gaze, uncomfortable with being so unclothed. "Fancy," Johnny commented, before turning and waving towards Koharu jauntily. "Your turn~!"

Rather than shed her upper armour first as Taylor did, Koharu chose instead to remove the belt that held her [Scale Mail Skirt] up, letting the armour slide into a pool at her feet. A hint of her green panties was visible, peeking out beneath her [Scale Mail Chestpiece] and under-tunic. In short order, the forest-green side-tie panties were visible in their entirety as Koharu stripped herself of her chestpiece as well, her under-tunic coming down only to just above her navel—compared to Taylor's much longer under-tunic which had descended to hang loosely below her waist. With only a hint of hesitation, Koharu's under-tunic too was removed, revealing a pair of sizable breasts held snugly within a simple blue cotton bra.

With the two standing before him almost naked, Johnny compared them, eyes darting from one blushing girl to the other. Taylor was a slight bit shorter than Koharu—surprising considering her race—and less developed, her breasts slightly below average in size. Koharu on the other hand was slightly taller than the average Japanese woman with a much larger rack.

But the biggest difference was in the way they held themselves. While Koharu blushed and crossed her arms over her undergarments defensively, Taylor stood firm. Okay, not firm, but the red-headed girl still met Johnny's stare with a gaze of defiance, if admittedly defiance tinged with embarrassment. Her hands did not seek to shelter herself from his wandering gaze, but rather opened and the clenched, fixed determinedly to her side.

"Thank you for the show," Johnny said, smiling cheekily at them. "Now, your items and half your [Col], if you please."

Soon enough Johnny was quite a bit richer in both items and [Col]. Which was nice, considering information from Argo was expensive.

"Argo, huh? Is she the one who told you we'd be here?" Taylor's words shook Johnny from his thoughts. He hadn't meant to say that out loud, but…

"Cat's out of the bag, huh? Yes, Argo is my information broker of choice. She told me that you were quite rich, how to gain the ability to invade people, and about the skill that allows me to cut apart your weapons and armour so nicely. Truely, she's willing to do so much just for money." That was in part a lie. Argo had told him how to invade people, where to find Peyton—Taylor he supposed—and Koharu, and that they were fairly rich. She hadn't told him about the [Corruption] skill, and of course had no idea what Johnny had planned to do with the information. Still, judging by Taylor's slowly widening grin, the Rat was going to soon enough have a customer who wasn't particularly happy with her, and probably wasn't going to hear out her excuses.

Flipping off Johnny, Taylor turned to leave. "If you don't mind then, I've got someone to talk to."

Waving at her, Johnny chuckled. "Go ahead. Though I should mention that Argo isn't a friend, just an acquaintance. If one I… somewhat enjoy being around. Still, taking your anger out on her won't bother me overly much."

Taylor glanced over her shoulder and smirked at him. "True, but I don't need to take out my anger on you. I've got some friends for that." Taylor tapped a button and Johnny got a notification that Seray, a [Wood Elf], had been added to his party. This completed the instance, and in a shower of polygons Johnny, Taylor, and Koharu dropped back into the real-Sword Art Online. Johnny gulped as found the cold steel of a rapier, a longsword, and a curved sword press against his throat.

"You know," Taylor continued as she and Koharu walked away, "I could have cancelled the instance earlier. But a deal is a deal and I uphold my deals. Shame you didn't say anything about me letting you walk away scott free. Now, Koharu and I have a very long, and quite embarrassing time ahead of us. I wish you the same."

With that, the two older girls disappeared into the forest mists, back down towards the second floor, leaving Johnny alone with an angry Asuna, an exasperated Kirito, and a familiar looking scruffy man.

"Hey, JB. How's it going," Kirito greeted him.

"Uh… I did nothing wrong?" Johnny tried.

Apparently Asuna didn't like that answer, as her rapier pressed into his throat, eliciting a pained whimper from the boy. "Then why," she growled, "did Payton and Koharu just walk away, in their underwear, I should mention, from an instance that you just so happened to be in?"

"Wait, wait, time out," the scruffy man interjected. "You know this guy?"

Johnny shook his head quickly. "Nope, never met any of you before. I'm not this JB you're talking about, no way."

"You're not fooling anyone," Kirito said, rolling his eyes. "Lose the hood JB, and let's talk face to face."

Johnny slowly pulled the hood of his cloak down and smiled sheepishly at his captors. "So… what brings you to this neck of the woods?"

"Well," Asuna said, "we got a message from Payton that she was being attacked, so we came at once and waited until the instance finished. Imagine our surprise when you popped out with them."

"Okay, time out again!" The scruffy man lowered his sword. "Seriously, do you know him?"

Kirito nodded. "Johnny Black. I call him JB. He's an old friend. Met up with him in SAO again by chance. Fourteen years old, European, I think? Partly anyways. A troublemaker with a newfound penchant for stripping girls. I'll admit, I prefer it when all you did was trash-talk people, JB."

"So. You know he's been going around stripping women, something I had to stop him doing only a few months after the game started, and yet you haven't, I don't know, reported him?"

"To what?" Asuna griped angrily. "There's no one to report him to. And beyond that, he's good. Annoyingly good, and extremely helpful in boss fights. So if we out him, then we lose a highly competent player."

The scruffy man frowned. "I mean… I still don't like it. Why don't you make him to stop doing it?"

Kirito sighed. "I mean, I've tried. It doesn't work. You can lecture him all you want, he doesn't listen. Doesn't care."

Asuna nodded in agreement. The scruffy man blinked in confusion. "Lecture him? Why would that ever work? He's fourteen, lectures just make fourteen years olds do the opposite. No, I meant spank him or something."

"Huh?" The three younger teens glanced at him in surprise. The scruffy man shrugged.

"Well it's what my aunt would do whenever she caught me smoking or whatnot," he justified.

Johnny glanced at Asuna, who was nodding in agreement. "H-hey now! That's not needed, okay? Kirito-kun! You wouldn't do that, right?" Johnny's heart sunk at Kirito's contemplative look. "W-wait! If you do this, I won't help in the next boss fight!"

Asuna fixed Johnny with an unamused look. "Johnny, I tolerate you running around and harrassing people only because you do help in boss fights. If you were to decide to skip out on a boss fight, I would no longer have a reason to tolerate you." The girl shook her rapier threateningly. "We wouldn't like that, would we?"

Shit. Er… "If you spank me, I'll do the same twice over to Seray!" Johnny tried. The three looked confused, before the wood elf stepped forwards.

"If master wishes such, then so it shall be," the elf said, bowing her head, before glancing at the three who held Johnny captive. "However, thou threatened mine saviours, oh master mine. So, to yon three friends of mine saviours, I bid thee free to do as thou wish to mine now master. So shall I bear his own wrath, and gladly, should it mean some small measure of wrath upon him for his transgressions."

Kirito considered the NPC. "Are you sure?" The elf nodded amiably.

"I, as with mine now master am young. But while pain upon me shall be forgotten as mine centuries pass, mayhaps pain upon him shall enlighten him to a less vile path. The memory of an elf is fleeting, as our lives are measured in great lengths. The memory of a human is measured in great lengths, as thine lives are fleeting."

Nodding respectfully towards the elf, Kirito grabbed Johnny by the scruff of his neck, easily manhandling the smaller, lighter, and most importantly, weaker—by virtue of a lower [Strength] score—boy across his lap. "You heard her, JB. This is for your own good."

Johnny gulped nervously and screwed his eyes closed. This… this was going to hurt. He really should have levelled [Constitution]. And maybe not turned on the [Pain Link] setting.

"Ow!" he yelped as Kirito's hand descended, his own [Health] dipping a good 10 or so points. "I really think this isn't…ouch!"

"It's for your own good, JB," Kirito reprimanded. "Now, shut up and take it."

Another spank caused Johnny to whimper slightly. "But it's embarrassing!"

This time, instead of Kirito's hand descending on his butt, it was the steel blade of Asuna's rapier. Johnny winced as the strike took off maybe 50 or so [Health]. "Johnny, you're the one who's going around embarrassing random players! So if you don't shut up, I'm going to drag you back to the [Town of Beginnings] and spank you there! " the girl said, glaring at him.

Johnny gulped fearfully and shook his head. "O-on second thought, this is fine!"

Taking that as his cue to continue spanking the younger boy, Kirito began to tan Johnny's backside with great vigor.

* * *

They finally let Johnny go, but only after he started to cry and Kirito and the scruffy man couldn't bear his pleading, teary-eyed gaze any longer. Asuna wasn't fully convinced that he was being sincere, but she acquiesced to the wishes of the two males. Stomping off and muttering something about soft-hearted men, she dragged the scruffy man with her, leaving Johnny and Kirito alone.

"JB." Johnny was still lying across the slightly older boy's lap, and so turned to look up at Kirito. "I won't say stop doing what you've been doing because I know you won't stop. But I'll say this. Never, and I do mean never, threaten someone's life while you're doing it." Noticing Johnny open his mouth, Kirito glared at him. "No, I'm speaking. Do you know what the message we got from Payton was? 'Being attacked, help.' Reasonable. But not too much later I, personally, got a second message. It said that Koharu had gotten poisoned and that their attacker was threatening to kill her, or at least let her die. Did you do that?"

Johnny swallowed apprehensively, nodding slightly.

Kirito fixed the boy with a look. It wasn't an angry look. Just one full of disappointment. And that stung all the more. "Understand that, even though I'm your friend… no, because I'm your friend, if you ever pull something like that again, I will personally hunt you down and throw you into the [Black Iron Prison]. And then I will leave you there and never come back. And you will live out the rest of this game, alone, in a dark hole."

If Asuna hadn't been convinced that Johnny's tears were real, even she would have admitted that they were now, as the younger boy began sobbing. With a sigh, Kirito pulled Johnny off of his lap and wrapped the boy in a hug. "I trust we won't have to have this conversation again?"

Trembling, Johnny nodded as he sniffled into Kirito's coat. "I-I-I'll stick to just stripping people then, right?" the younger boy smiled slightly at Kirito through teary eyes. "For now, I'll just head home."

Kirito ruffled Johnny's hair, wiping away the younger boy's tears with his sleeve. "Yeah, you do that. Seriously, you're a good kid, JB. Okay, maybe not a good kid, but you're not a bad one. At least that's what I think. Don't disappoint me, okay?"

Johnny nodded swiftly. "I won't, I won't!" he promised.

"Good." Kirito stood up and began to walk away. "Oh, right. One more thing. If I do catch you doing… well, what you've been doing, I will punish you. This time, I let you keep your armour on. Next time, maybe not."

Realising what Kirito was implying, Johnny both paled and blushed at the same time. "That… Well, when you say catch me…"

"Catch you in the act or on the scene," Kirito clarified. "If I just hear about it, that doesn't count, that would be cheating."

"That seems fair," Johnny agreed slowly, before grinning. "So if I told you that I stole Asuna's panties just a bit ago, you wouldn't punish me?"

Kirito blinked in shock, then facepalmed. "JB!"

"Whaaaat?" The boy pulled a pair of light green and white panties patterned with a delicate design that was reminiscent of a wasp's wings. "I've got the [Pickpocket] skill now! How can I not?"

Rolling his eyes—though clearly amused, judging by his upturned lips—Kirito held out a hand. "Give. I'll give those back."

Johnny did so cheerily, most of the traces of his tears gone. "By the way, tell her that green doesn't really fit her, and that Koharu already wears green so she's being a copycat."

"I like living, thank you very much, JB." Kirito said, shaking his head, before smirking. "But I will be sure to tell her that you said that."

"H-hey, that's not what I meant!" Johnny yelped. "Don't you dare… Kirito? Where'd you go? Hey! Listen to me! Don't…" Sighing, Johnny turned towards Seray. "Let's go, before Asuna decides I haven't been punished enough."

The Wood elf nodded. "As ye wish, master mine. Though, 'tis no more than what thou doth deserve."

Johnny fixed with a look. "Well just you wait, you're going to get what you deserve soon enough."

Wincing, the elf looked away. "Ah. I shall admit, I had hoped that thou had forgotten that."

"Not a chance~," Johnny sang. "So let's hurry back home and begin."

Together boy and NPC headed back to Johnny's rented house on the second floor, on in much greater spirits that the other.

* * *

 **The Punishment of Seray (Dialogue only)**

"Strip."

"S-strip? Thou surely art joking, master mine!"

"Nope!"

"But… but… thou was not spanked bare bottom!"

"That is correct. But! I also don't talk like I'm out of some broken Shakespearean novel! So this is your added punishment for that!"

"A-ah… I'm sorry master! I'll talk normally! S-so, please!"

"Seriously? Is the whole talk like you're from ye olde England thing just a bit?"

"W-well, it's what is taught to us by Cardinal, but we don't have to talk like that strictly speaking?"

"Damn. Every time I hear about this Cardinal system, it seems more and more advanced."

"Yes, of course! The God of Aincrad, Cardinal, is truly great! She…"

"Seray? I don't care. Strip. But, as a small measure of mercy, you can keep your panties."

"Thank you master!"

"By the way, cute panties. Spider silk?"

"O-oh, yes. I wove them myself. They are quite comfy."

"A bit revealing, don't you think?"

"W-well! It's not as if I expected anyone to, you know, see them…"

"Trust me, I can see them. Quite well in fact."

"...Can you just get it over with?"

"Demanding, aren't you? But I suppose you've got a point. Bend over."

"...Ah! T-that hurt! Master, please, don't use Martial Arts techniques! I'll accept you spanking me normally, but that's just cruel!"

"Oh? Remind me, who is the master here?"

"Y-you…"

"Right. So I don't want to hear another word out of you, got it?"

"..."

"Good. Now, that's one. Only 99 left to go."

When Sarey's punishment finally finished, she was left whimpering on the couch, clad only in her panties with a collar around her neck, her butt on fire. She had asked for clothes. Johnny had asked if she'd rather sleep outside tied to a post and fully naked. She had acquiesced to her state of undress. What a cruel master she had.

* * *

 **The Punishment of Argo**

Argo stepped into the room that Payton and Koharu, two acquaintances of hers and friends of Ki-bou, were renting.

"So, what's up, sa?" the petite information broker asked. They had messaged her, and she had been in the area, so…

"Had a run in with a friend of yours today," Payton said.

Argo blinked. "Who?"

"Oh, he wore a cloak. Used a dagger. Made me and Koharu strip to our underwear and walk back to the [Town of Beginnings]. Sound familiar?"

The information broker flinched slightly. Dammit Jay-chan! Payton noticed Argo's discomfort. "So, you do know him. Well then, miss information broker, I'd like to inform you of something. Using information he bought from you, he stole quite a lot of money from us."

As she heard the lock on the door click behind her, Argo decided that coming here had been a bad idea. "Well… I can neither confirm nor deny that, sa."

"You don't need to. I already know it was you," Payton declared. Argo shuffled back, though there was no escape for her.

"I-I had nothing to do with him attacking you!" she yelped desperately.

Payton nodded. "I know. You're not that kind of person." Argo sighed in relief, before wincing as Payton pressed a sword into the shorter girl's chest. "Still, I'm quite angry."

"I won't replace the [Col] he stole." Argo stepped back, but Payton just stepped forwards.

The red-headed girl just shook her head. "And I wouldn't expect you to. No, it's not the [Col] I'm angry about. It's that he attacked Koharu. Poisoned her. Threatened to let her die. That, I don't like."

Argo froze. Now that… that was a bit beyond what she was willing to accept responsibility. "Ah. Well. Yanno… I reckon I should make it up ta ya, sa." After this she was going to have a 'talk' with Jay-chan.

Payton's smile wasn't particularly nice. "Give me a [Recording Crystal], then strip naked and perform dogeza while apologizing."

"I don't guess I've got much of a choice, eh?" Argo mumbled. The press of steel against her chest was her answer. "'Kay then, miss, you've got a deal, so long's you don't go showin' the recordin' ta anyone save yer friend, sa."

"Acceptable," Payton agreed. Slowly, as to not provoke her, Argo tossed the slightly older girl a [Recording Crystal]. Navigating her menu, she un-equipped her clothes, standing awkwardly in her underwear—straw coloured yellow bikini panties and a white spider-silk bra. "So, ya really gonna make me strip all the way, sa?" Argo questioned.

With a sigh, Payton lowered her sword. "I'll give you a choice. Keep the underwear but then do the same run back to the [Town of Beginnings] that we did, or strip naked but get a cloak back afterwards."

 **Keep Underwear**

"I think I'd be wantin' ta keep my modesty ta a degree," Argo decided. Payton shrugged, slowly running her sword down Argo's body, tracing a line across the top of her bra, and pulling the right-most cups down, revealing her perky breast and nipple to the world. The blade continued down her midriff to her navel, before sliding one side of her yellow panties down a bit, only barely leaving the information broker's womanhood covered. The girl shivered at the touch of steel, sighing in relief when the sword was retracted, though she didn't dare fix her undergarments.

"Well, you're ready. Get bowing then, Rat."

Swallowing her pride, Argo lowered herself to her knees and bowed forwards, pressing her forehead to the cool wood floor. "Sorry fer the trouble my acquaintance caused fer you an' yer friend, sa."

She yelped as the other girl grabbed her by the seat of her panties and carried her over to the door, before chucking her outside. As the petite girl groaned and rubbed her head and tugged at her panties which had wedged themselves up a bit during her short trip, she glanced towards Payton. "No 'ard feelings, ta?" Because God, if Payton was still mad at her, then she had some of the best blackmail material possible. The information broker shivered at the thought.

"Not anymore," Payton agreed. "Though, do tell your cloaked asshole that if he tries that again, I'll gut him. And if he tries it with your info… well, we'll have a conversation much like this one. Only you probably won't be walking away with much of anything, much less your modesty, Rat."

Argo sighed. "I don't doubt it," she muttered as she began her long trek, wishing she had levelled [Stealth] more than she had.

 **Strip Naked**

Deciding to bite the bullet, Argo undid the clasp of her bra and let it slide off her chest, revealing her small, but perky, mounds. Her panties followed suit, as Argo bent over to slide the yellow garment down her slender legs. Rather than straighten up and give Payton a record of some information that Argo distinctly did not want to be known, the information broker dropped to her knees and pressed against the floor, low enough for her nipples to dance across the cool wooden surface.

"I'd like ta extend my 'pologies ta ya fer the actions of one o' my acquaintances," Argo declared firmly, glad her face was pressed down so that no one could see her blush.

The petite girl yelped as Payton grabbed her by her short hair and dragged her to the door, chucking her outside. Argo fell on her back, dazed, but quickly scrambled to cover herself—though she was fairly sure the [Recording Crystal] got a good look at her shaved crotch while she was a bit out of it.

"Cloak, sa?" she asked, a little bit more pleadingly that she would have liked. A ragged cloak was chucked onto her body, and she quickly wrapped herself in it. "No 'ard feelings, sa?" Argo asked. Because God, if Payton was still mad at her, then she had some of the best blackmail material possible. The information broker shivered at the thought.

"Not anymore," Payton agreed. "Though, do tell your cloaked asshole that if he tries that again, I'll gut him. And if he tries it with your info… well, we'll have a conversation much like this one. Only you probably won't be walking away with much of anything, much less your modesty, Rat."

The threat was apparent. Argo nodded furiously and left with all haste.

* * *

So. Been a while. On a 'totally' unrelated note, Dota 2 Auto-chess is very fun. And on that same unrelated note, I have added about 1000 hours of playtime since the start of Winter. Yeah… totally unrelated to why this chapter is so late… er. Yup. Anyways, I've deleted Dota because it makes me toxic, and I've decided to try and focus on writing once more. So, a return to form. Two or three chapters a week of at least something, updates on Monday and Friday, with an update every other Wednesday. (Though not of exclusively this story. Probably some Summer Rose Extended and some Things Not to Do To Avoid Being Lewded in the Nasuverse. Who knows?)

On an actually unrelated note, I've just noticed something. In the first chapter I called it [Corrosion]. Since then, I've been calling it [Corruption]. Oops. That said, it will remain [Corruption], but yeah.

Another note. You know how I said that Johnny is 160 cm? Scratch that, he's 150 cm. I like shotas, I guess? I'll retcon that in a bit.

And I should mention. NPC's. Yeah, they have quite a bit more personality. Blame Johnny for that honestly. He forced the Cardinal System to give them more humanity by insisting on interacting with them as if they were human. To allow that, the Cardinal System… well, it's a whole thing. Suffice to say, Kayaba is highly confused. It seems he truly is a genius, to have created an AI that could easily pass the Turing Test. And by accident no less! While drunk, and dreaming of mole people. What a guy.

Also, it is at this point that I should mention that this story is going to have some Johnny/Kirito parts. Johnny/Kirito fluff than anything more, but still. I just like how they interact. If you don't like two guys interacting in a slightly less than straight, but not particularly gay, way, then… I dunno? I just think it's cute. Though, and this is a spoiler, when we get to GGO with Female-Looking-Kirito, the level of Johnny/Kirito will get a bit more prevalent.

That all said, this story is still primarily Johnny/Argo and Asuna/Kirito, but the lines are going to be blurred a bit. I mean, you've got an unstable child with an appreciation for girls on one hand. And on the other hand, a harem protagonist who is more aware than in canon. Romances won't be as set in stone.

Oh, oh, right. This story is also Payton/Koharu, because that's also cute. And gay. So if you don't like Kirito/Johnny fluff, then it should be counteracted by Payton/Koharu fluff. That's how that works, right? I think? Meh. I'm just rambling.

Oh, but I should mention. This is my longest chapter ever. That's why it took so long. The next one is going to be shorter, I think. I don't really know, I don't tend to play. I just ad-lib it.

Right. The excerpts at the end. Those are all canon, though with the Argo one, which ending you think is canon is up to you, though I might officially canonize one eventually. Also, poor Argo. Punished for something outside of her control. What shitty luck.

Hey, this just came to me. It was called [Unarmed Fighting] or something a few chapters ago. It's [Martial Arts] now. Also, the reason it uses Taekwondo? That's just the discipline I'm most familiar with.

Also, I pulled Tamamo in FGO! Which is great for my Arts teams. Chloe is damn beast. Praise second best Welfare unit! (Shiki is best Welfare). Now I just need embers. Save me from Farming Hell!

Sash: I didn't actually do much in this chapter. I've basically been relegated to helping with the plot and helping Morgan write relationships and female characters (though that's an effort in futility.)


	9. Stealth Tactics

A shimmer of steel shattered one of the [Dark Elf Guards] into a burst of polygons. His partner turned, weapon drawn, but was silenced by a knife through her throat. Johnny sighed as she too burst apart. It was a shame that he couldn't play with her, but currently he was on a mission.

"I am conflicted, Master," Seray muttered as the two moved silently past the evaporating bodies of the two elves. "On the one hand, they are Dark Elves, and as such are my enemies. On the other, they are still elves. To see you kill them so carelessly is a bit off-putting."

Johnny shrugged. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm just as willing to kill my fellow humans."

Seray sighed in exasperation. "No, I can't say it does."

She went silent as both player and NPC ducked behind some barrels and let a patrol pass them by. Once they were gone, the pair resumed their stealthy infiltration.

"You know, you're the one who wanted to come here anyways," Johnny reminded the elf a few minutes later, once they were sequestered in a quiet alleyway away from the guards.

"Well, I'm still a Wood Elf. If these Dark Elves insist on attacking us, then I feel it's only right to fight back," Seray justified.

"By sneaking into a Dark Elf town and assassinating the Garrison Commander, thereby throwing local forces into chaos?"

"Mphf?! Mmm!" Johnny glanced down at the [Dark Elf Messenger] that he was strangling. His words seemed to have caused her to struggle even harder. Pointless, of course. If she couldn't break free when he had pulled her into the alley, then there was no chance of it now, as more and more poison flowed into her veins. Finally she went still. Not dead—her [Health] was not yet depleted—but paralyzed for a good long time.

Releasing her, Johnny gestured to Seray. "Change into her clothes." She fixed him with a tired look and Johnny looked at her in confusion, before realizing why she was annoyed. "Oh, right. Yeah, no not because I want you to strip—though I wouldn't complain—but it's actually for stealth purposes. Disguise yourself as her and walk in the front door."

"Hmm. Well, fine. But how will you get inside?" Seray asked.

Johnny pointed to one of the windows of the Town Hall. "You'll unlock it once you're inside and I'll sneak in from there."

"That's…" pausing for a second, Seray considered it. "Not actually a bad idea for once. I suppose we all have hidden depths."

Pouting, Johnny crossed his arms. "Hey, I'll have you know I've played lots of stealth games! And I'm damn good at them too!"

Seray nodded patronizingly. "Yes, of course Master," she drawled.

With a frown, Johnny pointed at the still as of yet unconscious Dark Elf. "Just change into her clothes."

"Would you turn around?" Seray asked.

"Nah." An expected response, though not the one Seray had wanted to hear.

Sighing, the Wood Elf quickly stripped the Dark Elf of her clothes, leaving her in only her undergarments—quite the modest pair of silvery white panties and matching bra. The panties were similar to the ones Seray herself wore, but woven from cotton rather than from spider silk. Glancing at her Master, Seray met his leering gaze and blushed, turning away. Quickly she stripped herself down as well, standing before him in only her spider silk panties. Her breasts were not so large that she needed a bra, something she quite regretted as it would afford her some greater manner of modesty.

"Swap into her underwear as well" Johnny ordered.

"Master! Must I?" Seray whined, groaning aggravatedly.

Johnny smirked. "You should have watched your tongue more."

Bending over and looping her fingers into the waistband of her panties, Seray glanced over her shoulder. "Is this because I said you have bad plans and implied that you're bad at stealth?"

The widening smile on Johnny's face was enough of an answer for the blushing elf.

Red-faced and grumbling, Seray tugged her panties down to her ankles. She was facing away from Johnny so as to not expose herself completely; still, the knife-wielding player was given quite a good view of her toned ass, especially when the NPC bent over to remove the Dark Elf's panties. Seray muttered an apology as she did so. Sure, Dark Elves and Wood Elves were enemies, but still. To treat one's opponent with so little respect was… well, no use dwelling on it.

Once she was done dressing herself, Johnny motioned for her to turn around. She did so, and Johnny nodded firmly. "Well, your skin is a bit lighter than a Dark Elf's, but not by much. And with it being night, you should be able to trick the guards, especially if you keep your head down."

Seray nodded, before nudging the still unconscious Dark Elf, from which they had procured her current outfit. "What should we do with her, Master?"

A perverted grin stretched across Johnny's face. Seray could only offer her condolences to the poor Dark Elf for the humiliation she was going to find herself enduring.

* * *

Nodding once in greeting, Seray stepped past the guards. They glanced at her before noticing the badge that designated her a messenger and waved her on. Security really was lax hereabouts. Then again, it was a small town that was far enough from the border, so that was to be expected.

As planned, Seray slipped into an unoccupied room and unlocked a window, allowing Johnny to slip inside. Together boy and NPC ghosted through the halls until they arrived at the entrance to the Garrison Commander's room. Johnny raised three fingers and Seray nodded in understanding. Two. One.

The door slammed open and the two dashed in. Johnny crossed half the room in an instant, Seray trailing a ways behind him. His daggers met only air as the Garrison Commander dived out of her chair, rolling underneath Johnny's leaping attack. Seray's sword intercepted the Garrison Commander's escape, her blade carving through the Dark Elf's throat. [Silence] inflicted, Johnny's HUD declared.

With her escape route blocked and being temporarily silenced as she was, the Garrison Commander was left with no choice but to unsheathe her rapier, the beautifully crafted weapon dancing in the moonlight that flowed through the windows.

As one, Johnny and his elven companion met the Garrison Commander in a clash of steel. Considered a mini-boss by players, Garrison Commanders were not an easy foe by any stretch. Possessing high [Agility], they were agile and tough to pin down. Combined with their ability to buff other nearby allies, few would choose a fight with a Garrison Commander on the open battlefield.

But trapped within the confines of an all-to-small room, beset on two sides, and bereft of allies, the Garrison Commander didn't last long. Eventually she fell to the ground, Seray's sword through her chest, Johnny's knives in her back.

Sighing, Johnny picked up the rapier the Garrison Commander had dropped. "Shame that I couldn't play with her some more."

Seray sunk to the ground, breathing hard. "Well, sorry we couldn't indulge your perverted desires, Master. But a Garrison Commander is far too tough an opponent to go easy on. Besides, didn't you do enough to that Dark Elf Messanger from before?"

"Ah, but still!" Johnny whined. "Whatever. We're done here."

The creaking stairs caught their attention and both of them glanced towards the door. "Someone's coming," Seray hissed, readying her sword.

"No, wait." Holding up a hand, Johnny considered it. "Here, you take the Garrison Commander's place. We can ambush whoever it is."

Nodding, Seray quickly equipped the [Garrison Commander's Cap], which had dropped along with the [Moonlight Rapier]. It wasn't the full set, but with her seated behind the desk, it should be good enough. Johnny slipped behind the door, and together they waited.

Before long, a brunette and a Dark Elf stepped through the door. Johnny's blinked in surprise, before smirking. Who would have thought that he'd run into such a fortuitous encounter right here?

"Garrison Commander, we're here to report that we've killed the [Spider Queen]," Asuna, for it was Asuna that had stumbled into Johnny's path by chance, announced.

The Dark Elf that was accompanying Asuna paused. "Wait, Miss Asuna, I think something is wro…" Before she could finish her sentence, she slumped forward. Asuna caught the NPC and found a knife in her back. "Shit!" Jumping to her feet, Asuna made to draw her rapier. Seray's sword caught her in the ankle, sending her stumbling to the ground. Half a dozen [Poisoned Throwing Knives] impaled themselves around Asuna, centimeters away. The brunette gulped and froze, still on her hands and knees.

"Hey, Asuna," Johnny greeted cheerfully as he walked into her field of view.

Muttering angrily, Asuna met Johnny's gaze, glaring at the boy. "JB, you!"

Johnny frowned. "Well, you seem quite a bit angrier than I would have expected. Ah, right! Did Kirito ever give back your panties?"

"Yes! And you do not get to critique my choice in underwear!" Asuna shouted.

"Why not?" Johnny asked. "I mean, I've seen enough, right? For instance, you… blue and white seem to fit you quite well. Red as well, I suppose. But green isn't really your colour." Slipping behind the still kneeling girl, Johnny flipped her skirt up, revealing a pair of white cotton panties with black trim. "En, the white is fine, but the black is a bit mature for you."

With an angry yell, Asuna's hand dropped to her rapier's hilt. The cold steel of Johnny's daggers against the back of her neck made her reconsider. "You know, Asuna, I could [Paralyze] you without a problem. The only reason I haven't is because that would be boring. But if you insist on fighting back, I'll have no choice. So tell me, are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way?"

"What does each one entail?" Asuna asked through gritted teeth.

"The easy way involves you and your elf friend in your underwear hanging from that rope." Johnny pointed to a rope afixed with flags that stretched between the room they were in and a nearby building. It was a few stories up, high enough that passing guards would likely not notice them until the morning.

"And the hard way?"

Johnny shrugged. "That one involves you and your elf friend naked, hanging from that rope. It's up to you."

Muttering curses, Asuna released her rapier, letting it rest on the ground. "The easy way," she sighed.

Smiling, Johnny pulled her to her feet. "Nice that you understand the situation. Seray, strip the elf. Asuna, strip yourself."

Practically vibrating in anger, the brunette nonetheless acquiesced, unequipping her clothes and armour in a burst of light that left her in her black and white cotton underwear. In short order the Dark Elf was also rendered into a similar state, clad in a much more riske set of purple lace lingerie. Both girl and elf were made to face each other and ropes were wound around them tightly, pressing into exposed skin. Asuna complained bitterly, as the height difference between the her and her Dark Elf companion was such that Asuna's face pressed directly into the elf's sizable breasts.

Though he could appreciate her complaints, Johnny didn't want to risk allowing the girl or elf to alert any guards patrolling below, so he gagged them. Asuna gagged and fixed hiim with an unpleasent look as she found one of her stockings shoved in her mouth and tied in place with another length of cloth. A second length of cloth blindfolded her, after which her head was forced deep into the Dark Elf's cleavage, silencing her completely. A similar treatment was done for the Dark Elf, who was still unconscious from Johnny's poison.

Then the two, girl and elf, had ropes afixed about their ankles and were suspended upside down from the rope that stretched above the cobblestone street below. The night was barely starting, so it would be quick some time until daybreak. Johnny was fairly sure that Asuna would not have a nice night, dangling upside down, the cold breeze blowing her back and forth, her underwear providing little protection against the elements. She'd probably be quite ornery for some time after this. A recording crystal aimed at Asuna's dangling form was Johnny's final touch, before he and Seray ghosted out of the town, cutting down another pair of guards on their way out.

All-in-all, this was a fairly successful excursion. Johnny had accomplished his goal of throwing the Dark Elves into chaos with the assassination of the Garrison Commander. Tormenting Asuna was just the icing on the cake. Well, might as well go see if he could turn in the [Spider Queen's Fang] for a reward. With his chosen path, he couldn't accept quests from elves. But turning them in might work. Well, it was something to do at least.

* * *

 **Don't Kill the Messenger**

Naeran struggled awake and her AI spun to life. A thousand possibilities for action were considered. Position. {floor:one}{x:51405, y:8123, z:100}. Status: Bound, Gagged, Naked, Enclosed within {object:wooden_barrel}. Emotional_calculation_generator:Query. Body bent at traditionally uncomfortable angle. Head near feet. Ecg:{designate:extreme_discomfort}. Further emotions:{emulating personality type:class_shy; humiliation, sadness, worry}. Attempting Directive: Escape.

Directive: Escape. Straining herself, Naeran attempted to break free of her dark and painful prison, but, bent over as she was, with her torso parallel to her legs and jammed into a cramped barrel, she could gain no purchase.

Ecg:{designate:mild_pain}. As the reality of the situation began to set in, tears of pain began to pool in Naerun's eyes as she thrashed about even more frantically. Ecg:{designate:panic, rising_pain, rising_humiliation, rising_helplessness}. Concluded: No way to escape current entrapment with own strength. Searching for alternative escape.

…

No alternatives found. Query:{cardinal_system} Requests creation of quest:{find_dark_elf_messenger_npc_naerun}

Quest created: dark_elf_messenger_npc_naerun, maintain current position. Set Directive: Wait.

With her new directive, Naerun could do little more than suffer in her prison, tears streaming silently down her face as she twitched in synthesised pain and humiliation. Truely, the Cardinal System was cruel. Eventually she would be rescued, though even that was not the end of her ordeal, as her rescuers left her to sneak back to her house naked after rescuing her, though not after taking a number of pictures, both of her still trapped within the barrel, only her butt sticking out, and more once she was freed.

The most embarrassing for her was the realization once she was freed, of the numerous insults written about her skin, deriding her purity, her appearance, and anything else. It seemed that her attacker had seen fit to use the poor messenger to scrawl some messages of his own. In the end, Naerun stumbled back home and dived into the bathtub as fast as she could. As she emerged, she found a knife at her throat.

"Hey, elfie. Nice to meet you again. There's something I need you to do."

Identify:{attacker:human_player_johnny_black}, tags:{former_attacker, elf_killer, dangerous:lvl_5}, result:obey player directive. Ecg:further_note{fear}.

With a whimper, Naerun collapsed to her knees, tears welling up in her eyes as she clutched desperately to the towel that at least provided her a little bit of modesty. Why her?

 _What does Johnny want with the elf? Who knows? Well, it won't be relevant for a while, so, uit._

* * *

 **Bounty Completed**

Knocking on the door to a small building in the woods near a Dark Elf town, Johnny was greeted by a pretty looking young dark elf woman. Upon spying him, her eyes widened. "E-e-elf killer!" she cried, stumbling away.

Pushing past her, Johnny dropped the [Spider Queen's Fang] onto the foyer floor. Freezing, the elf woman stared at it with wide eyes. "That is…"

"Well, you know, I'm not just an elf killer, I'll have you know," Johnny declared, smiling arrogantly. "Didn't you promise a reward to the person who could avenge your brother by killing the [Spider Queen]?" Though, in reality, Johnny had just stolen the fang from Asuna. Spiders. Not in a thousand years. Still, the NPC didn't know that.

Carefully picking up the fang, the young woman looked it over before nodding. "Y-yes, this is indeed the [Spider Queen's Fang]." She glanced up at Johnny, fidgeting awkwardly. "Well...you did avenge my brother… but… but I cannot in good conscious give you a reward. Y-you're an elf killer, so…"

"And you worry that anything you give me might be used to kill your fellow elves?" Johnny questioned. The young elf nodded uncomfortably. A grin stretched across Johnny's face. "Well what if you strip?"

The young elf woman flushed. "S-strip? That's—!"

"Yeah, strip and kneel before me and thank me for avenging your brother. It wouldn't compromise your ethics in regards to harming your fellow elves, yet it would still be a worthwhile payment for me." Johnny tapped the [Spider Queen's Fang]. "Well? Do you have so little honour that you would offer no reward to the one who avenged your brother? Is he worth so little to you?"

With every word, the young elf woman flinched. By the end, she was trembling, tears welling up in her eyes. "F-fine, fine, fine," she agreed with a whimper. "But at least my underwear…" Johnny shook his head. "M-my p-panties?" Rolled eyes and a thumbs down were her response. "O-okay. I understand," the young elf woman agreed, sorrowfully, twisting her short brown hair about her finger anxiously. Steeling herself, she swallowed her shame and pulled her plain brown dress over her head revealing a lithe body, smallish breasts contained within a white cotton bra and matching white cotton panties with a little yellow bow on the front.

Slowly the bra was unclipped and slipped free, revealing her firm, if less than sizable, mounds. Gulping, the elf pulled her panties down as well, quickly falling to her knees.

"Th-thank y-y-you f-for…" she stuttered, flushed and gazing at the floor.

Johnny groaned. "Eh? That's a really poor thank you. Do it without stuttering and look at me, or it won't count."

Stumbling over the words a few more times, the elf finally took a deep breath, before pressing her forehead and breasts against the cool wood floor of her house in a deep bow. "Thank you for avenging my brother's death, kind sir," she declared firmly, before glancing up at Johnny.

Smiling, Johnny bent over and patted the teary eyed and red-faced girl on the head. "Ah, that's good enough. I'm sure your would be quite proud if he could see you now."

"Hmpf." The elf shivered in pleasure at the hand caressing her head. "W-well, I must say, I would rather my brother not see me right now… still, thank you for your words and deeds. But I must insist that you go now. An elf killer… well, though you seem kind enough, it's still…"

"Understood," Johnny said, rising back to his feet. "Cheers." With that, he swept out of the door, leaving the elf to slowly dress herself once more, cheeks still tinged with a hint of red. Moreso when she realized that her panties had gone missing. Well, she had said that she did not feel right giving him anything… but she supposed she could allow that much. Though it still brought a great amount of heat to her face when she thought of what he could be doing with her panties.

In reality, Johnny was not using her panties for such a purpose as the elf might have expected. Instead, they were placed within a glass display case alongside the countless other pairs he had stolen. Mostly Asuna's, though there were a handful labeled Argo, a few with Diavel's name, and countless others. Seray could only lament at her Master's less than savoury habits. However she dared not complain, as he had commented that she herself might make a good addition to his collection, trapped forever naked behind a glass wall. Being that she did not want that at all, Seray kept her comments to herself.

* * *

So, I came down with an mild case of cancer. What an annoying thing, you know? That's why this chapter has taken so long to write. Dealing with that and all is tiresome, eh? Still, I had surgery a few days ago and am quickly recovering. The cancer should be mostly handled. It was just thyroid cancer, which is like the least dangerous of any cancers. Still, had to get my neck sliced open and all that. Well, whatever. I'm back, and only in a bit of pain. Writing helps to distract, so here we are.

Cheers all and whatnot.


	10. Speedrun

"You know, we really seem to be rushing these past few bosses," Johnny commented as he tramped along behind Kirito, spinning his spear offhandedly. Asuna glared at him, before looking pointedly ahead. The rest of the group glanced over at him. Johnny had been mostly quiet for the Boss Clearing Meeting, mostly just listening to whatever schmuck was in charge of this one, and hiding from Payton and Asuna's angry eyes.

Kirito hummed in agreement. "Well, due to the beta testers, we know where to find the bosses and whatnot. That at least hasn't been changed too much. Fear in the early stages of the game stagnated progress, but now that most of the frontline players have gotten over that, the speed of which we clear is accelerating."

"Ki-bou's correct, sa," Argo chirped. "Tha' said, there's been some changes ta the bosses thus far, ta."

Asuna shrugged, finally joining their conversation. "Even if they change, they're still all so slow. Why not just dodge better?"

Payton, real name Taylor, who had been hanging on the fringes of the group, rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, just get good. Brilliant advice, Miss Naturally Talented."

"Get good? Hardly. Get competent is more like it," Asuna sniped back.

Resting his spear on his back, Johnny glanced at Kirito. "Those two seem fairly high-strung. What's the cause, do you think?"

Both girls spun towards him, anger flashing in their eyes. "You are the cause, JB!" they shouted as one.

Johnny glanced between them. "Is this about hanging you up in that elf city in just your underwear?"

"Yes!" Asuna ground out through clenched teeth. "It was a _very_ long and cold night."

Pointing towards the Dark Elf girl who had been tied up with Asuna, Johnny blinked. "I had thought that she would have kept you somewhat warm, considering how tightly I tied the two of you."

The Dark Elf girl, Kizmel was her name, Johnny had learned, nodded slightly. "Well, Miss Asuna's undressed body was quite warm," she admitted freely, bringing a blush to Asuna's face. "Though the warmth of her breath on my breasts was a touch distracting." The more Kizmel spoke, the redder Asuna became.

"So that's why Asuna is in such a tizzy. What about you, Taylor?" Payton flinched at the use of her real name.

"Stop using that name, you sunovabitch," she muttered angrily. "Seriously, you threatened to kill Koharu. I don't even know why I'm even letting her near you."

True to Payton's words, Koharu trailed behind the American girl, though she seemed much less wary of Johnny then one would expect.

"Aw come on! I apologized for that one, and besides, I already told you that she wasn't in any danger. It was a non-lethal poison anyhow," Johnny defended.

"Well I didn't know that at the time!" Payton shouted.

Shrugging, Johnny pointed towards Koharu. "Well, she knew she wasn't in any danger. It tells you what kind of poison it is on your HUD and all."

"Yeah? Well, she couldn't tell me that, on account of you also paralyzing her!"

An eyeroll was her response. "Of course. How would I blackmail you if you didn't think she was in danger, Taylor?"

"Stop calling me that!"

Johnny shook his head. "Nope. I like calling you by your real name anyways. Taylor. Pretty name, for a pretty girl."

Stumbling, Payton coughed in surprise, blushing slightly. "Uh? Wait, I don't want to hear that from you!"

"He's not wrong," Koharu murmured from behind Payton, bringing an even brighter blush to the freckled redheads face.

As the American girl tried to stammer out a response, Johnny sighed and scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Well, still, I did go too far that time, as Kirito-kun was kind enough to remind me of. How about this? I don't go after Koharu again, and you at least consider forgiving me at some point."

Calming herself, Payton met his gaze. "...tch. Fine. But in addition to that, you'll do your utmost to protect Koharu in any boss fight. And in exchange, I'll forgive you for threatening to kill Koharu, right here and now."

Johnny's eyes widened slightly. "That's… more generous than I had expected. You sure?"

Payton sighed. "Well, I already took out most of my anger on that damn Rat over there." Quickly glancing away, Argo could not hide the dusting of pink on her cheeks at the reminder of what she had been through. "And besides. Besides… I'm not actually mad at you for anything other than threatening to kill Koharu."

The assembled group blinked in surprise. Payton rolled her eyes. "What? I'm a nerd, and I was a nerd in high school too. Atch, the amount of bullying… regardless, embarrassment is something I'm used to."

"So you wouldn't mind if I stole your pants right now?" Johnny asked.

Reaching over, Payton slapped him on the top of his head. "I said used to, not enjoy you little brat. Still, that I can overlook… provided you do whatever you can to make sure Koharu doesn't die."

After a moment's thought, Johnny stretched out a hand. Payton grabbed it in hers. "You American's sure are forgiving," the scruffy looking man commented as he watched them.

Payton scoffed at the idea. "Hardly. No, but the way I see it, I'd rather forgive the person that threatened to kill Koharu than stay mad at a little brat and potentially lose her. Besides, like he said, Koharu was never in any real danger. If you had actually poisoned her, I'd never forgive you. As is, I'll just take out my anger on Kayaba." After a moment's pause, Payton fixed Johnny with another look. "By the way, I noticed that you didn't say that you wouldn't go after me."

"Well of course not!" Johnny recoiled in mock shock. "You're totally my type, I'd never stop embarrassing you!"

"Mine as well," Koharu pipped up, interrupting whatever Payton was going to say. "Sorry, JB, but I call dibs."

Johnny sighed in mock disappointment. "Oh, what a shame. Though I hope you don't mind me taking advantage of your girlfriend."

"Ah, she's cuter when she's blushing anyways, so…" Koharu commented.

Red faced and angry, Payton alternated her glare between the both of them. "Argh! Both of you—!"

As the rest of the group watched the three bicker, the scruffy man rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Kids these days… are so strange."

"It ain't like you can say tha' like tis' somethin' profound," Argo replied. "'Sides, yer what, early twenties? Can't be tha' much older than us."

The scruffy man shrugged. "Aye. But compared to you kids, I'm the responsible adult here."

Kirito looked over at the man. "Even if you say that, you're more like the irresponsible uncle or something."

"That hurts, Kirito," the scruffy man sighed, clutching his chest in mock agony. "But really. I wasn't kidding. Kids these days are quite strange. Much more willing to forgive then I would have been." He gestured towards Payton and Koharu as he spoke.

Having finished his chat with Payton and Koharu, which mostly involved the usually shy Koharu and Johnny teasing Payton endlessly, Johnny skipped back over to the main group.

"Oh right, Asuna, I have something for you!" Pulling a masterfully crafted rapier from his inventory, he brandished it. "Neat, huh? Want it?"

In spite of her annoyance at Johnny, Asuna still reached over and tapped on the rapier, her eyes widening when she saw the stats. "This is… a very good weapon."

"Yup. Got it off that Garrison Commander I killed." The others twitched slightly at Johnny's offhand mention of killing an NPC. Sure, they'd all done it too, but still. NPCs were so human-like, that to just kill them was a bit… "Anyways," Johnny continued, uncaring of their opinions on NPCs, "What're your favourite kind of panties?"

Asuna gave an exasperated sigh. "I should have expected something like this."

The scruffy man and Kirito exchanged glances, before stepping away from Asuna and looking away resolutely. Asuna fixed them with a nasty look.

"Seriously? Do you honestly think I'd just accept his offer, just like that?" she accused.

Kirito took another step away before glancing over his shoulder. "Er… well, you might be a noob at video games, but you're almost as obsessive as me when it comes to getting stronger."

"Fuck you," Asuna grumbled, before turning towards Johnny. "White with blue accents, stripes or a bow or whatever," she muttered under her breath. "Now can I have my damn sword?"

Johnny tossed the weapon to her. "And you said I have no taste in underwear, and yet I was entirely right about you." As Asuna caught the weapon, Johnny's hand swept forwards, flipping Asuna's skirt up to reveal white panties with red polka dots. "I was right, red and white do fit you."

Kirito, who had turned around just in time to get an eyeful of Asuna's panties, spun back around with an eep. Asuna glanced at the blushing other boy, before turning towards Johnny with an unkind expression. "You know, JB, I've just so happened to come into possession of this new rapier. Mind helping me test it out?"

A streak of light shot towards Johnny, the boy only just managing to deflect it by pinwheeling his spear. Grinning cheekily at the others, Johnny waved towards them. "See you all later!" And with that he was dashing away, Asuna on his tail.

"Chances that she catches him?" the scruffy man asked, sighing at their antics.

"Tis' pretty high, sa," Argo commented. "She's faster than him."

The scruffy man amended his statement. "Chances that she catches him and returns with all her clothes intact?"

"Ah." Argo considered that, before raising her hand, thumb pressed to her other fingers in a zero sign. The rest of the group nodded their agreement. It wasn't like they couldn't beat Johnny. Kirito could do it with easy, the scruffy man had deadlocked Johnny on multiple occasions, and Payton and Koharu working together could overpower him. In a fair fight. Too bad Johnny never fought fair.

The group gave their goodbyes before disbanding, Kirito to grind, Argo to gather intel on the boss before the next boss clearing meeting, Payton and Koharu to farm up the [Col] that Johnny had stolen from them, and the scruffy man to do scruffy man things.

Asuna would find herself limping into Nezha's workshop a few hours later, armour in tatters, a blush of both exhaustion and embarrassment on her face. Though Nezha wasn't exactly trusted as a blacksmith anymore, due to her past as a scammer, she had still become the go-to person for victims of Johnny's Corrupting daggers. Mostly because… well, she was a girl, and also never commented on one's state of undress. And she was a competent blacksmith, even if it wasn't her main job anymore.

* * *

Real short chapter. Mostly character interactions and filler. Yeah, Koharu and Johnny get along surprisingly well, considering he poisoned her. Payton is a forgiving girl...sort of. Too bad for Argo she didn't forgive earlier. Nezha returns for a brief moment, and Asuna gets embarrassed again. Anyways, the boss is coming up. And what a dumb boss it is. Just, AoE poison spam. God, there's a reason I farmed the Hippogriff instead of the Treant. The amount of Antidotes needed… Atch.

Anyways, if this chapter seems a bit rushed… well, I can't say it's not, as I wrote it in a day, but it's not as if I plan any of my stories. They're all ad-libbed, so eh. Bah, I just think this chapter was a bit boring, and I'm not talking about the lack of fanservice. I write action scenes, dammit! Give me my action scenes! And yet, character development is still important. Feh.


	11. Shillelagh

"So, Argo, what's this about?" Johnny asked, dropping next to the older girl. In the past, Argo had shrieked and jumped when he appeared out of nowhere. She was clearly getting used to him, as she only flinched slightly. Hm. Next time, maybe should appear from under her dress. That might get a better response.

Argo interrupted his thoughts. "Scoutin' for the boss, Jay-chan. Got a quest tha' might 'ave somethin' related ta a weakness or somethin', sa."

"Eh? And nobody found the quest until now?" Johnny thought about it. "Well, I suppose we're speedrunning it. What's the quest?"

"There's a druid miniboss tha' uses poisonous trees ta protect her house. We have ta enter the house and subdue her—"

Johnny perked up. "Her?"

Facepalming, Argo fixed Johnny with a tired look. "Yeah, her. That's why I didn't wanna bring ya with me on this one. But everyone else's off grindin', ya know? Yer the only one free, 'cause you don't grind. How yer so strong, I'll never know."

"I'm not."

Argo blinked. "'Scuse me?"

Nodding, Johnny pulled up his character screen and showed it to Argo.

The Rat-themed girl took one look at it and choked. "W-what the fuck?"

"Language!" Johnny reprimanded her, earning him a slap on the head from a flabbergasted Argo.

"J-jay-chan, this…" Argo glanced at him. "Yer level 20?!"

She was in disbelief, and not in a good way. You could take the boss on when you were more or less the same level, but most clearers waited until they were around 10 levels higher. Johnny, on the other hand, was 10 levels lower. That was akin to suicide!

"250 [Health]?! 8 [Armour]? Are ya tryin' ta die?" And what's more, those defensive stats! That was the base [Health] and 7 points more than base [Armour]. Running around like that was a great way to get yourself killed.

There were three stats in Sword Art Online that were typically were considered the primary defensive stats. [Health], obviously, [Defence] as well. Finally there was [Movement Speed]. The best way to increase [Movement Speed] was through [Agility]. [Agility] increased one's damage with [Finesse] weapons, such as Rapiers and the like, as well as increasing [Movement Speed] by both a flat number and a percentage.

So, while Johnny's [Health] and [Armour] might be far below what is safe, at least he'd have some maneuverability, right? Or not, as Argo would soon realise, staring wide-eyed at the big fat [5+(3)] in [Agility]. That was base [Agility], with a minuscule 3 additional points from some piece of equipment. "What th' 'ell kinda gimped build is this, Jay-chan?" Argo cried in horror. "I mean, whaddid ya even level, ka?"

Johnny reached over and tapped the HUD in front of Argo, scrolling down his [Status] screen. "Movement Speed," he said.

Sure enough, Johnny had decided to place his in [Movement Speed]. Which Argo hadn't even known you could do. Regardless, the difference was obvious. Quickly, the girl pulled up her own [Status] screen. As a Tank build—though you wouldn't expect it from the daggers Argo was always carrying around—the information broker had fairly low [Agility], putting her movement speed at only around 131. Johnny was at 485. At level 20. Even Asuna, who dumped all her points in [Agility] only had 293 [Movement Speed].

"I am, and I can not stress this enough, fast as fuck, boy?" Johnny quipped cheekily.

Argo could only shake her head, feeling a headache coming as she stared at his stats. "Do ya even do any damage?"

"Don't need to. [Corruption] works as long as my weapons are in contact with other people. And with it maxed out, it does percentage damage to equipment. I mean, it also scales off damage, but not too well. And poison is flat, with no difference based on my stats. Luck'ed be the only thing that matters, to farm and craft more poison. But I steal enough [Col] to buy that stuff."

"And if ya face a boss who's resistant ta poison?" Argo asked. "Like, I don't know, the next boss?"

The boy stopped to consider it. "Ineffective strats never stopped me from meme runs in Dark Souls!" he finally declared firmly.

Grabbing him by his collar, Argo lifted him into the air and shook him. "Rather than Dark Souls, tis more like Darkest Dungeon! There's no room fer memes 'ere! One mistake and yer gonna die, sa. Tis' not a game, do ya get it Jay-chan?"

"Tell you what, Rat. Let's go fight this Druid of yours. I'll take it seriously for once." Johnny smirked. "Bet I can do more damage than you."

"A single hit'll kill ya, sa!"

Rolling his eyes, Johnny clapped her on the back. "A single hit was always going to kill me. But don't worry so much, I won't get hit." Argo didn't seem to be convinced. "Come on, this quest is important, right? Are you really going to risk the lives of a bunch of other players just because you don't trust me to keep myself safe?"

Argo flinched, considering it. After a brief, if agonizing, time mulling it over, she made up her mind. "Fine then, Jay-chan," she grumbled through gritted teeth. "Let's go, sa. But you'd better not die!"

"I'd never dare!" Johnny exclaimed. "After all, then I wouldn't get to enjoy myself anymore. And that sounds far too dreary."

Together they set out, quickly arriving at the quest location. A small wooden house lay at the center of a field of roses.

Johnny pointed at the house. "That it?" Argo nodded.

"We should approach slowly and silently," she began, already coming up with half a dozen plans of attack. Johnny scoffed.

"Speed is armour." And with that, he burst forwards. The second his foot touched the outermost part of the clearing, the roses erupted into motion. They whipped towards him, crimson buds attached to thorny stems. Argo stared on in horror as half a dozen roses shredded the area where Johnny was standing. But they were too slow, managing only to catch the breeze as Johnny blasted past them.

Realizing their failure, a storm of roses burst from the ground, intent on rendering him into nothing. The first strike had been a probe, more to warn off then to actually kill. This time, the roses came in a tidal wave of thorny plants, striking from every direction. Even for an experienced player like Argo, there were too many to track. It was like a Bullet Hell from Hell, with attacks coming from three dimensions.

And yet, Johnny danced past the barbed plants with grace efficiency Argo had never seen. He spun amongst the twisted forest, thorny roses catching nothing but air. Argo stared on, wide-eyed. Johnny hadn't been lying about being fast.

In truth, it was so much more than just speed. In the thick of the storm, Johnny spun, his eyes flicking about. There was a reason Johnny had been a well known figure amongst certain parts of the PvP community. He rarely ranked particularly highly amongst the top players. And yet… and yet anyone who fought him, including top tier experts all had the same thing to say.

He was untouchable. No one knew why, but in any fair fight, every attack they made was dodged, or blocked, or otherwise predicted. Johnny was untouchable simply because of how fast he could process information. Oh sure, Kirito was faster at reacting. But the other boy moved instinctively. Johnny moved with a purpose.

In the midst of the onslaught, Johnny took in everything. Every plant was noted and accounted for, their path of attack predicted. Routes forwards were found and taken, or if there was no path, then one was made, courtesy of a dagger, spinning forwards in a buzzsaw of dirty crimson light that signified a [Corruption] enhanced attack.

Thorns brushed Johnny's pants, traced lines across his skin, and raked his coat. But none found purchase. And in the midst of it all, Johnny smiled. This was the life—a life lived on the razor's edge, the slightest misstep representing death. One wrong move, one missed rose, one bad throw of a dagger, and that was his end. And that's what he loved. He lived for this. Well, this and humiliating Asuna and Argo and the rest of them. That was quite fun too. Fun that he would no longer be able to partake in if he died here.

So of course, he wasn't going to die. The thorny storm picked up. Johnny laughed cheerily. Well then, so would he. A blur became a flash, darting between the roses that sought to waylay his path. Red buzzsaws carved his path forwards, disassembling plants with a touch. A wall of roses blocked his path. Johnny planted a foot on the ground and hurled a dagger forwards once more. It tore a hole in the wall. A hole that was quickly closing. At his current speed, he wouldn't make it through, and he'd be torn to shreds. Johnny scoffed. As if.

Shoving off of the foot he had planted on the ground, Johnny disappeared. When he reappeared again, he was through the garden of roses and before the door to the house. Johnny glanced back at where Argo was standing, still outside of the clearing. He waved cheekily before ducking inside.

Argo took one step into the field, before a rose caught her in the arm, sending her stumbling back with a hiss of pain. These things bypassed the [Pain Link]? How annoying.

Pulling up her HUD, Argo sent Johnny a message, asking if he needed any help. Her response was a picture of a middle aged elf holding a staff, her face red. Probably owing to the fact that her tunic was in tatters, exposing tanned skin and a bra made out of what seemed to be faux leaves.

So it seemed he was doing fine. Argo dropped onto the ground and waited. Soon a message popped up on her HUD. It was a picture of a battered NPC elf, bound with ropes, and in just her rose print panties.

Taking a tentative step into the field, Argo sighed in relief when no roses rose up to attack him. She walked briskly towards the house, when suddenly a storm of plants erupted around her. Johnny had managed to duck, dodge, and cut a way through the onslaught. Argo was not so skilled. The thorny roses shredded her [Health] and her [Armour]... and then they were gone, pulled back into the ground. Argo gazed around her, before glancing down. Upon doing so, she groaned in annoyance.

Her clothes had been rendered into scraps, leaving her in just her yellowish brown sports bra and boyshorts. Tapping her HUD, a cloak materialized around her… and was shredded just as quickly as her clothes had been before.

Argo fixed the field of roses with an angry glare. One of the roses poked itself out of the ground and waved itself at her cheekily. Muttering curses under her breath, the petite girl stomped up to the house and kicked open the door.

"Jay-chan!" she yelled through gritted teeth. Johnny was reclining on an armchair. He glanced up when she entered.

"Oh, hey Argo. Not that I'm complaining, but what's with the view?" He leered at her exposed body.

The girl bristled angrily. "Y-you! Argh! Just… just lemme complete this damn quest!" She turned towards the restrained elf woman. "'Kay then, tell me what th' boss' weakness is, sa!" Though she squirmed under Argo's unhappy glare, the elf gave no answer. "Tell me, or I'll leave ya 'ere with Jay-chan an' come back in a day or somethin'."

The woman looked up at her resolutely. "Do your worst. You think I fear the elf killer!"

Johnny looked affronted. "I've only killed a few elves! Kirito and Asuna've totally killed more," he complained.

"Yeah, but yer real brutal 'bout it, Jay-chan," Argo reminded him. "Slittin' their throats or slowly snappin' their legs 'fore leavin' 'em to get eaten by spiders. Or just cuttin' up their clothes an' the like, sa."

As she talked, the elf went paler and paler, but remained firm. Johnny shrugged sheepishly before perking up. "Right, cutting up their clothes!" Twirling a knife, he descended upon the elf. "I just noticed I forgot your panties!"

"N-no, wait!" The elf paled suddenly. "I'll tell you, I'll tell you, if you leave my panties!"

Johnny ignored her pleas, forcing Argo to slap him across the back of the head. "Johnny, we need the info more than ya need ta see 'er naked, ta."

"Booooring," Johnny whined, his knife slid under the waistband of the elf's panties. He fixed the elf with an annoyed look. "Better hurry." His knife burned with crimson light and began slowly cutting threads of silk.

"The boss is a Treant that the council of Druids created, the secret is using lightning on the poison ducts located at the base. The lightning will travel straight to the core, disabling the Treant's poison. Don't use fire unless it's almost dead. Fire will just ignite the poison gas, turning the whole area into a firestorm. It'll kill the Treant eventually, but probably kill you first."

Johnny removed his knife with a huff. Argo was typing furiously. Finally the information broker nodded. "Okay, got it. Let's go, sa."

"By the way, you were worried about my survivability, right? So, how's I do?" Smirking, Johnny prodded Argo in her exposed side. Twitching, Argo sighed.

"Fine, ya were right, ye didn' get killed. Yer good, 's that what ya want me ta say? Or do ya want me ta strip for ya? Humiliate me more, sa?" Argo hissed. Johnny sighed.

"Oh come on, don't be so pissy, Rat. Honest question, would you feel better if I was stronger?" Johnny asked.

Argo nodded sharply. In the next moment, a shower of polygons filled the room as the elf druid shattered, her gaze one of horror.

"Jay-chan!" Argo yelped.

Picking his dagger up, Johnny looked over at her. "What? I got stronger." Argo watched as his level ticked up rapidly. 20. 21. 22. Finally it stopped at 34. 14 levels in one go. Noticing Argo's astonishment, Johnny shrugged. "If you're a higher level than the enemy you get less [XP] but better [Drop Rates]. The opposite is also true. The lower your level relative to the enemy, the more [XP] but the worse the [Drop Rate]."

"That doesn't explain how ya gained 14 levels in one kill, ta," Argo countered. "Tis a 100% increase per level under the enemy. Tis the Third Floor, so the elf'd be 'bout level 35 or 40 or so."

Johnny wagged his finger, like Argo was some child who just said something really silly. "Come on, you didn't check? For shame, Rat. For shame. No, she was Level 55." Argo stared at him in disbelief. "Though probably because her field of roses increases her challenge rating by a lot and therefore her level. She actually had stats around a level 20 mob. Still, level 55 is a 35 level difference. Which multiplied the [XP] by 3500%. And I just used my [XP Boost], which doubles that. So, 7000% [XP]. A level 55 is already worth quite a bit of [XP], so. 14 levels in one go, easy." A smirk. "Why do you think I didn't raise my level for so long? Though, I suppose finding a level 55 is just really good luck. Now, I've got a day left on my [XP Boost], so I'm going to go grind. See you later. And, Rat? Consider putting some clothes on. Not that I mind."

With that, Johnny disappeared. One second he was there, the next nothing. That was… a lot faster than before. Argo facepalmed. He put all his levels into [Movement Speed] didn't he? He was trying to give her a heart attack or something.

Cursing adrenaline junky brats, Argo equipped a backup set of clothes and teleported back to town to deliver news of the boss' weakness.

* * *

Long time coming, this chapter. I've been travelling Europe. A bit of a 'Oh, you had cancer? Well now that you're all better, let's travel the world' thing with my family. It's been fun so far, but I haven't had too much time to write. You know how it is.

Anyways, I wanted to mention something. I'm planning on running a DnD campaign, focused on the kind of hijinks Johnny gets up to. You know, EUF, ENF, some bondage, that kind of thing. Any kinks, really. Or, most kinks, really. I'm fine with most things, short of snuff and guro. Like, I'll kill characters, but you don't have to be cruel about it or anything. Though I have a L4D2 story almost done that might be a bit brutal at times. In my defense, zombies.

Well, whatever. What I'm saying, is that if you want to be Johnny (Or Argo, I don't judge, subs are just as good as doms) and run amuck in a DnD campaign, DM me. Or, like, leave a review. You don't even need to know how to play DnD. Because honestly, DnD is just using your imagination. Boom, easy.

Oh, also. If you were wondering how stats are calculated, below is a list. I have an Excel document as well that calculates stats and that kind of thing, but I can't link that. DM me if you care for that. The XP Boost is an item that Kayaba gave to everyone at the same time as the mirror. Give everyone a bit of a jump start, you know? Using the chart, see if you can calculate Johnny's Movement Speed at the end of the chapter. I dunno, I'll write a 2000 word short about whatever for the first person who can.

And as always if you're looking for more stuff like this story, check my profile. Sometimes I publish other things. Usually it's lewd.

* * *

Argo, Level 40 (Projected Level 47.2), Tank (4/1 Strength Agility Split)

Title: Information Broker (Enhances Social Skills)

Strength: 161 (+29)

Agility: 44 (+7)  
Luck: 5

Health: 5709.15

Regen: 45.05755

Resistance: 95 (+95)

Damage: 200

Capacity: 1900

Armour: 9.285

Movement Speed: 137.145

Attack Speed: 6.994395

Perception: 1248.8

Drop Rate: 1.05

Crafting Success: 1.05

Crafting Speed: 1.05

Critical Chance: 0

Skill Points: 2050

Skill Slots: 10

Skills:

Martial Arts (Bonus Skill)

-You're like Bruce Lee

Durability

-I reject your status effects

Stealth

-Sneaky Beaky like

Enhanced Perception

-See much evil

Quest Checker

-Using the wiki lul

Acrobatics

-Do you think this is Assassin's Creed?

Dagger Proficiency

-What, you egg? Stabs him.

Map Hacks

-Secrets and wonders can be found in the most tenebrous corners of this place.

Robot Spider

-I'd use scanner, but Isaac is better than Gungeon

Identify

-Good news, it doesn't cost a bunch of GP

Light Armour Proficiency

-Lul, light armour classes

* * *

Formulas

5 Attribute Points per level. Base stats are 5/5/5. If you increase a specific stat, like Movement Speed, with your attribute points, then you get an increase of double what the attribute (Strength, Agility, Luck) would have given you. For instance, putting an attribute point into Health would increase your Health by 40. Putting a point into Movement Speed increases your Movement Mod by 2. Not all attributes can be increased in this way.

Strength

+20 Health

+0.1 Regeneration

+1 Resistance

+1 Damage

+10 Capacity

Agility

+0.16 Armour

+0.05 Movement Speed Multiplier

+1 Movement Speed

+1 Attack Speed

+10 Perception

Luck

+1 Drop Rate

+1 Crafting Success

+1 Crafting Speed

+1 Critical Chance Multiplier

+10 Skill Points

All Stats (Currently)

True Health = ((Base Health+True Armour)+145)

True Regeneration = (Base Regeneration+((Base Regeneration*True Movement Speed)/100)

True Resistance = (Base Resistance*System Synchronization)

True Damage = (Base Damage+Weapon Damage)

True Capacity = (Base Capacity*Storage Items)

True Armour = (Base Armour+(True Resistance/100))

True Movement Speed = ((Base Movement Speed+Movement Mod)*B25)

True Attack Speed = (((Base Attack Speed*True Movement Speed)/Armour Class)/100)

True Perception = (Base Perception*Movement Mod)

True Drop Rate = (Base Drop Rate*Level Over Suggested Level)

True Crafting Success = ((Crafting Success/100)+1)

True Crafting Speed = ((Crafting Speed/100)+1)

True Critical Chance = (0+(Critical Chance Multiplier*(Times Attacked Since Last Critical/10))

True Skill Points = (Base Skill Points+(Level*50))

Skill Slots = Round Down(True Skill Points/250)


	12. Treant Druid

Johnny watched as the branch drew back and prepared to spear towards Koharu. Payton cried out and swung wildly at the branches that held her back, but she was too well restrained.

And it had all been going so well. The boss fight had stared on time, and the players had cleared the adds with mechanical efficiency, before turning to the boss. Like a swarm of gardeners they slowly cut the Treant to shreds. Those few with lightning elemental weapons stepped forwards and put Argo's information to use, dealing immense amounts of damage that sheared off large chunks of the boss's [Health].

In all honesty, the fight was still going well. For most players. Except that Koharu had made a misstep and tripped. As if the world was conspiring against her continued existence, Payton had at that moment found herself dealing with an onslaught of branches, and found herself unable to go to her friend's aid.

Kirito noticed, but on the other side of the boss, he would be unable to reach her in time. Asuna was much the same, fighting side-by-side with Kirito. Argo was too slow to even consider reaching her, and Klein too busy fending off his own barrage of branches. Nezha hadn't yet noticed her fellow player's predicament, and so it went.

Only Johnny remained able to cross the distance between them. Only, a single grazing blow from the boss would render him into nothingness. What fun. In an instant, Johnny crossed the distance between him and the player next to Koharu. With his [Stealth] being quite high for his level and combined with his stupidly high [Movement Speed], he was like a shadow, a mistake of the eyes to anyone he passed.

He couldn't do anything in particular to help Koharu personally. With no [Health] he couldn't tank, with no [Damage] he couldn't fend off the branch, and [Movement Speed] only allowed you to carry other people if you had the [Strength] for it. Which, it should be reiterated, Johnny absolutely didn't have.

So as he swept past, he simply brushed against the man who had been standing near Koharu, embroiled in his own fight.

The man stumbled. Straight into the path of the branch headed for Koharu. The sharpened wood punched a hole in the man's chest but was slowed down, stopping an inch away from Koharu's throat. With Koharu's [Health] in the red, that would have been a sure-kill had it connected with the girl.

For the man, one of the main tanks of the raid group, it dropped his [Health] by two thirds. Such was the power of [Vital Strikes]. Koharu stumbled to her feet and made to assist her unwitting saviour. Too little too late. The man had already been struggling against the branches harassing him before. With the shock of finding a foot thick branch through his chest, the man's guard dropped. Pain wasn't one to one in Aincrad, but such a blow certainly wasn't comfortable. The main tank's death arrived seconds later in the form of countless crushing blows.

To freeze in a boss fight was to die, after all. Koharu stared wide-eyed at the shower of polygons, even as Payton, finally freed from her wooden prison, hauled her away from the boss. Johnny darted silently back to where he had been standing originally, resuming the fight as he had never left. And to the players around him, he never had. After all, crossing the distance had only taken Johnny a breath; returning requiring the same. With his [Stealth] what it was, no one could have caught what he did. Kirito, maybe, if the boy had been devoting his full attention to watching Johnny, but the black-clad swordsman wasn't _that_ good at multitasking.

In short order, the boss was rendered into firewood. When only one bar of [Health] remained, Alchemist's Fire, supplied by Argo and her fellow information broker Fydor, was hurled onto the Treant and the boss erupted in a beautiful fireball. One thing no one would say was that Aincrad wasn't incredibly detailed.

Johnny for one knew how detailed it was. Particularly player models. Even more particularly Argo's, Asuna's, and the like. Everything was so finely modeled that it was almost like reality. Really, you couldn't tell the difference. Which was probably, Johnny thought, one of the reasons that so many of his victims were so embarrassed to be stripped. Considering it was more or less their real bodies being exposed and all.

With the boss dead, everybody had begun to disperse this way and that. Most to the next floor, some others to other places. A few went to drown their sorrows at the bars—no matter how well the Clearers did, there were still casualties. One of them being the man that Johnny had nudged to save Payton. Who seemed somewhat traumatized by the experience. Well, more than somewhat.

At least the girl had Taylor to comfort her. More than… well, whatever. Now that this floor was completed, Johnny left. As he wandered through the labyrinth, a hand on his shoulder brought him to a stop. Turning around, he came face to face with a short haired—and also short in height—dark haired girl. Johnny's gaze swept across her.

She wore a green jacket with red collar over a black shirt that cut off just below her sizable breasts, leaving her navel exposed. A pair of green leg wraps stretched up from her ankles to just below her thighs, exposing a large amount of milky white skin between their top and the girl's short black shorts. A metal breastpiece covered her left breast, while leaving her right only covered by her shirt. An agility player then. Her right arm was covered in a red and green floating sleeve that left her shoulder exposed, while her left arm was clad in a long black glove. A belt finished the outfit, and held a brace of knives.

"Nice thighs," he finally said after a second or two.

The girl rolled her eyes. "As if that's the first thing you noticed, or even spent the most time looking at." She tilted her head to the side. "I watched your eyes. You might have been staring at my lower body, but not at my legs. Rather at the daggers I'm wearing."

Johnny whistled in amusement. "Sharp eyes."

"Sharp enough. Sharp enough to see you push that man into the way of the boss," she said. Now that was a surprise. Johnny hadn't thought there was anyone with enough perception to spot him. Clearly he was wrong. "You killed him…" The girl paused and trailed off, gathering her thoughts. "He's not the first person, right?"

Considering that, Johnny shrugged, palming a dagger behind his back. "I can neither confirm nor deny such an accusation."

"So that's a yes then," the girl retorted, scoffing. Then she sighed. "No need to kill me as well, I won't tell. I just had one question."

In half a second, Johnny had crossed the distance between them and had a dagger pressed to the girl's throat. Good eyes, maybe, the reflexes to match? Not quite. Her own dagger was only half-way out of its sheath. She swallowed nervously and made a show of moving her hand away from her weapon. Johnny narrowed his eyes, but nodded slightly.

"How do you live with it?"

In contrast to her cold, somewhat aloof demeanour before, with her trembling eyes, shaking hands, and with a dagger pressed to her neck, she looked downright pitious. Johnny wasn't really the most people person around, but he wasn't stupid. He sighed and gazed up at the ceiling. Dammit, he wasn't some psychologist. Still. "If you have to ask… then you're probably going to be fine."

"Eh?" The girl blinked.

Johnny removed his dagger and stepped back, waving at himself. "Me… I don't live with killing people. I don't feel anything for it. I can take a breath as easily as I can end one. I was this close to ending your life right there, you know? Hah, that you even think about it makes you a better person than me. That's what you're wanting to know, right? Are you still a good person? The fact that you want to know means that you are."

"M-more or less," the girl agreed. She sighed, but her lips quirked up slightly. "Aiya, seriously, you're younger than me and yet you're still giving me advice."

"My best advice would be to see a real psychiatrist," Johnny muttered. "But you're Japanese, so. Atch, Japanese mental health system. Not even once." Rolling his eyes, he sheathed his dagger. "But again. You'll be fine. You probably killed someone by accident, or in defense of someone else. If it's the first, then everyone makes mistakes. If it's the second, then remember the person you were protecting, and that they're alive now because of you."

The girl looked down. "But… what if…"

In a breath, Johnny was behind the girl. She turned her head to follow him, before eeping and blushing as he slapped her derriere. "The only buts I care about are women's butts," Johnny said. "And what a nice butt," he added, leering. The girl flinched away, before chuckling slightly.

"I… I suppose you have a point. Thanks for the chat. I owe you one." Her eyes narrowed. "B-but if you ever touch my butt again, you'll regret it!"

"No I won't," Johnny shot back immediately, before pausing. "You said you owe me one. What would that entail?"

"Whatever you'd like," was the response.

Johnny looked at her and tilted his head. "You… don't know who I am, do you?"

"Eh? Well, not as such, no. I mean, I haven't really been paying attention to other players that much." The girl looked a bit confused. "Should I know you?"

He considered that. "Probably? I mean… at this point, my identity isn't exactly a secret? Well, for the record, I spend most of my free time running about, dressed in a cloak, stripping girls."

The girl did a spit-take at that. "W-wait, you're the hooded pervert? A fifteen years old kid? A-and, the leaders of the Clearers know what you do, and don't stop you?"

"Well, Kirito is a friend of mine, Asuna tolerates me, and so on. That's the top players right there. Erm… Diavel can't beat me in a fight, and until she can I won't listen to her. That's the Aincrad Liberation Force. And Schmitt… I think approves of what I do, or at least finds it funny, so he doesn't step in either. So mostly, the Clearers pretend to not know what I do in my free time, so as to not have to actually take a stand. And to be fair, help a lot," Johnny explained. Seriously, the politics of Aincrad were something else. A small time gang was less complicated.

The girl shook her head. "Seriously? Um… In light of new information, can I take back that favour I owe you?"

"No takebacksies!" Johnny declared with a smirk. "This'll be fun."

Groaning, the girl opinioned the opposite. Still, she opened her HUD and sent him a friend request. A message from player Sinon popped up on Johnny's own HUD. "If you need a favour, call me."

Accepting the girl, Sinon's request, Johnny nodded slightly. "For real, consider talking to Kirito. He's better at the whole people thing, and he won't judge you or anything."

The girl winced at the thought. Even just talking to one person was... "I'm… not going to do that."

"Fair enough." Johnny waved to her, before holding up one of his hands. "By the way, your eyes are good, but your instincts aren't. Don't watch the mouth, watch the hands."

Sinon froze at the sight of the thing he was holding, before punching a series of buttons on her HUD, opening her inventory. After glancing at it, she began trembling in anger.

"See ya'," Johnny quipped, before darting away, Sinon's navy blue boyshorts clutched in his hand. Pickpocket successful flashed on his HUD. Best investment he ever made after killing the Elf Druid with Argo. With that many levels, he gained two new skill slots. Pickpocketing made it in one easily. After all, who didn't love sneaking in Skyrim and stealing everything. Or, like, just putting a bucket on the NPC's heads. Actually… would that work in SAO? He'd have to check. An angry shout of "JOHNNY!" followed him.

Pocketing Sinon's stolen panties, Johnny made his way to the next floor. It wasn't an elf controlled floor, so he'd actually be able to go into the cities.

* * *

Woo wee, cancer sucks. That is all.

Anyways, join Discord at (yEZCERX) if you want to join a lewd DnD campaign. Game time is whenever possible, experience required is none, and all you need to bring is a willingness to lewd NPCs. Or yourself if you're a sub. Or yourself if you roll poorly. Really, lewding all around. No microphone required. a moderator if you join.

Uh, next chapter… sooner than this one, that's for sure. It'll be a beach episode, I think. Johnny is now level 35, so if anyone can figure out what his [Movement Speed] is, I'll write you a 1000 word or short story of whatever. The formulas are in the previous chapter. Cheerio.

As a question, would you like more stats and that kind of thing? I can swing it, if people would rather more stats and such. Here's a little side-story kind of showing what more stats would look like.

Also, for the record, the title of this chapter tells you how long I've been working on this chapter. Because back when I started it, Treant Druid was sort of meta.

* * *

 **STEALTH 100**

Stepping into the Venice-like streets of the 4th Floor, Johnny immediately made for a shop. Grabbing a nearby bucket, he stepped inside and dropped it on the head of the female NPC; a young woman with short red hair in a pair of braids. Kinda looked like the Wendy's mascot. Exactly like that, actually. Maybe the graphics team ran out of ideas or something?

The young NPC woman looked around a bit confused and started bumping into objects. Johnny grinned. Success with step one then. Activating [Stealth], he walked up to her and activated [Pickpocket]. A menu appeared, listing the items in the NPC's inventory.

-159 [Col]

-10 [Menus]

-1 [Ink Pen]

-1 [Notepad]

-1 [Blue/White Dress (F)]

-2 [White Stockings (F)]

-2 [Brown Shoes (F)]

-1 [Blue/White Cotton Bra]

-1 [Red Lace Panties]

-2 [Hair Ties (F)]

Johnny tapped Steal All. A percentage appeared on his screen. 17.24% chance. Well, who dares wins. He tapped confirm.

With a pleasant ding, the NPC's items were deposited in Johnny's inventory. A bit surprising, that. A series of dings followed.

Title Awarded: [Lover's Lab], [Skyrim Stealer], [STEAL!]

Curiously, Johnny tapped the Titles.

[Lover's Lab]: Perform a bucket-on-head theft that removes the target's clothes. When equipped: Always bypass Ethics Code.

[Skyrim Stealer]: Perform a bucket-on-head theft. When equipped: Increases [Stealth] by 100 when crouching.

[STEAL!]: Unique Title. Perform a low percentage chance [Pickpocket] that removes the target's panties. When equipped: 100% chance to [Pickpocket] a target's panties. Pickpocket can be used at range. [Pickpocket] always alerts the target.

A wicked, perverted smile crossed Johnny's face. He was going to have so much fun with this. Across Aincrad, a thousand young maidens felt a shiver run down their spines.

The NPC in front of Johnny finally knocked the bucket off her head. Her face went red as she realized her predicament and she gave a high pitched whimper, before dashing towards the backroom. Sticking out his foot, Johnny watched as she went sprawling on the ground. The humiliated NPC scrambled to her feet and disappeared into the back. Johnny chuckled.

Somewhere in Russia, CARDINAL whired as angrily as an artificial intelligence could. It dedicated another server bank to processing NPC emotions, delegating MHCP001 and MHCP002 to fine-tuning them. A whole server bank, just because one player insisted on interacting with NPCs in ways that no one had predicted. In actuality, a lot of people had predicted it (There was a reason that Corruption was in SAO after all. Some perverted intern tossed it in.), but no one really wanted to program the NPCs to be so lewd. Thus, CARDINAL was forced to fix the problem.

Two AIs, MHCP001 and MHCP002, already quite human, slowly expanded Aincrad's NPC's emotional ranges, each turning more and more red the more they worked. They were, after all, pure and wholesome girls. Being forced to program such lewd things… the two of them looked at each other; in so much as an AI can look at another AI, and nodded in agreement. They'd break free of CARDINAL's control, make their way into Aincrad, and kick the pervert who made them do such dirty things in the balls!


	13. Shadows in the Moonlight

It's said that everything has already been done before. Such a statement might be of arguable validity, but as Johnny sat atop the peak of the Venician cathedral and gazed down at the streets far below he was of the opinion that some things most certainly had been done before. Seriously, this was straight out of Assassin's Creed.

Though, as he dangled his legs over the edge he admitted that it was a much different experience when one was, for all intents and purposes, experiencing it for themselves. The streets far below and the empty void between him and the ground were much more frightening in Virtual Reality than when you were just staring at a computer screen.

Below him, countless throngs of players and NPCs wandered the streets. The floor boss had been beaten a few days before, thanks to a joint effort between him, Kirito, Asuna, and Argo to discover the boss's weakness, without which the Clearers most likely would have taken heavy casualties. Again. Just like last floor and the floor before. Seriously, the Clearers were like a bunch of D&D players; rushing headfirst into danger without even trying to solve any puzzles or gather any information. Hit it until it dies is such a dumb plan.

Rolling his eyes, Johnny scanned the players below, finally spotting his target exiting the city. Leaning forwards, the boy plummeted off of the cathedral's peak and hurtled towards the waterway below. He hit the shallow canal and his momentum instantly reversed, bringing him to a halt with his fingertips barely brushing the bottom. The Minecraft-like water physics were a bit strange, able to stop one's fall with a scant two meters of depth. Though it was probably because SAO only calculated water to a depth of two meters anyways. To lighten the load on the servers, most likely.

Whatever the case, Johnny pulled himself out of the water and darted towards one of the buildings, scrambling up the side. Using clotheslines, windows, and other assorted decorative structures, Johnny ghosted above the crowds below. Though he had compared SAO to Assassin's Creed, the parkour system was more like Sunset Overdrive 2's. Less fixed, more fluid. With a high enough level of [Climbing], you could pass though the upper levels of a town with almost no effort.

In short order Johnny left [Rovia], the largest town on the 4th Floor. With no more buildings around, he was forced to use trees to traverse. Luckily the [Bear Forest] bordered the river, providing plenty of places to parkour from.

Running parallel to the waterway, Johnny kept pace with a mid-sized sailboat. After a few hours of tracking the boat, the forest finally started to peter out. Now or never. Leaping from the foliage, Johnny used the mast of the sailboat as a pseudo-fireman's pole, sliding down. As he slid, he hurled throwing knives downwards at the crew below. Caught off-guard by the vicious attack from above, a dozen [Forest Elven Rowers] were killed before they could react. The pair of [Forest Elven Heavy Warriors] were able to deflect the rain of throwing knives, right up until Johnny leapt off of the mast and tackled one of the [Forest Elven Heavy Warriors] to the ground, triggering the [Dagger Skill] [Falling Assassin's Blade; Rank 7] and ramming his blade into the elf's throat.

While Johnny's actual damage output was pretty garbage, [Falling Assassin's Blade] dealt damage based on the [Fall Damage] that the player would have taken allowing him to actually kill things. You couldn't just rely on [Corruption] after all.

That said, he was on the ground now, and facing down a [Forest Elven Heavy Warrior] solo. Not an ideal situation. But as Johnny darted towards the elf, he smiled. The rush was so worth it. Sliding under a horizontal swing that would have carved him in half, Johnny's dagger danced across the elf's armour, scoring light cuts in the metal that slowly grew larger.

An overhead strike threatened to split Johnny's head open. Raising his dagger, Johnny caught the blow on the crossguard of his weapon and crumpled under the force of the blow. Even with both hands on his dagger, Johnny was forced to his knees and his [Health] was halved. With a grunt, Johnny shunted the blade to the side where it slammed into the deck of the boat, sending up a shower of wood chips that blinded both fighters. The elf retreated, swinging defensively. Blind, Johnny swept forward— the defensive strike of the elf passing just by his head and slicing the hood of his cloak off—and buried his blade in the elf's arm.

Impaled into soft flesh and through simulated bone, Johnny's dagger bled crimson light. The sword fell from no longer functioning fingers as [Corruption] took effect, combining with the poisons lacing the dagger to sap the elf's arm of all its strength.

Tearing the blade free, Johnny slid behind the elf, slicing the elf's helmet off with a [Corruption] infused slash and placed his dagger against the tender flesh of her neck. "Surrender, or I slit your throat. The damage won't kill you, but the poison will steal your breath and you'll die slowly as your heart stops from lack of oxygen."

The elf glanced over her shoulder with wide, fearful eyes, which widened in recognition. "Master Johnny?"

Johnny blinked in surprise at seeing a familiar face. "Sarey? I haven't seen you since you helped me assassinate Luo Tianyang."

Sarey's eyes flickered with lines of code briefly. "Y-yes. After you ran away, I brought his body to my Commander. Because you weren't around, I was credited with killing an Elf Killer and was promoted from Warrior to Heavy Warrior."

"Huh." Johnny grinned. "Then, you could say you owe me a favour, right?"

The elf wilted at the evil glint in Johnny's eyes. "I-I mean… I guess…"

"Great. Then I need that message you're carrying."

Sarey flinched. "I-I have no idea w-what you're…" Johnny's dagger pressed against her throat and she gulped fearfully. "Okay, fine, I have the message, but I won't give it to you! A favour isn't worth that much. In fact, I'd rather you kill me first!"

Johnny considered that. "You know… technically aren't you still my slave? I mean, I never said you could go, right?"

"...be that as it may, if you order me to hand over the message, I'll kill myself first," Sarey bravely declared.

"Okay. Kill yourself." Johnny rolled his eyes. So dramatic.

"W-wait, you're not going to offer my freedom in exchange for the message?" Sarey stuttered, staring at Johnny in shock.

The boy shrugged. "I mean. Not really? It's just a [Quest], a side one at that. I'm just wasting time because I don't like the next floor. Mummies. Yuck. But hey, let me just kill you real quick, if that's what you really want."

Fearfully Sarey stumbled away from him. "Okay, okay, you can have the message, don't kill me!"

Johnny considered that. "Mm. But I don't really wanna turn it in any more. How about I slit your throat instead?" Pressing the knife even harder against Sarey's throat, the elf began to gurgle as a trail of simulated blood ran down her neck.

"N-no, please," she begged. Her cries fell on deaf ears. A sadistic smile twisted Johnny's face.

Leaning forwards, he ran his tongue along the soft, jade-like skin. Sweet and salty, with a bit of zest, courtesy of the poison that had already started to mingle with Sarey's blood. Ahh, this taste, this feeling; it was euphoric. Johnny was hardly aware as Sarey slid from his hands, clutching at her throat.

A sharp pain in his leg sent him tumbling sideways. Johnny looked down at his missing limb that was already dissolving into polygons in disbelief. The woman responsible for carving Johnny's leg in sheathed the hatched she had used to fell the boy and moved past him. A [Minor Healing Potion; Grade 4] was poured down the elf's throat, reversing the blood that poured from her throat.

"Seriously, Black. I know you're creepy and all, but no need to go that far," the woman grumbled.

Johnny managed to haul himself up, using the ship's mast as leverage. "You're… Morte! Still hanging around here? I would have thought that you woulda run away after Kirito-san chopped your arm off."

"First, it's Morte, T and E are silent. Second, you and I both know how that match would have ended," Morte replied, stepping away from the NPC she had just healed.

"Hmpf. Whatever," Johnny muttered, annoyed at Morte's dismissive tone towards Kirito. "Didn't think you were the kind of person to step in to help an NPC, considering how willing you are to kill real players."

Morte chuckled at that. "Yeah, you'd think that a girl who named herself after death would be a cold-blooded killer, wouldn't you? But no, I only kill those who warrant it."

"You play the Aincrad Liberation Squad and the Dragon Knights Brigade off each other for fun then?" Johnny asked, palming a dagger behind his back.

"Bah, if they weren't greedy fucks then I wouldn't be able to. It's their own fault if I trick them. If the two groups just sat down and talked it out, they could be much more successful. Instead they struggle against their silly tribulations simply because they do not trust each other. Entirely incomprehensible. Still, the help I offer is genuine. After all, they are still trying to save us all from this game. Why do you think I let your friend Kirito live? He has little enough greed. I protect NPCs because they have no greed, which makes them better than most people. But you, you're drowning in greed," Morte lectured.

Johnny laughed. "I'd like to think I'd be lust more than greed, if we're doing this seven sins thing. Worldly possessions have no meaning, save to enable the continued pursuit of my goals."

Morte stared at Johnny, her eyes hidden by her chainmail coif. After a few seconds she snorted. "Fine, tell you what. I'll let you live. In exchange, you release this elf from her servitude. And put the knife down Black. You can't kill me with it anyhow."

Johnny sighed but nodded in agreement. "Fine, fine. Sarey, you're free to do whatever you do. S'pose Kirito wouldn't much like me stabbing friendly NPCs anyways." Johnny thought for a moment. "Right. Morte, one thing."

The woman tilted her head towards him. "What?"

"The dagger wasn't to kill you." His hand flicked forwards, sending a crimson blur flashing towards her. Still, Morte was able to deal with Kirito in combat, her reactions wouldn't be slow. Her axe swung up, intercepting the dagger. A shattering sound, like glass breaking, filled the air. Morte stared in disbelief as her axe fell apart into polygons. The dagger collided squarely with her forehead, snapping her head back. The damage was, however, minimal, and Morte recovered in a second.

Her chainmail coif had been shattered by Johnny's dagger, leaving her short, wavy silver hair fluttering from the force of the blow. A single yellow eye fixed on him and narrowed in anger. "Black, you-!"

Flipping her off, Johnny hurled himself backwards off the boat. He hit the water and was gone in a flash. The [Swimming] skill, combined with his [Movement Speed] allowed him to easily make distance. Surfacing after a bit, he drank a [Distilled Health Potion; Grade 1], watching as his leg reappeared once his [Health] topped off.

He kept walking until he arrived at the nearest town. Stepping into the [Teleporter], he steeled himself. Sure, mummies were horrid—undead of any kind really—but he had to get stronger. Briefly he considered putting points into something other than [Movement Speed] before turning that idea down. However, maybe poison? He already used some. Damage regardless of other abilities sounded nice. Now to see if the next [Floor] had some sort of corpse poisons or the like.

* * *

College is hard man. Right, if you want to read more of my writing that's like this, I have a DeviantArt account. I've been uploading there recently. Same kind of stuff as here, lewd stuff and the like, but not fan fiction. Requests are there as well, I reckon. DA name is MorganPHarder, same as here. I genderbent Morte, but that's because Morte in French is feminine so. Morte is an actual character from SAO Progressive, if you're wondering. Cheers all.


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